Attention, fellow struggling writers! Do you have trouble making it in today's world? Nobody wants to hear yet another angle on Shakespeare, and, worse yet, nobody will pay you to write it! Well, fear no more! You can write about the hippest things happening today, and people of all types will pay you through the nose to get at this literature! All you gotta do is pick some really famous dude (or dudette) and follow these simple steps! Your bank account will thank you!

First of all, writing chronicles about these "cultural obsessions," as somebody put it, is the thing to do. Literary documentaries are one thing, but the chronicle is the key. A chronicle is a timeline of sorts, except that it goes into a lot of detail (which is exactly what your readers want to read -- the more trash, the better) and it doesn't have to appear in chronological order per se. For example, this hip cat named Greil Marcus (who has a hip name for starters... Greil? Cool!) wrote about Elvis Presley. His book, "Dead Elvis" floats from 1977 (the year he [Elvis, not Greil] died) to 1979 to 1978 to 1980 to 1985 to 1978 to 1991 to 1981 and so on... it barely touches his life! Supposedly, this Greil dude says that Elvis was reborn when he died (page 82 says that "Elvis's death made him human"); he became a marketable commodity which the people wanted. I mean, hey, he was the King, but he was kinda weird. After all, although he had the talent and the originality of music and appearance ("that quivering lip and a swaying hip"), he had that unusual ability to personify the good all-American boy and the evils of sin at the same time. And he made way too many cheesy movies. But, like most cultural obsessions, he was in the right place at the right time.

Anyway, most cultural obsessions today revolve around the music industry. Very popular musicians today are weird. Take Prince, for example. In fact, he recently changed his name from Prince to the name of his most recent album, which was just a symbol. However, nobody knows what to call it (or him). It's the amalgamation of the gender symbols for man and woman, with a little curve thingy thrown in on the side for effect. I think he did this to draw attention to himself; it was nothing but a publicity stunt. However, his new name (whatever it is) adds to the mystique of Prince, which makes him wanted more by the public. They want to hear his music more, see him in concerts more, but most of all, they want to know more about him. It is a general rule of thumb: do something controversial and conversational, and people will buy your stuff. Most people want to "call" him something (such that he will be "normal" again), but I don't think he wants that. The former Prince likes this idea of not being able to be labeled; it may be symbolic of how he may not want his music to be labeled. But I digress.

Try being excessively creative. For example, do things in this book that will catch the collective eye of the public and make them chuckle as well. Write a song or a screenplay that personifies and spoofs the musical artist. To illustrate using Michael Jackson, the following lines could be in his unauthorized biographical hit song (set to the tune of his real song "Black or White":

     I'm still a virgin and I'm thirty-three
     Nobody knows what to make of me
     My best friend is a monkey
     And I've got money coming out of my eyes
     "Billboard" likes my music
     And they don't care if I'm black or white... 

Some people (using Elvis again as an example) truly treat the cultural obsession as a god, creating a new religion. Joni Mabe is a woman who has created, on her own free will (and money), an Elvis museum in her house. She is fascinated by Elvis and his written letters to him at Graceland, among other things. I pictured her as a teenager hopelessly in love with Elvis during his lifetime, and now that he's dead, he treats him like a King and a god. Elvis is a turn-on for her, Elvis is an addiction for her, and she needs (the image of) Elvis to remain alive and happy. (This is your brain... this is your brain on Elvis. Any questions?)

Another good suggestion: make sure that you have an interesting structure of organization for your book. Because it doesn't have to be in specific chronological order, you can jump from one area of life to another. Greil decided on four major sections, which focused on "Pre-Dead" Elvis, his absence, his return, and the fact that, yes, he's still dead. That looks and sounds cool. That shows the life that the image of Elvis enjoyed, not necessarily the biological life Elvis lived and the shocking death Elvis underwent. But the King's watching us, I think... but I don't know if he has to look up or down while catching a glimpse of how we treat his image today.

In general, most cultural obsessions exhibit traits. While the people are all different, they show similar things and evoke similar images and emotions. All are controversial (but that's inherent), most have true talent and a desire to entertain, all feel a sense of vulnerability (although it's never shown), and almost every single major cultural obsession in history has had the good fortune of perfect timing: they all were in the right place at the right time. I've always said, "Timing is everything." Primarily, people want to know as much as possible about them. They buy books and magazines, they watch and study and memorize movies, plays, and television shows, and they buy items which personify them. Clothing, their music, decorations, and other miscellaneous paraphernalia are just some examples. But, like the commercial says, "Inquiring minds wanna know." So, start writing about cultural obsessions and you'll be rolling in the dough!