White Toast hefted his fork. It was a standard- ____________issue
Toastfork, perhaps a bit more worn, maybe just /)#($^&($#*%%/a
little adjusted in places- more battle scars /$ /---------/than
seven-eighths of his troops could boast of. /% /Shiny, but in a
__________________________________________/# /_________dull,
/@#$%$#$$(*^#&(%*$@&$&^#$%)$(%@*$&^#($*%_@$($%&#(%&#$(%*\matte
\__________________________________________ _________/sort of
way. Good, heavy steel. It had always made \ %\him feel a little
more safe, less scared, more sure of himself \ *\whenever he held
it. He didn't really know why, but it had done\ ^\---------\that
for him since he was issued it as a raw recruit\____________\He
held it a little longer just to feel the comforting solidness of
it, and then went out to do what he had to do, to deal with Nemoth
and Burned Toast. He felt that he would have need of the strength
it seemed to lend him in the long, tiring days that would come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
_________
A toastling sat (### ) by himself on the grass a little bit
away from camp. l#'O O` l He was a very young little toastling,
he had barely, /l #l\ just barely, completed his training.
He was scared to|l_____##l_\death. He didn't want to die, or to
kill anybody. /| / \ |\He would have been __very happy just
to knock off, but \/_ _\/ he _______________/__couldn't. White
Toast wouldn't be \ / scared I bet,he thought\__Anyways, he
couldn't let his mates down. They were all sitting in there,
waiting. He lifted his fork and went inside for the last time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <-->
|oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo|
|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|
|| || || || || || || || || || ||
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Toast Army stood on the grass in the wet, wee hours of the
morn. They stood side-by-side, with Toastforks strapped to their
backs and fresh toast-marks on their sides. They stood on there on
the grass silently and stared across the lawn to where the TOE
were standing. They stood waiting for the signal to unsheath their
forks and try to re-sheath them in the bodies of their enemies.
Some of the insults the other army were tossing at them became
unbearable- You bloody toastling gits fight like spamlings! They
cried. White Toast sent the order down the line that the first
toast to move without his order would be hung. The taunts grew
worse. The TOE grew more confident. They teased the toastlings,
threw rocks, threw forks. They scattered all about, waiting. White
Toast looked at the opposition, and at his own troops, waiting
there, stock-still, rigid, and killing mad, some of them. He
whispered a command to Cheese Mage. The Toasts ran forward,
screaming and brandishing their forks, gleaming in the bright sun.
<--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <--> <-->
|oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo| |oo|
|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|\/|__|
|| || || || || || || || || || ||
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
White Toast looked over the scene, only three hours later. His
troops lay all about, sick, wounded, and dead.The only consolation
Was that the number of _________ TOE dead was even higher. He
stumbled, heartsick, /_________\ through a group of his own
and went to check on a l# O O ltoastling who lay next to a wall.
The toastling died _|___l #l___|_moments after White Toast
got there. White / l_____##l \______________________ Toast
laid him down. WHITE TOAST| |said /%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%\
a voice. White Toast _|_ _|_ |%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%|
looked up into _________ ^ ^ /%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%\the
face of Burned ( )Toast. /--------------------------\
Burned ____/ \_Toast |%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%|held
a TOE fork / /___________\\poised l l to
throw. You're i__,____.__i /\going l lto die
now, whispered _/_ _\_Burned l l_____
Toast. And? ^ ^White Toast/l l
whispered back. Burned Toast threw/ l l the
fork. It bounced off of the rock / l l at
White Toast's head and landed back at Burned Toast's feet. White
Toast closed his eyes, anticipating the blow, readying himself for
it, tasting it. He opened his eyes, just in time to see Burned
Toast collapse into a heap of carbonized bread on the ground.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Behind the black, _ ___charred remains ___ _\of Burned Toast's
body stood The | -/ /____---------____\ \- |\Rogue Croissant
from the Land of \_/ / / ` ' \ \ \_/|\the Yuppy Foods.
She was holding an|__| | O O | |__| | \odd, curved,
sharp-looking thing, | | | | _/_|which she had
just pulled out of \____\/ \/____/ / \ /Burned Toast's
back. She strapped it _____/---------\_______/ |/to her back and
helped White Toast __/up. You | |should be a /good deal more
careful about being/|in that _|_ _|_sort of a /position,you know,
she said. If Pikat hadn't had ^ ^me watching you... Hmm, you
know, replied White Toast, __________ I don't know whether to be
annoyed or flattered? ## /$%%^&##%**\Flattered, I should think.
