I just called my job and told them I wouldn't be in today. My allergies have been acting up, and I'm not talking so clearly. I didn't sleep so well last night because I kept having to clear my throat. I woke up this morning fully capable of singing bass. I also just wrote my credit card company a check for a lot of money. They will like me a lot.
I got "Final Fantasy 7" for my Playstation tonight. My original intention was to get a controller for my PC so I could play FF7 with an actual controller rather than just the keyboard. When I went to Wal-Mart, though, controllers resembling a Playstation controller started at twenty dollars. (The one I actually wanted was about forty dollars.) I decided that I might as well just get the Playstation version of FF7 and play it.
I was just playing with my Game Enhancer. I put in a code that put Sephiroth in my party. It was a great deal of fun cutting through all of the enemies at the beginning of the game—fun right up until the point the game crashed. I think if I saved the game once I had Sephiroth in my party and then turned the code off the game would be much less likely to crash. By the way, let me be the first to wish you all a happy Groundhog Day. Any holiday glorifying a furry rodent creature is just fine in my book. Besides, it is infinitely cooler than that other February holiday.
I seem to be sick. My nose is all stuffy, and talking seems to provoke me to cough. I just called work and told them that I wouldn't be in today. Man, I really need to start feeling better.
I just found out that Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog in Pennsylvania (also the most famous), did not see his shadow.
I just spent the last couple of hours talking to Katie and trying to help her sort out some things involving her current boyfriend and another guy she's interested in. I don't know how much I helped.
I am really sick. I got up at around four with a terrible fever and a raging headache. I kept trying to go back to sleep, but I finally just got up at five. I knew that I needed some medicine. Unfortunately, the only place that I could think of that was open was Wal-Mart (which is open 24 hours). I knew that I couldn't drive in the condition I was in so I put a plan into action. I walked down to the bathroom to get a hot shower. I also turned on the shower in the stall next to mine with just hot water running. This put out a lot of steam. The steam helped clear my head; and, after about thirty minutes, I felt that I could drive without crashing. I drove down to Wal-Mart and picked up some Nyquil. I intend to take some of it and sleep my cold away just as soon as I can call into work and let them know that I won't be there. Just for your reference, if you live on campus here at the University of Florida, you can move your car at five-thirty in the morning and your spot will still be there at 6:15.
I got up from my Nyquil-induced sleep in time to watch Oprah. Today's show was all about rape. The thought that some "men" don't respect the limits of women really makes me rage. It always has. Personally, I think that any man who rapes a woman should have his penis surgically removed. I don't honestly care if that is considered "cruel and usual punishment". We don't let violent criminals carry guns. By that same token, we shouldn't let low-life rapist pieces of crap continue to carry around a penis that they use as a weapon. Women should be respected and adored, not violated.
I just got my Sailor Moon t-shirt in the mail. It's totally cool. My coloring book didn't come with it though. They tried to import it for me, but it had been discontinued. Today at work I got to see that CNN segment that I filmed. They have shots of me working on the computer (including my grades from last term and my financial aid information). They had a couple of sound clips from me. The coolest thing though was a wide screen shot of my room showing all my posters, my toys, and me sitting at my computer.
S'mores Pop Tarts and a brand new Sailor Moon shirt make for a great start to any morning.
I got to spend my entire day at work in front of a PC. This means that, in addition to doing my work, I was also able to check my e-mail and take a look at some web pages. I was also answering phones. It was a great afternoon.
Last night, Lisa, Allyson, Jason, Eric, Richard, and I all went to Applebee's together. It was a lot of fun. First of all, I had a lot of friends there with me. That's always a step in the right direction. Then I looked up at the TV right in front of us at the bar. "Star Trek" (Original Series) was on. (I couldn't hear it...but still.) Then, "Eleanor Rigby" starts playing out of the speaker above our heads. How many times in your life does something like that happen?
Today, Jason and I watched all four episodes of "Macross Plus". I really enjoyed it. I thought that the storyline for "Macross Plus" was better than the storyline for "Macross 2: The Movie". Of course they were both good.
I just took a walk to the Reitz Union to get some money to order a pizza. After I had visited the ATM, I couldn't resist walking down to the duck pond. I stared at the water out there for about fifteen minutes. I couldn't really see anything. It was just soothing to watch the distorted light on the water shimmer around in the breeze. As I stood there, I realized just how alone I was. I'd really love to find someone who I could share moments like tonight with. So many of you have told me things like "Don't worry so much about it. As long as your so intent on finding someone, you'll never find her." Therein lies the tragedy, I think. I can't stop worrying about not having a girlfriend. The act of worrying is in my very nature.
