Pearls of AWOL

James Dean... He's that guy Madonna wanted to sleep with. As I recall, wine is pretty nasty and the only reason to drink it is for the alcohol. Non-alcoholic wine serves no purpose. Much like Nusrat. Three things in life serve no purpose: Non-alcoholic wine, Nusrat, and decaffinated soda. Come on, think about it, what purpose do they serve? Besides to annoy me. I probably won't have any money. For a while. I'm gonna go play pinball now. KALI: "You've been somewhere I've never been" (quoting Paul) AWOL: The lady's restroom. AWOL: I love my sister. I would like to feed her to a large hungry animal. KALI: Like Barney? AWOL: Yes! Feed her to the da** dinosaur! They've got the right idea though. I used to dress up like my mother. That'll warp ya'. Yeah, I love my family. Kali: (about sueing people) and it would have the spirit of the devil or something. AWOL: yeah, lawyers. Kali: We can tell that to our psychaiatrists. AWOL: DA** skippy! Wheee! Skippy! Skippy! Kali: Gotta write that down. AWOL: Wha? What'd I miss? Stupid people. There are lots of stupid people everywhere. They infest my world. AWOL: What's the number? Kali: 332.. AWOL: Of course, it would help if I took the cap off the pen. AWOL: Okay, so it is my fault. Whaddya gonna do about it? Kali: Whack you in the head. AWOL: Oh, yeah, like that's gonna do any damage. Don't wear a motorcycle helmet, nothing to protect! See? They wanna lock me up! I love my sister. I don't know how I'd live without her. But I'd be willing to try. AWOL: I'm important. Didn't you know that? Kali: No. AWOL: Yup yup yup, I'm important. I have a little card that says I'm important. It's certified. Is green. Means move. Trust me, I took Drivers Ed. DA** Law- abiding citizens! Kali:Becky thought I said you broke up with someone AWOL: No, not unless it happened while I was sleeping. Isn't wrestling fun? You see our friendly neighbourhood cross dresser come out with our friendly neighbourhood lesbian. She's scary. Please never show this to anyone. They'll lock me up. I'm not crazy! I'm not. I promise. My mommy told me so. Of course, what's that to go by. I mean, comparitively speaking. There's really nothing wrong with me. Just because I like to watch guys dress up like they're dead or cross dressers or strippers- wait a second maybe there is something wrong with me. Nah, I'm normal and the rest of the world is strange. Kali:It's not a whale, it's a dolphin. AWOL: So what. I knew it was something that swims. (whacks Kali with dolphin plushie) (holds up dolphin plushie) Oh, look, it's Flipper! (attacks Kali with dolphin plushie) Oh no! Flipper has rabies! AAA! Julie, I don't know how to tell you this, but Flipper ran into a wall and died. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen to me. We're not cute! We're not little and cute and sweet and nasty! Kali: He's four steps below being a man. Tomas: I'm at the door! I'm at the door! AWOL: You're in the elevator and stuck on the second floor! AWOL: I couldn't write good fic even if someone was whispering in my ear telling me what to write. Kali: Even if it was Lith? AWOL: Lith and Kate Orman combined couldn't teach me to write good fic! I *am* normal. I'm normal and... *special*. I'm *important!* He's not even stuck on the second floor. His problem is he can't reach the third button. AWOL: You're not writing *thaat* down.. Kali: Yeah I am. AWOL: Oh god. (about her dog) I don't want him in my lap. Yooou're sleeping with him. He better not bite me. (also about her phenomonally stupid dog) He's waiting for you Dad. He's gonna rip you asunder. Do you have a phenomonally stupid dog? I have a phenomonally stupid dog.