From: cor@xs4all.nl (Cor Bosman) Subject: Telefun Date: 3 Oct 1995 03:43:03 GMT I work for an ISP in The Netherlands. One of our people maintains a list of weird phonecalls. She compiles this every couple of weeks. I thought id translate to english and have you all enjoy this too :) - Hello, id like some information on Internet # I can send you our information package. Would you like it faxed or regular mail? - Regular mail , since I dont have a fax. # Fine, what's your address? - Eh, can I get it per email also? # Ofcourse sir, whats your email address? - Ehmm, xxxxxx, that is, xxxxxx, the @ sign, and then antenna.nl # Ok, consider it done. - Ehh, how do I download it? # download? Well, you can just read it in your mailbox. - Oh, how do I do that? # Don't you ever read email? - No, how do I read email? # Hmm, maybe it's better if I just send it in the regular mail. - Yeah, maybe thats for the best. # goodday sir. (a little explanation is warranted for the next one. Our company is listed as "internet" in the phone book, so we get all the weirdos.) - Hi, is this the Internet Headquarters? You see, id like to be an internet seller, since there is none in my neighbourhood. # What area do you live in? - Zeeland (red: a part of holland) # Zeeland? Oh, but they have Zeelandnet.nl - Oh damn, well, never mind then. *click* # XS4all, Hanneke speaking. - Hello, is this Internet? # Err, yes ofcourse sir. - Hi, im looking for someone. He works at internet and his name is Emiel. # ... so you see , you really need to know exactly where he works. - oh gosh, I only know he works for internet. He works in the US a lot. And ofcourse here in holland. # What is his last name? - Oops, I dont know. # Hmm, this is going to be difficult. Does he work in Amsterdam? - Yeah, Amsterdam. # Is it urgent? - Yes, very urgent. I have a date with him, and I need to cancel. But I dont have his phone number. # And you only know he works for internet, thats it? - Yeah, thats it. # Then im afraid he'll be having a lonely date tonight. - Oh dear, oh well, too bad then eh, goodnight. # Xs4all, Hanneke speaking (red: Hanneke is a female) - Good afternoon, I have a question, but err, it is kind of technical, so I dont know if I should ask you. # Dont hesitate asking it Sir, we'll see if I can answer or not. - Well, its like this. I want to log into xs4all, not with SLIP but with Telix, that is a ter - mi - nal - pro - gram. # yeees? go on. - I lost my login code. # You mean you lost your password Sir? - No, I know my password. I forgot my login code. # You lost your loginname? - Yes! Exactly, thats it. # What is your last name? - xxxxxxx, with a z in the end. # Ah, a Mr. Jan xxxxxxxx - Yes, thats correct. # Your loginname is 'jan'. - Ah, great, thank you, goodbye. - Good afternoon, I heard there is an internet cafe in Amsterdam, is that true? # It is, its on the Nieuwendijk number 30. - What kind of cafe is that? # It is a coffee shop with computers, where you can use internet for $1 per 20 minutes. - Ah coffee shop?? , # Dont worry Sir, it is quite normal. - Oh thank God, if you say coffee shop, well, you know, you think about one of those strange place you know, in Amsterdam. - Hello, is this the Internet buro? # Well, we are an organisation offering internet access. - I try to connect to internet, but it keeps saying 'login incorrect'. # Which number are you calling? - 020-xxxxxxxx # Thats not one of our numbers. Do you know which company this is? - Internet ofcourse! # So, I dont know who's number that is, but ours is 020-6222175. - Thanks! I'll try that one then. And i'll try the 'login as new' on the other one also! # Good afternoon Sir, this is Hanneke Vermeulen of xs4all, you faxed us this afternoon, so Im returning the call. - Oh?? But I already spoke to you. I managed to call the helpdesk and there I talked to you already. # You called our helpdesk? Well, it wasnt me, it must have been a collegue of mine. - Are you serious?? My apologies. I work in IT myself, and I had no idea 2!! women would work in 1 company! - Hi, im looking for a relationship consultancy company that works through computers and information gave me your number. - Hi, I have Compuserv, but id like to know more about internet. # Shall I send you a package? - Ehm, can I get software somewhere? # You can call our dialins at 6222175 and login as new. Then you can read all kinds of information. You can download the software as soon as you opened an account with us. - Oh, and what do I do with that 6222175 number? # Well, you call it , thats the number of our computer. - Yes, but, how do I send it? # You dont, you call it with your modem. - I see, but how do I do that? # How do you usually call compuserv? - Well, with my modem ofcourse. # Well, you do the exact same with our number. - Yes, but what do I do with it? # You make your modem call our number, and it connects to xs4all. - OOoooohh, I have to _CALL_ that number! # yes indeed sir, good luck. - Hello? Id like to make my homepage publically accessible. # You can use the command 'wwwsetup' for that sir. - NO No NO! I dont need that command! I need something with c h m o d. # Hmm, if you insist, one moment. # Sir, you can use chmod 755 for the directory - Ah, And how do I spell chmod? # c h m o d. But the command 'wwwsetup' does the exact same thing. - Oh yeah?? Oh, how do I spell that? -- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ | Cor Bosman | ____Xs4all Public Access____ | tel: +31-(0)20-622-2885 | | cor@xs4all.net | Network Administrator | fax: +31-(0)20-622-2753 | ------------------The net routes around censorship---------------------SP4.99-