Your One-Way Ticket To The Land Of Truth

One man's trip to Peru; your trip to eternal salvation, or triple your money back

Not long ago, I went to seek truth in Peru in South America. For you Americans, that's not Texas or Mississippi but a whole 'nuther continent, South America. My Spanish is now fluent enough to get me slapped, and I met many people I remain in touch with.

Peru is an amazing country, full of unexplored ruins, vast mountain ranges, steamy jungles, interesting and friendly people, and a lot of drugs. I didn't try any illegal ones, just the coca leaf (which is legal and rather common above a certain altitude) and the tea made from it. Kept me spunky, yes sir. I hope to be going back soon, and recommend that you consider a trip there as well.

Picture Galleries:  
Gallery 1 Cuzco/Machu Picchu: YOU'RE HERE! Gallery 2: Chachapoyas
True Accounts:  
Full-length account of my trip, part I Full-length account of my trip, part II


Machu Picchu & Cuzco

The ancient citadel. I took this shot from the adjacent mountain, Huayna Picchu, which according to the my Quechua phrasebook means "young peak." The gatekeeper, however told me it means "Shut Up, Pink Boy."

Hurrying to reach the the mystical place I had heard so much about, I ran up the mountain in eager anticipation. I just couldn't wait to the the ruins of the ancient advanced civilization that inhabited the Andes mountains.

I came to a narrow line of steps leading up to the ruins. Running up the steps was tricky; they were about ten inches wide and four inches across. They were even harder to descend. Who built these?

I finally made it. I began chewing the sacred leaf before entering the citadel. The coca leaf has been chewed by residents of the Andes for centuries; it helps alleviate detrimental effects of the altitude and relieves fatigue. And running up those mountains can be fatiguing!

Walking along the outer path circling the citadel, I encountered a telling sign. Where could this lead?

Hmmmm, this looks a little familiar. I have seen that face before!

The entrance to a holy cave. Note how the masonry smoothly conforms to the rock. I felt the urge to stumble in with a bottle of aguardiente and drink until midnight, communicating with the spirits I knew were present. Sweet Bejeezus! Must fight strange urges... something... drawing me to it..

This is about half of a temple comprised of these oddly shaped rock formations.... So twisted, so unearthly, so powerful, it could only have been molded by the mighty Stark Fist of Removal itself! Symmetry and grace have been forever banished from this graveyard. I began to sense that this had been a place where angels feared to tread.

Here I am, inspecting the sacred bloodletting altar, the Intihuatana. Note pipe and recommended exhalation of smoke from eyes. The last I heard, they were filming a beer commercial for Cerveza Cuzqueña here, and the camera fell and broke part of the Intihuatana. Come on guys, you can drink after the shoot. 

Along the wall, I encountered a strange protrusion. I tried to budge it but couldn't. The guide said it was an immoveable door to a chamber where the ancient ones conducted sex-filled rituals. If I only could get a look at that chamber....

I searched further. In a small clearing surrounded by four high walls, I found the grave which seemed to be the purpose of the whole citadel. I jumped down in. Covered by a light bed of grass, the site was very peaceful. I lapsed into unconsciousness..

I re-appeared outside Cuzco, as if dropped from the sky. I landed in a giant field before an immense fortress. I beheld the gigantic stones of the fortress of Sacsayhuaman (pronounced "Sexy Woman.") From the air, the outline of the fortress resembles the shapely Connie Dobbs.

I wandered away from the fortress, and came upon a smaller one on the way back to Cuzco. Here's a band of merry pipers displaying a selection of local pipes for sale. Note the diversity in size and style. Dobbs has left his ever-mutating mark everywhere.

The incredible tale of discoveries continues in the mysterious northern cloud forest region of Chachapoyas:

Part II


Another adventurer, Jay Smith of Georgia, also went to the same sites in Chachapoyas. He tells his story here but didn't discover proof of the ancient global SLACK empire.

E-Mail me with your discoveries:

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Samba down Rio way with Eco-Brazil.