Aura loves car rides.

My aunt

Its sunday. the sunday after thanksgiving to be more precise. I awoke
at 9am after 5 hours of sleep to the sound of beethoven's 5th. Realizing
that I fell asleep watching clockwork orange I found out the menu screen
has background music.

I turned off the tv and went back to sleep.

11am. Crap. I promised to visit my mom today. I love my mom, but it's
an hour and a half drive. And I can think of nothing better then not
showering, throwing on last nights clothes grabbing some food that I
shouldn't and play warcraft until I doze off in front of the monitor,
then go to bed watching clockwork orange, promising that I'l make it to
the end before falling asleep.

Did I mention that I love my mom?

So I threw on my clothes from last night, grabbed aura, jumped in the
car and headed out to citrus county. I stopped for hardees along the
way.

I arrive to see my mom in the kitchen and what I could guess to be my
aunt on the couch. My mom immediately points us outside where we sit.
She eats some lunch and tells me about her weekend.

Started with my cousin's wedding. She tells me about getting my aunt a
new dress, a haircut and some new shoes. And then tells me hiow crazy
she acted after going manic and not sleeping for 3 days. And then tells
me about how she had to remove my aunt from the reception because of how
she was acting all crazy.

Well my mom finishes eating, and we go inside to find my aunt awake from
her nap. She hugged me, said hello, and then the crazy started.

I'm not going into detail other than she's been medicated for years and
this is the worst I've seen her, in fact the worst I've seen anone in
that state.

And as crazy as the comments and accusations got, my mom and I just sat
therer holding a conversation, turning evey once in a while to answer
something like "what is bigger infinity or a carrot?" or "I created this
everything big big huge infinity so you can torture anyone and you can
be okay if I tell you, okay?".

My mom is taking her in tomorrow.

I know where I get my patience from.

So, I know I haven't done this in a while. Not that anyone but me knows.
All the people that used to read my blog have gone on to other things
during my extended break.

So, where is glypher now? About the same place I was the last time I
wrote. Alone.

I forget how much I hate feeling this way. But its something that I
chose. Dumb, I know. But it was for someone else. Well it was for me
too. It wasn't totally selfless. I looked around me and saw things that
I desired and people that I thought could fulfill the void that I had.
But it didn't work out for me.

I've been thinking a lot about something someone asked me the other
night. I was at an after party. And there was this kid there.. I say
kid, I mean he wes 19. He was obviously an amature to this whole
"drinking" thing. As I lifted him off the floor to the couch, he looked
at me and slurred "glyph, lemme ask you somethin".

"What do you care about?"

2 seconds later, I don't think he even knew what he asked. But that
didn't matter. The question was stuck in my head. And now I'm plagued
with uncertanty on how to answer... even to myself.

I don't know if I care about anything. Or maybe I care about
everything. Maybe its that I've become so fucing analytical, I can't
care about anything.

Lets start with the basics... I care about myself. I care about my
parents. I care about my son. I care about aura.

I care about gainesville, and the music scene. Or do I? I might. Lets
keep going...

I care about the people I'm around. Dianya, Lily, Stephanie. I care
about complete strangers. Like the drunk kid that asked me this
question. I helped him, I could have ignored him.

So I think I care about everyone. But I feel that I I care equally...
is that right? I care about a stranger as much as I care about my mom?
Or caleb?

That's a weird thought. But I may be onto something. I find myself
swaying from extreme to extreme. Nothing or everything. Because it's
all equal. There has to be a peak or a vally... someplace.

What if I took everything away except one thing... would that be the
thing I cared about the most?

Would it end up being something stupid like sex?

Am I that shallow?

Am I analyzing this too much?

I don't thik I can answer, so I'll shelve it for now.

I'll have a week to think about this when I get to denver.

-g

I gave aura a bath tonight.

She seemed to enjoy it along with the brushing afterwards.

I showhopped this evening between the shamrock and common grounds. Fun
all round.