Pearls of AWOL
James Dean... He's that guy Madonna wanted to sleep with.
As I recall, wine is pretty nasty and the only reason to drink it is
for the alcohol. Non-alcoholic wine serves no purpose. Much like
Three things in life serve no purpose: Non-alcoholic wine, Nusrat, and
Come on, think about it, what purpose do they serve? Besides to annoy
I probably won't have any money. For a while. I'm gonna go play
KALI: "You've been somewhere I've never been" (quoting Paul)
AWOL: The lady's restroom.
AWOL: I love my sister. I would like to feed her to a large hungry
KALI: Like Barney?
AWOL: Yes! Feed her to the da** dinosaur!
They've got the right idea though. I used to dress up like my mother.
That'll warp ya'.
Yeah, I love my family.
Kali: (about sueing people) and it would have the spirit of the devil
AWOL: yeah, lawyers.
Kali: We can tell that to our psychaiatrists.
AWOL: DA** skippy!
Wheee! Skippy! Skippy!
Kali: Gotta write that down.
AWOL: Wha? What'd I miss?
Stupid people. There are lots of stupid people everywhere. They infest
AWOL: What's the number?
AWOL: Of course, it would help if I took the cap off the pen.
AWOL: Okay, so it is my fault. Whaddya gonna do about it?
Kali: Whack you in the head.
AWOL: Oh, yeah, like that's gonna do any damage.
Don't wear a motorcycle helmet, nothing to protect!
See? They wanna lock me up!
I love my sister. I don't know how I'd live without her. But I'd be
willing to try.
AWOL: I'm important. Didn't you know that?
AWOL: Yup yup yup, I'm important. I have a little card that says I'm
important. It's certified.
Is green. Means move. Trust me, I took Drivers Ed.
DA** Law- abiding citizens!
Kali:Becky thought I said you broke up with someone
AWOL: No, not unless it happened while I was sleeping.
Isn't wrestling fun? You see our friendly neighbourhood cross dresser
come out with our friendly neighbourhood lesbian. She's scary.
Please never show this to anyone. They'll lock me up. I'm not crazy!
I'm not. I promise. My mommy told me so. Of course, what's that to go
by. I mean, comparitively speaking.
There's really nothing wrong with me. Just because I like to watch
guys dress up like they're dead or cross dressers or strippers- wait a
second maybe there is something wrong with me. Nah, I'm normal and the
rest of the world is strange.
Kali:It's not a whale, it's a dolphin.
AWOL: So what. I knew it was something that swims. (whacks Kali with
(holds up dolphin plushie)
Oh, look, it's Flipper!
(attacks Kali with dolphin plushie)
Oh no! Flipper has rabies! AAA!
Julie, I don't know how to tell you this, but Flipper ran into a wall
and died. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen to me.
We're not cute! We're not little and cute and sweet and nasty!
Kali: He's four steps below being a man.
Tomas: I'm at the door! I'm at the door!
AWOL: You're in the elevator and stuck on the second floor!
AWOL: I couldn't write good fic even if someone was whispering in my
ear telling me what to write.
Kali: Even if it was Lith?
AWOL: Lith and Kate Orman combined couldn't teach me to write good
I *am* normal. I'm normal and... *special*. I'm *important!*
He's not even stuck on the second floor. His problem is he can't reach
the third button.
AWOL: You're not writing *thaat* down..
Kali: Yeah I am.
AWOL: Oh god.
(about her dog)
I don't want him in my lap. Yooou're sleeping with him. He better not
(also about her phenomonally stupid dog)
He's waiting for you Dad. He's gonna rip you asunder.
Do you have a phenomonally stupid dog? I have a phenomonally stupid
dog.*Every* household needs a phenomonally stupid dog.
Look, I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
We're the few! The proud! The demented!
I like Flipper. With a light buttersauce.
I just lost my CD again. Where'd it go? You took it from me, didn't
you. What would you do with a Mortal Kombat CD? You took it just to
Just for that I'm going to make you listen to that song I can't
I'll move right along to number 7. Of course, that would be going
backwards, but shut up! I can't count.