*Every* household needs a phenomonally stupid dog. Look, I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit! We're the few! The proud! The demented! I like Flipper. With a light buttersauce. I just lost my CD again. Where'd it go? You took it from me, didn't you. What would you do with a Mortal Kombat CD? You took it just to annoy me. Just for that I'm going to make you listen to that song I can't pronounce. I'll move right along to number 7. Of course, that would be going backwards, but shut up! I can't count. What the he**? a Michael Bolton CD? Hehe, Tequila Sunrise. I saw one of those once, it was painful. I found my CD by the way. I'm so glad you didn't take it from me, i would have had to rip you asunder. I like that word. I'm going to be using it for a long time now. Asunder, asunder, asunDER, asunDER, what a neat word! Kali: Do you want to kill Phill (collins) for singing this (the lamb)? AWOL: yeeah! Do you want to hold him for me? I'll rip *him* asunder! Ah, hey, neat, look! pictures! I special. At least that's what my therapist says. Before I rip HIM asunder! Gosh I love that word! I don't like K-mart. K-mart compared to hell- hell's a picnic compared to K-mart. It's true, I swear! I still get to kill Phil Collins, right? We could blame Kate Bush for it! Oh, forgive me. I'll turn Catholic monk on you now. I have another card. It's certified. It says I'm frightening. It's not fair, you know. Brad Pitt has better hair than I do. He's a girl in disguise, you think? It's Ru Paul. I knew it was too tall to be Brad Pitt. He's in drag! He is! Look at him, he looks feminine! femimmine! I hear a siren, they're comin' to get me! I have talent! really I do! criminal talent, but it's a talent nonetheless. You have really bizarre parents. But aren't they cute? Kali: gosh, you're amusing AWOL: Twisted. This is me, choking on my soda. Who says caffeine is our friend? You're laughing! Fine, the next time a carbonated beverage comes after you, *I'm* gonna laugh! Kali: the more you're amusing, the more i can write it down. AWOL: the more you can use it against me later! Ooooh, that just burns my biscuit! Boy, you think *water* coming out the nose hurts! Do I have to shove a Subway down your throat? Heeere, come on, number four! Alright, Julie, I've had it with this. What did you do with my CD this time? I can't find it and you don't even like Guns 'N Roses. So spit it out. Wait, it's in the CD player. I found it! Whoa, I said a big word! synonomous! I can't even spell it. Hey, I never claimed I wasn't pathetic. Kali:Delusions of what, though? AWOL: Delusions of grandeur! I rule the world! ha ha! I want a puppy... Well I do... I also want a chipmunk. Have you ever noticed the resemblance between a chipmunk and Tom? have you? huh? huh? They must be distant cousins or something. I remember Flipper. I knew him well. Smelled bad. Have you ever noticed that Cheez Wiz is the funniest sounding thing you can say to someone, next to weasel spit? Oh, look! A penguin! I bet they make marvelous steak. Move over Colonel Sanders! Speaking of my phenomonally stupid dog, I can't seem to find him. I bet he exploded. Dog's worse than the Goodyear blimp. Oh, look, it's my favorite show, professional wrestling! oh, wait, i saw that one already. damn. You know, guys in tights are amusing to watch. *Especially* that one. Hey, look, It's our friendly neighborhood cross dresser/lesbian/wait that was the other one! Would anyone like to buy a slightly used squirrel? Squirrrels are also funny things. 'cause they look like weasels. Therefore, if you said squirrel spit, it would be as funny as weasel spit. Apocalypse cow! Beef on the run! Look mommy, it's a cow! Don't touch it, you don't know where it's been. Our friendly neighborhood lesbian is wearing a maternity dress. One has to wonder. Hey, there's another guy who looks like a chipmunk. Must be related to Tom. Yes, ladies and gentleman, you *can* teach a monkey. Hey, look, a foreign flick! I love subtitles. I mean, it was about a rat! And the rat died! and I'm thinking, what's the matter with that? That sounds like some sort of superhero: Transsexual Man! Ignorance is a wonderful thing, isn't it! You know what? It's genetically impossible for me to be normal. My daddy said so. He's cute, though. In a goofy sort of way. An Elvisish way. Ooooh, no, seems perfectly normal to me. Much like Rosanne Barr.

That's Insanity!