Pikat obviously is # of /$**$%*****$@\# the opinion that you're
worth keeping alive. And(##%**^%@###$#$) ## what exactly, if I may
ask, is Pikat's opinion \______________/ worth? The Rogue
Croissant grinned. That, she said, is a very, very good question.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
______________
I was born in the Land(______________)of the Yuppy Foods. This is,
of course, why I am |::::::::::::| called the Rogue Croissant
from the Land of the /..___.........\ Yuppy Foods. The reason why
Pikats opinion is |../OEOE\........| important is the story of
how I came to be the |.|OEO^EO\____...| *Rogue* Croissant and not
just the Croissant. |./\OEOEOE\^OE\..| Both of us, actually, were
born in the LotYF. ||OE\EOE^O\OE^E|.| Pikat and I, I mean. In
any case, I grew up |.\__\OEOEO\__/..|there and learned to do all
the things that the |../OE\^EOOE|\...| Yuppy Foods dote on- give
dinner parties, buy |./OE^O\___/\^\..| and sell stock, wear silly
yet designer ties. |.|OEOE/OEOE|OE\.| {White Toast shuddered}
Only I'd always been |./\__/OE^OE|^OE|| a bit of an odd duck. For
One thing, I had this||OEE^|OE^OE|__/.| (and she indicated the
sharp thing on her |.\___/\___/.....| back) which I call the
Notfork. I made it. \______________/ Anyways, then I met Pikat.
We were both sort of out of favor- she was running an underground.
She got us all out, about four or five years ago. She got CUUI's
attention, I think, by doing that. Maybe twenty of us got out- and
you just don't know the LotYF if you think that was easy. NO ONE,
I mean NO ONE gets out. They don't export dissidents. They execute them.
Working for Ketoth is a front- Pikat runs most of this place. Directly under-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
_______
The Rogue Croissant screamed and /..^*&%#\threw herself in front
of White Toast. A burst of flame |_.^*&%#|charred her, and she
fell dead on the ground in front of/| ` ' |\White Toast. Directly
in front of White Toast stood | | _ | | Nemoth Freezergod.
Nemoth's eyes flashed, and his | \___/ | pale, green skin
went taut and even paler. He __|__|---|__|__ raised his arm to
kill White Toast. White Toast \ \___/ / looked Nemoth in
the eye and said silently, you /| | | |\know you will never
win, Nemoth. Here you destroy / \ | | / |something greater
than you but that doesn't make/ | | | | |you great. You
are a barbarian smashing the / | | | | |Roman cities.
Nemoth screamed as though he/ /| | | | |could hear White
Toast's derision. He made / / | | | | |his staff appear
and raised it high, ready / | | | | | |to bring it down.
For the second time that /_ | | | | | |day, the life of
White Toast was spared.___ \ | | | | | |Pikat stood to
the side of Nemoth. With// || | |..| |..|__\her staff, she
hooked him round, //// \ | |..| |..||blooding him and
making him howl with /// \| |::| |::| \rage. Standing
there, Pikat seemed @ | |::| |::|_/taller than her
real height. Nemoth' '@ |^^| |^^|stirred and threw
flame and ice back . . |^^| |^^|in her direction.
Pikat stumbled for. @ |&&| |&&|a moment and then
returned his blow. |&&| |&&|This went on for
only a few minutes @ ' |***| |***|and Nemoth never
really had much ' . _ |***| |***|of a chance. In
the end, |#\ _____ /*| |%%%| |%%%|he died on his
knees. |**-"#####"/__/ |%%%| |%%%|White Toast
spat on \/ |*- - |-// |##| |##|his body, and
picked up \ /_____/|_/ \#|_______|#/his fork. He
looked around| _| _| \___/_helplessly at all the dead toasts, at
the body_\__/ | of Burned Toast, and at the body of the
Rogue | Croissant. Pikat gathered the Rogue Croissant's body
up, and then left with a look of pain on her face. White Toast
clung to his fork for a moment and then walked wearily off of the
field.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
_________
// \ / __ ___
\| | \| | /_/
| | |__| |/__
| |--| |
_/|__ __/ | \___
______
/ _/ __ ____
/_/ \| | | _/ \
|/____ |\ | |/ |
| | | | | _/|
\ __/ | \| | | |
\___/__/_/| _/| |__/_/
*All ascii by Kalirush Toastdancer (Julia Porter), with the exception
of the original toast ascii (permutated by me into White Toast, Burned
Toast, and the sad little toastling) which is by Lillith S. Rael(Skye
Carlson). All text by Kalirush Toastdancer as well. Feel free to
spread this about if you so wish, but make sure if you do to include
this bit at the end. I worked for months on and off on this and would
like to get credit for it. Also, this is, um, well copyrighted-
anything you post online is. So if you steal it, you will be breaking
the law. Also, if you want to show it, I would like a note from you,
just email. I would really appreciate it. Thank you.
Go back to the ascii
page, or
go back to the toast
page.