_________ | | | Once upon a time/_________\ \|/ There was a toast called White Toast, because l# O O l |of the white hat he insisted upon wearing, and /l #l\ |because, as I mentioned before, he was a toast. -/ l_____##l \-|When White Toast grew up, he became the leader of /| | | |\|all of CUUI's Toast Forces. White Toast was a wise _|_ _|_ |and brilliant leader, and under his leadership, all the^ ^ |land of Toast was peaceful. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _______ One |" |day, CUUI's Lieutenant (CUUI's personal messenger and |'______|servant) paid White Toast a visit. White Toast did not | O O |enjoy these visits because, invariably, they meant that | |somewhere something was going wrong, that White Toast would \___/have to fix. THIS occasion was no different in that _____|---|_____respect, and quite different in another.... \" \___/ "/It seemed that the impossible had happened: /| | | |\Toast had rebelled against CUUI. Without waiting | \___| |___/ |for White Toast to finish gasping, he continued. | | | | | | |The name of the traitor was Burned Toast- a | | ||||| | |toast who never should have even been, the | | ||||| | |product of the malfunction of some mad toaster. \ | |\|/| | / However, it got even worse. Not only had Toast | | | | | | |rebelled- but Burned Toast and his followers \| | | | |/(the Toast of Evil, or TOE) had a sponsor: | | | | | Nemoth Freezergod. | | | | |White Toast gaped. CUUI wanted HIM to take on | | | | |a member of the Pantheon of Appliance Gods? I | | | | |don't THINK so, said White Toast. CUUI's | | | | |Lieutenant shrugged. That's what he said, I only | | | | |carry his messages for him. Then he left. White | | | | |Toast, still reeling in shock, called for his | | | | |friend and the leader of the cheese warrior ranks: | | | | |Cheese Mage. When Cheese Mage (under Ketoth | | | | |Fridgegod rather than CUUI of course) arrived and | | | | |heard the news, he too went pale underneath his | | | | |yellow cheddar skin. They talked uselessly for a | | | |few minutes about exactly WHAT they were going to | | | |do about this, and then Cheese Mage left to go \_|_______|_/inform his Lord about the development. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ___ When he got {{|}}}to the ^ Palace of Ketoth, he was met by Pikat Picklegodess| o o|another O servant of Ketoth. She received his news without \__/reacting,v and disappeared. Cheese Mage looked worriedly __/ \__at his | fork, and left to take care of his troops. /\"\__/"/\Pikat | went into Ketoth's private chambers, -- and | | ||stood | silently for a moment. Ketoth groaned, |oO|and |_/ \|rolled| his eyes. Pikat, he said, has my twin |Oo|___/\.' './\____./|pulled something stupid again? She <--.____/ \_____.\|cleared her throat. Yes, I'm afraid so. She / . . \then| proceeded to give him the details.He groaned| . ' "| |again and gave the order to have Cheese Mage | "| |alert all the troops under him for what lay in \_ "_/the| future. She hurried out, stopping only to alert \_________/some | of the troops NOT under Ketoth... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _ Cheese Mage hadn't even waited for_/ | | Pikat to tell him to prepare his men; he hadn't been _/ /| \_|_/leader of the cheese warriors for that long by being/ / | |stupid. He had not only gotten the Cheese ready, but |\__/| | |was in conference with the Spamling Leader, who, in | | | |turn, looked shocked at his own rounded fork. So we're| | | |going to be placed under White Toast this time? He felt| || | ----<good about that- White Toast was competent, and also/| | | |sympathetic to all the other Comestibles, unlike a_/ | | / |few of the Toast, who were WELL aware of their own| | |/| |exalted status under CUUI... Cheese Mage agreed, \__/ ^ |although Cheese were next only to Toast in the | |system|. He liked the Spamling Leader, and the Spamlings. He ^ ^ outlined the details of the situation, hoping, as he always did, that spamlings and Cheese alike, CUUI willing, would come out of it all right.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _________ | | | Bread went /%%%%%%%%%\ \|/into Burned Toast's chamber. Burned Toast sat l# O O l |in the back of the room, which was lined with huge /l #l\ |jars of jam, petting his butterdog (named Manteiga,-/ l_____##l \-|or Mantequilla to some..). Bread chuckled evilly /| | | |\|(and inwardly) about the hat Burned Toast had taken to _|_ _|_ |wearing: an exact copy of White Toast's, only black. ^ ^ |He made his report. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ________ Cheese Mage's forces were ready to battle, and, ( ))in fact, the Spamlings were planning a surprise attack, | ||in about 24 hours. Burned Toast grinned and ordered his | O O ||troops to hurry and be ready in a little less than that| |\time... Bread left, after bowing in an elaborately _/|_______||\_ obsequious manner, and went to give his report/| | | |\to White Toast- after all, if he was to get on in the^ ^world, he mustn't let a little thing like loyalty or (CUUI forbid) a conscience get in the way of his drawing two salaries as a spy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _______ Ketoth was happy. He enjoyed/#%*&^..\the ceremony and pomp that go along with being a member|#%*&^._|of the Pantheon of Appliance Gods, and this was, as the /| - - |\ceremonies went, rather a biggie. He was formally | | _ | |releasing command of all, ALL, his armies to some | \___/ |Toast leader, and the spectacle was simply ama-__|__|---|__|__zing.Absolutely fantastic! Ketoth stood high above \####\___/####/his minions and smiled as he began his speech. On /|###| |###|\the platform behind him, Pikat sat quietly with | \%%%| |%%%/ |her legs crossed and smiled inwardly. Ketoth | |%%| |%%| |was absolutely perfect for the job required of | |**| |**| |him. He finished with... SPAMLINGS! I, Ketoth | |**| |**| | Fridgegod command you! Join White Toast and | |&&| |&&| | Cheese Mage against my brother, Nemoth | |&&| |&&| | Freezergod. GO FOR THE | |^^| |^^| | GLORY OF CUUI! | |^^| |^^| | The Spamlings burst \ \_|..| |..|__// into excited talk, and a chant of their \ ||..| |..|| / battle cry filled the air with shouts of SPOON/ | | | | \and JAM! White Toast and Cheese Mage dismounted \_| | | |_/their pedestals, and led the Spamlings and others |\ | | /| away. Ketoth and Pikat looked at each other for a| \| |/ | moment, and then Pikat went off to take care of | \ / |the something-or-others she always handled, and Ketoth| |\ /| |returned to the palace. White Toast left Cheese | | \ / | | Mage in charge of things and went to receive the | | \ | | intelligence report from Bread. White Toast didn't| |_/.\". |like Bread. He felt, in fact, that Bread was a | /_o|"""| |nasty little son-of-some- thing-unpleasant, but he | |__/ "" | |shrugged and put it down as Things He Had To Put Up\_|_______|_/With For His Job. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _________ White Toast went/_________\in and sat in front of Bread, who had just arrived. |# O O | After a small amount of questioning, he discovered /| #|\that Burned Toast didn't have any immediate -/ l_____##l \-plans, and that he didn't suspect a thing. However/| | | |\unbeknownst to Bread, White Toast had given him a _|_ _|_ polygraph, and White Toast discovered the truth. White ^ ^ Toast went as pale as his name suggested, remembering the factv v that the Spamlings, by now, should already have left to ___:_:__ carry out their raid... Once he had reached all| / \ /of these inescapable conclusions, he screamed----/ x x \----the word SPY! from deep in his throat. He / (____________) | lifted his fork high, and brought it down in the\____________/middle of Bread's soft, white, untoasted body- ending his worthless, self-serving life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~