This was a guest column on the editorial page of the Gainesville Sun, 
on May 14, 1995

Woman Wants a Different Kind of Mother's Day
by Colleen Kay Porter
	
I'm sure that Mother's Day this year will be lovely as always, 
filled with flowers, adorable notes, and breakfast in bed.  But 
there are a few things I would like for Mother's Day that my own 
family cannot give me. 
 	
From the Alachua County public schools, I would like the inclusion 
of parenting in their Career Day program for middle schoolers.  
Having one parent at home full-time is an option for many 
families; more than 40% of American preschoolers have a parent at 
home, yet children do not see this role portrayed as a respected 
profession, and kids from 2-income homes may have no idea what an 
at-home parent at home does all day (I get a lot of cute questions 
from my children's friends).  I believe that young people of both 
genders need to be exposed to all possible career choices, 
including the idea of being an at-home parent for a season of 
their lives.  It's true that this is a temporary profession since 
children only stay little for a short time, yet other worthwhile 
occupations represented at Career Day are similar in that respect; 
for example, many people serve in the military just for one term 
of enlistment before moving on to other pursuits.  
	
From the U.S. Congress, I would like enactment of the, "Homemaker 
IRA Equity Act" (S. 287, H.R. 708) which removes the unequal 
limits on IRA contributions.  Currently, a dual-income family can 
deduct up to $4000 in IRA contributions, while families with a 
non-income earning spouse are restricted to $2250.  Senators Kay 
Bailey Hutchison (R-TX) and Barbara Mikulski (D-MD) have 
introduced this legislation for the past few years.
	
From the Gainesville Sun, I would like the title "homemaker" or 
"mother" listed as the occupation in obituariesoeright up there in 
the heading, in large print underneath the name the way they do 
for employed people.  So many women have their occupations left 
blank, and then later in the text we find out that she was a 
"homemaker", and perhaps the mother of many children.  Why can't 
this title be included in the "occupation" line?  It certainly 
isn't the kind of work we do, for cooks, custodians, child care 
workers and nursing home attendants all have their occupation 
listed.  
	
From secretaries, receptionists, and dispatchers, I would like 
them to stop asking me whether I work.  Last year an office lost 
their record of my appointment.  "Do you work?"  the receptionist 
asked.  "If you had to take time off, we'll fit you in."  Well, I 
thought about getting a babysitter, covering the carpool, and 
reorganizing the nursing baby's schedule.  "Yes, I had to take 
time off," I announced.  
	
From my neighbors, please avoid starting requests for daycare backup 
by saying, "Listen, since you're not doing anything, anyway...."  
Some of the kids are cute, and I really don't mind helping with child 
care in a pinch, but it would come across better as, "Listen, could 
you possibly find time to help us..."
	
From my doctors, I would like the same kind of care regardless of my 
employment status.  In 1991, the American Medical Association's Council 
on Judicial and Ethical Affairs issued a report, "Gender Disparities in 
Clinical Decision-Making," which found marked differences in the way
 men and women were treated when presenting with the exact same 
symptoms.  They noted, "Societal value judgments placed on gender or 
gender roles may also put women at a disadvantage in the context of 
receiving certain major diagnostic and therapeutic interventions...
A general perception that men's social role obligations are greater 
than women's may fuel these disparities."  Nowadays, the issue seems 
to have shifted from male versus female to employed versus at-home.   
Some parents find that when they quit paid employment, doctors are more 
likely to leave their annoying symptoms untreated since, "After all, 
you're just at home...."   
	
The fact is, most mothers are working mothers, whether we are paid 
or not and whether our focus of activity is inside or outside the home.  
	
I work very hard at managing a large household, raising my children 
and helping out when elderly relatives need assistance.  I am not 
currently employed because my contribution to the family finances 
(child care, sewing, cooking, hair cutting, etc.) is worth more than 
the income from my other profession.  Rather than clipping coupons,  
I go for the big ticket items like finding a  mortgage, researching 
college scholarships, and getting second opinions on everything from 
insurance to orthodontics (there was more than $1,300 difference in 
the low and high estimates for braces).  
	
We also feel that there are intangible benefits:  The flexibility to 
stay in bed cuddling a baby.  The availability to chaperone school 
field trips.  The opportunity to be the primary influence in our 
children's lives as they learn about the world and ask questions that 
will teach values, like, "What is a WASP?  Why has there never been 
a woman President?  Who has the best chance of getting AIDS, you or me?"  
	
Having one parent at home isn't something that every family can afford, 
or that every person is interested in doing.  But those who choose 
this occupation deserve the same rights and respect as workers in any 
other profession.  
	
That's what I'd like for Mother's Day.