I just got back from a long walk. I just felt like I should be out there in the night. I ended up over by Century Tower. The bells in the tower were playing a medly of music. I wanted to sit down and just listen, but I felt strange doing that. I got a cup of coffee out of the vending machine and sat down on the bricks outside the tower. It seemed like the bells were playing how I felt. I sat there for about thirty minutes before I finally got up and walked back.
I got the "Macross Digital Mission VFX" import game for my Playstation tonight. It's a lot of fun, but I discovered that my Game Enhancer is little more than an easier version of the "swap trick". I still have to make my Playstation believe that the door is closed while I switch out CDs. In any event, the game is a lot of fun. I also had a sociology test today. I didn't start studying for it until about 7:00 this morning. At 9:00, I left for class and got an A on the test. I never even opened the textbook. I just used the study guide. I was quite proud of myself.
Sorry there haven't been any updates of late. My web server went down for a few days. (Sorry for any inconvenience that caused.) At the same time, my network here on campus crashed, sending me back to using a modem. My network won't be fixed until Friday. Thankfully, my web server was a lot more efficient than that.
There was just a squirrel at our window. He climbed up our screen and perched on top of our open window. He sat there for a while doing whatever it is that sitting-up squirrels do. After a bit, he decided to climb down the screen again. I was sitting there talking to him the entire time. After climbing down the screen, he sat out there on the ledge, trying to figure out a way inside to find this person who was talking to him. After hitting the screen with his paw a couple of times and nudging it with his head, he got frustrated and jumped to a nearby tree. I think this is the coolest thing to happen to me all week.
I just had a disturbing dream in which almost everyone in the world was killed by a bomb. I remember that as the time approached for the bomb to go off I couldn't find my nephew. I ran out of the safe area to go find him. After a long search and with just seconds to spare, I made it back to the safe area, clutching him tightly and crying uncontrollably. I also dreamed a little bit of the aftermath, which was basically me suddenly breaking down in tears when I thought of someone who was dead. Very disturbing dream.
I just got back from the Hoggtowne Medieval Fair. I got a dagger from one of the good merchants. I couldn't exactly buy a sword right now so the dagger filled my edged weapon needs nicely. I also got to see real hawks. They are really beautiful creatures. It was really cool though because they kept looking at me like "Mister, if I could move off of this post, I'd fly over there and claw your freaking eyes out." I would also like to state for the record that girls look very nice in psuedo-Medieval gear....very nice...
Valentine's Day is less than an hour away, and it seems that I'll have another lonely Valentine's Day to add to my life. I would love to have a good Valentine's Day someday. I'd love to have a girl to spend time with on Valentine's Day. I'd love to have someone to shower affection on. I swear with all of my heart that I would do my best to be a good boyfriend if I were ever lucky enough to have a girlfriend. I'd try to find that happy medium between being too close and being too far away. I don't claim that I would be perfect. I know that I would fail her. I know that I am merely a human, but I would do my best. Does it seem like I'm rambling? I am. Of course, all this speculation about what if I had a girlfriend is really rather pointless. With each passing year, I become more and more convinced that I am damned to wander the Earth for the rest of my life alone with no one to love. Does it sound like I'm obsessed? Of course I am. Love is the most important thing that humans can share. Think I have a complex? Good...I'd hate to be simple. Why? Why can't I have someone? Maybe I'm unlovable. I know that I'm not physically attractive, and regardless of what people often say I know that such things are important. I know that I'm a very moody person. Maybe my mood shifts are too much for someone to handle. Maybe I want too much closeness. Maybe I want too much space. Maybe I think too much. Maybe I'm not manly enough. The only thing I do know is that I don't understand. (Delicious contradiction, is it not?) There are nights when I just want to walk outside and scream at the sky. This is one of them. I hate not understanding. I hate being alone. My girl friends often tell me that I'm a very likable guy. I've been called cute. Once in high school a girl told one of her friends that I was "the type of guy that you marry". Were they just saying these things to be nice? If all of this is truly the case, then why am I sitting here alone in my room on February 13 listening to "My Only Love" on repeat play, dreading tomorrow? Valentine's Day should be a happy day. It should be a time for couples to express their feelings for each other. It becomes a source of great pain though when you have no one to express your affection for, no one to do those sweet romantic things for, no one to hold in your arms while you look at the stars, no one. If anyone out there has an ounce of hope, I beg you to share it with me.
I just took a long walk around the campus in the cold night air. It didn't make me feel any better.
I love Tuesdays. I have no class, and I get to sleep in. Tuesdays are wonderful.
I just picked up the latest issue of The Official PlayStation Magazine. As always, it came packaged with a demo disc. I have determined that all of the demos on the disc totally stink. In other news, today at work, I learned how to process drop/add forms. The longer I work at the Registrar's Office, the more stuff I learn. I really like my job.
