I'm creating a new video game I call "Mega Momma." It comes with 18 levels of difficulty. The first level introduces the game with diapering, feeding, and picking up toys. If you are REALLY Good, cook a meal, scrub the floors, dress to the hilt before the husband gets home, you might win the June Cleaver award.
Stage 2 juggles a toddler and a job. Can you do everything the boss says over the phone? And still keep your child happy? If the baby cries, your boss will hang up, and you won't get paid. You still have to do everything from the first level, too. Oops! Too much powder on the diaper tabs? You'll run out of diapers this week!
Your boss wants you in the office, and you need a babysitter. You need a cheat code to get through this crisis. The instruction book says your babysitters' boyfriend is taking classes--in Germany. If you guessed that the cheat code to be "LD PHONE CALL," you can get to the office in time! This must be the Murphy Brown award level.
Congratulations, I think. You've progressed to the next level of the game. You race through the mall chasing your toddler. You can't bump the old ladies or jostle anything off the stroller. Can you catch everything the baby throws? Will your toddler have any clothes on when you catch him? Where did your baby get that handful of clothing tags? Can you buy that snazzy gown for the Madonna award, or are you too pooped?
Later, your kids need rides to everything. You must gather all of the equipment, seatbelt everyone in, and deliver the right kids to the next activity On time. If you forgot a swimsuit, do you go home or to Wal-Mart? Suits are out of season, and it costs you bundles. Are the potholes out of control, or did you pay your property tax? Is your city issuing speeding tickets to raise money? Can you get everybody home, fix supper, assign chores, and run a bubble bath? What? No Martha Stewart award!
Sprinkled throughout the game are the little homework teasers. You know the kind. "Mom, what's 123 divided by 13?" "Mom, what is a rotary phone?" "Mom, how do you spell 'Lewinsky'?" How many geography questions have NOT changed since you were in school?
Are you afraid of the telephone when it rings? You will be! It could be a teacher asking you not to feed your dog textbooks. (You don't own a dog) Maybe it's the neighbor calling about a new 'fort' in her flower garden, or that 900 phone number calling back for "lightning Rod?"
This game quizzes you on life's' little emergencies,
too. Do you dig the underwear out of the toilet, or just flush
it down and call the plumber later? Do buy a new aquarium when
the old one breaks, or host a funeral complete with cake and ice
cream? Can you find those pet mice the school sent home for
the weekend? Where is this blood coming from?
I can't get to the dating level. I'm still trying to keep my
teen's body covered. Every time that belly button gets exposed,
I loose another earring.
These are just thoughts as my son sits here
addicted to Nintendo 64... I really don't think my game would
sell. All that built up frustration and anger would make the
game way too violent. And everybody knows kids should not live
in a fantasy world.