What the he**? a Michael Bolton CD?
Hehe, Tequila Sunrise. I saw one of those once, it was painful.
I found my CD by the way. I'm so glad you didn't take it from me, i
would have had to rip you asunder. I like that word. I'm going to be
using it for a long time now.
Asunder, asunder, asunDER, asunDER, what a neat word!
Kali: Do you want to kill Phill (collins) for singing this (the lamb)?
AWOL: yeeah! Do you want to hold him for me? I'll rip *him* asunder!
Ah, hey, neat, look! pictures!
I special. At least that's what my therapist says. Before I rip HIM
asunder! Gosh I love that word!
I don't like K-mart. K-mart compared to hell- hell's a picnic compared
to K-mart. It's true, I swear!
I still get to kill Phil Collins, right?
We could blame Kate Bush for it!
Oh, forgive me. I'll turn Catholic monk on you now.
I have another card. It's certified. It says I'm frightening.
It's not fair, you know. Brad Pitt has better hair than I do.
He's a girl in disguise, you think? It's Ru Paul. I knew it was too
tall to be Brad Pitt.
He's in drag! He is! Look at him, he looks feminine! femimmine!
I hear a siren, they're comin' to get me!
I have talent! really I do! criminal talent, but it's a talent
You have really bizarre parents. But aren't they cute?
Kali: gosh, you're amusing
This is me, choking on my soda. Who says caffeine is our friend?
You're laughing! Fine, the next time a carbonated beverage comes after
you, *I'm* gonna laugh!
Kali: the more you're amusing, the more i can write it down.
AWOL: the more you can use it against me later!
Ooooh, that just burns my biscuit!
Boy, you think *water* coming out the nose hurts!
Do I have to shove a Subway down your throat?
Heeere, come on, number four!
Alright, Julie, I've had it with this. What did you do with my CD this
time? I can't find it and you don't even like Guns 'N Roses. So spit
it out. Wait, it's in the CD player. I found it!
Whoa, I said a big word! synonomous! I can't even spell it.
Hey, I never claimed I wasn't pathetic.
Kali:Delusions of what, though?
AWOL: Delusions of grandeur! I rule the world! ha ha! I want a
Well I do...
I also want a chipmunk.
Have you ever noticed the resemblance between a chipmunk and Tom? have
you? huh? huh? They must be distant cousins or something.
I remember Flipper. I knew him well. Smelled bad.
Have you ever noticed that Cheez Wiz is the funniest sounding thing
you can say to someone, next to weasel spit?
Oh, look! A penguin! I bet they make marvelous steak. Move over
Speaking of my phenomonally stupid dog, I can't seem to find him. I
bet he exploded. Dog's worse than the Goodyear blimp.
Oh, look, it's my favorite show, professional wrestling! oh, wait, i
saw that one already. damn. You know, guys in tights are amusing to
watch. *Especially* that one.
Hey, look, It's our friendly neighborhood cross dresser/lesbian/wait
that was the other one!
Would anyone like to buy a slightly used squirrel?
Squirrrels are also funny things. 'cause they look like weasels.
Therefore, if you said squirrel spit, it would be as funny as weasel
Apocalypse cow! Beef on the run! Look mommy, it's a cow! Don't touch
it, you don't know where it's been.
Our friendly neighborhood lesbian is wearing a maternity dress. One
has to wonder.
Hey, there's another guy who looks like a chipmunk. Must be related to
Yes, ladies and gentleman, you *can* teach a monkey.
Hey, look, a foreign flick! I love subtitles.
I mean, it was about a rat! And the rat died! and I'm thinking, what's
the matter with that?
That sounds like some sort of superhero: Transsexual Man!
Ignorance is a wonderful thing, isn't it!
You know what? It's genetically impossible for me to be normal. My
daddy said so.
He's cute, though. In a goofy sort of way. An Elvisish way.
Ooooh, no, seems perfectly normal to me. Much like Rosanne Barr.