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  • Bruce H. McIntosh
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    Last revised Mar 12, 2018

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    Writings of various natures on various topics

    Considering the Relative Merits of a Romp in The Sack
    vs. a Really Good Chocolate Chip Cookie

    Tonight on "Who Cares" we examine the frontiers of comparative values of sex and food...

    American folk singing ensemble The Chenille Sisters in their song,"Chocolate is Love" (lyrics) make a bold observation on the state of interpersonal relationships in a mechanized society. Midway through the song,they assert,

    A toll house cookie is better than nookie... chocolate is love... mmmmmmm...

    Now before anyone rushes out to purchase flour,brown sugar and semi-sweet chocolate chips,a reflective pause is in order. Tough questions must be asked. Are these vocal divas reliable sources of observational data in the field under study? Have they ammassed a suitable body of evidence to support their assertion? How reliable is their data? And is their conclusion actually valid?

    One need look no further than the song itself to find a raised flag as to the Chenilles' trustworthiness as authorities on the subject. Elsewhere in the lyric may be found the line

    N E S T L E S... Nestle makes the VERY best...

    Now granted,that is merely a quote from Nestle's own advertisements,but the Chenilles' rote parroting of the Nestle corporate line is troubling,to say the least. Other observers [ed.note The author is being either humble or obfuscatory here (it's unclear which)] have pointed out that Nestle chocolate tends to be pale,waxy and lacking in body; it's rather the Calista Flockhart of chocolate. Certainly one need not venture too far from the beaten path to find superior examples of the chocolatier's craft.

    As to the evidence supporting their claim vis-a-vis the relative merits of cookies and copulation,the literature is noteworthy for its paucity of substantiating information. Were several varieties of cookie recipes tried? Were baking and eating conditions carefully controlled (ie - gas vs. electric oven, stand mixer vs. hand mixer, temperature and baking times reorded, whole vs. skim milk, etc., etc.)? As for the connubial side of the situation,were multiple positions,times,settings attempted? Were documentary records kept of the experimentation? Who were the experimenters? What was the control group? In baking and in bed,too little information is supplied in the song to clear up any of the doubts raised about the methods and materials.

    Given the concerns over the reliability of the reporters,and the dearth of data,the conclusion itself must be evaluated most critically. Did the Chenilles stumble across a mystical holy grail of a toll house cookie recipe? Have they found the One True Cookie,and are now dedicating themselves to a lifestyle of celibate dessert devotion? Is a chocolate chip cookie,in point of actual fact,better than a romp in the sack? Or are their husbands just lousy in bed?

    The Chenille Sisters' quite public stand elevates the food vs. sex argument to a well-deserved visibility in the realm of social discourse (dare one say "intercourse"?),but their own work in the field is clearly deficient. This is not an issue that may be ignored lightly,however,and it behooves all right-thinking individuals to devote maximum effort to amassing as much experimental data as possible before coming to any premature conclusions. The need for more study is blindingly obvious.

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