YOU MIGHT BE AN SDA IF...

· The first thing you do when you are introduced to a woman is to look at her ears

· You went to a boarding academy that had two sidewalks: one for girls and one for boys (and the two never intersect)

· You have sex with your spouse, but you don’t dance with him or her

· You got your sex education from Mom handing you a book by Harold Shyrock, MD.

· You feel mildly guilty reading the Song of Solomon

· You or someone you know has ever been "on social"

· You have heard that SDA girls don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t dance, but sure know how to kiss

· You ever wondered if the earth will last long enough for you to get a boy/girl friend

· You won’t watch a movie until it comes out on video

· You went to banquets instead of dances in high school

· You know who is engaged by asking for the time

· You look at someone’s hands, see no ring, and still wonder if they are married or not

· You see a watch on somebody’s right arm, and you wonder whether they are engaged, or just left-handed

· Your first date was to a vespers

· You know how to play poker with Bible author cards and wheat thins

· You have ever looked for angels outside a movie theater

· You have all the "Egypt to Canaan" answers memorized

· You know how to turn any sport into a Sabbath sport (Bible verse ping pong, Bible verse basketball, Bible verse football—the winner of each point must recite a Bible verse. "Jesus wept" may be used only once.)

· You participate in any kindof sport on Sabbath, but claim you don’t enjoy it

· You know how to play Rook, but have never played Hearts or Bridge

· You won’t play poker or bridge, but stay up in the wee hours Saturday night playing Rook or Make-A-Million

· You wait until you’re outta town to go see a movie

· You still feel guilty when you shower on Sabbath

· On Sabbath you catch yourself telling kids, "You may wade, but don’t swim."

· On Sabbath you as a kid can paddle around the pool/lake, but not splash, jump, or dive

· You can calculate sundown in Lincoln City from the schedule printed in the Gleaner for Portland

· You know that the bells ringing on Saturday evening in Loma Linda are the "all clear"

· You define "lay activities" as a Saturday afternoon nap

· You deliberately look for work in hospitals because Sabbath work there is "justified"

· You find yourself counting down the seconds that you can watch your favorite show on Friday evening before sundown

· You hate seeing sundown Saturday night because it means you have to wash the accumulated dishes from Sabbath

· You don’t make up your bed on Sabbath

· You have a feeling of satisfaction getting home Friday at least 5 minutes before sundown

· You find yourself counting down seconds before sundown Saturday evening

· You get frustrated when the sun doesn’t go down early on Saturday night

· You go to Sizzler’s Friday afternoon to pay for Sabbath dinner

· You go out for lunch after church, but put it on your credit card so you don’t actually pay for it on Sabbath

· You set the VCR on Friday afternoon to catch the big Saturday football game... and then smugly watch it after sunset (Saturday night)

· You wonder whether videotaping a program on Sabbath and watching it on Sunday constitutes a sin

· You have ever gone on a nature hike on a Sabbath afternoon

· Friday and Saturday are your busiest days of the week

· The words "Sabbath" and "Saturday" are interchangeable, depending on who you are talking with at the time

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