I just laundered all of my bed clothing. My pillows and blankets now smell springtime fresh.
The other day, I ordered the Final Fantasy anime video. I was just notified that my videos had shipped. I can expect them in two to six weeks.
I really need to start jogging again. I'm terribly out of shape, and I become rounder every day.
Today at work, I discovered a gateway to the Web using my 1970-style dumb terminal. This grants me the ability to browse web pages while I work.
This evening, I find myself pondering girls. This is not an uncommon state for me. I think about girls a lot. I think about how cool girls are in general and specifically how cool it would be to have a girlfriend. This comes as no surprise to those who have read most of the entries on this update page. I really am a lot like a broken record. It's just that girls are so amazing. It totally baffles me how so many girls are so down on themselves. When I think of some of the girls I've had the honor of knowing, I can't help but believe that women are superior to men. I really don't understand that whole historical gender bias. Girls kick butt. I just wish I could find one of these girls that I think so highly of who just happens to think I'm pretty special too. Though I'm sure I would be quite bad at it due to my inexperience, being a boyfriend to such a girl would truly be an honor. Okay. I'm forcing myself to go to bed now before I start writing the "Girls Kick Butt" Broadway musical here.
I am very afraid of my Romantic Literature test tomorrow. Our instructor told us that we have to know "everything". He also made it a point to tell us that the exam would be very picky and that many of us would fail. I'm scared.
I just ran into Danny, my first-year roommate. He is transferring to Florida State next semester to participate in their marine biology program. In other news, my literature professor decided to give us an extension on our paper that was due on Monday. After grading our exams, she thought we needed a bit more time to discuss the papers. Now they aren't due until Wednesday.
I'm wondering where everyone is. Usually on Friday nights, the fellows and I go out for something to eat or something like that. I didn't hear anything from them this evening. I just tried to call George and Richard's apartment as well as Jason's room, but neither party was home. I guess I'll have to just go out to eat and have fun on my own.
This afternoon, I ordered my very own Final Fantasy 7 Vincent doll to accompany Aeris at the top of my computer. I haven't been able to find the Vincent doll in Gainesville since the night I got Aeris. At the time, I only had enough money to purchase Aeris. By the time I made it back to Software Etc, Vincent was gone. The moral of this story is that the Internet is great.
Last night, the guys and I decided to make a trip to Wal-Mart to buy a board game. I ended up getting Life, and we sat up playing it until around 2:30 in the morning. While I was over there, I got to play Castlevania for the N64. This was a very unfortunate move on my part. The game is so good that now I have to figure out how I can buy an N64 and "Castlevania 64".
After trying to convince Jen to go to Baskin Robbins and failing in the attempt, I ended up going to the Freshen's here on campus. While I was there, I ran into Lisa. I think I've done a pretty darn good job of moving my feelings to a purely Platonic level. Lisa is my friend. I do, however, still seem to have the problem with staring. I have to constantly tell my brain to disable the "Stare at Lisa" function.
Okay, folks. I apologize for the lack of an update yesterday. I just spent the past fourteen hours or so working on a paper for my Contemporary American Literature class on Jack Kerouac's On the Road. I even had to take off from work today to make sure I got it done. I don't know why I have to do papers all at once, but I just do. I have to work on a paper in one long stretch if I want it to be any good. To illustrate to you how diligently I worked on my paper, I'll tell you that even though my Final Fantasy anime videos came in today I didn't watch them; and you must understand that I desperately wanted to. Nevertheless, I resisted the temptation to fire up the VCR, and now I'm sitting up at three in the morning with a printed out final draft of my paper. Unfortunately, I can't seem to convince myself to go to bed now. I've drank about three pots of espresso today, and my body doesn't seem to understand that it can go to sleep now. I was all prepared to stay up all night getting the paper done, but it just went faster than I expected. Now it seems that I can only sit up and think until my eyes get tired enough to fall asleep. The world is an insanely lonely place at three in the morning.
I just had a rather satiating "breakfast" of creamy chicken ramen noodles. I feel like now maybe I can head to bed and catch a few hours of sleep before I have to get up again for class.
I got my Vincent doll in the mail today. He now stands on top of my computer right along with Aeris and the midget chocobo. I also got around to watching my Final Fantasy anime videos last night. They were okay. If you're looking for an introduction to Japanese anime, this isn't really the movie you'd want to watch. Also, I wouldn't go into it expecting a Square-quality plot. To be honest, the whole movie is really a cliche, but I still enjoyed it immensely.
I'm heading home to Jasper for the weekend. I should be back on Sunday.