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IF NOT FOR THE COURAGE OF THE FEARLESS CREW, THE MINNOW WOULD BE LOST
But alas, me thinks there was much to like about this episode. It was easy to drain old water-logged re-run images once Tsunami began. And even easier once the fearless crew got on board the tiny ship, and easier still as the crises got under way. There I was waiting, waiting, waiting for Titanic, or Poseidon or Captain Kirk, and who shows up? Gilligan's Island! Yipee! My favorite! The home of Tara and Eldon and Nematoad's temple guards, and the rest!
Let's face it, Macon is nothing more than a super testosterone-overloaded version of the Skipper, minus a few hundred (OK, maybe ten) brain cells. Xena and gABrielle are the intelligent, independent, overtly in love personas of Maryanne and Ginger that w ere illegal for TV viewing audiences in the ‘60s, but much sought after by TV viewing audiences in the ‘90s. And slaver dude and his preggers wifey are Mr. and Mrs. Howell incarnate. (Shown here just before Mrs. Howell was spayed and Thurston made his mil lions exploiting the poor). Aside from John Lennon and Perry Mason, the Professor is the only man I've ever loved, and Autolycus is the perfect Professor. He's smart, thoughtful, introspective and naturally does more than his fair share to contribute to t he collective well being. Petridiese is, of course, Gilligan with fear instead of stupidity in high gear.
Without prodding the Professor jumps right into character moments after that mean ol' wave flips the Minnow.
Skipper: This is crazy. It's impossible.
Professor: Improbable maybe. Impossible? Clearly not.
And then he doesn't hesitate to lend a hand at Maryanne's command to help find Ginger. Once they find her, he's in full-on good helper mode, clearing debris off her, and being appropriately concerned.
Professor: The wound, I can't see it.
Maryanne: That's because it's not hers...Ginger...
Ginger: Mr. Howell, he's hurt, he's...
Maryanne: He's an exploiter of poor people and the incarcerated...We'll have to go back to that fortune teller and ask her to tune into where they hid the eighth amendment in this town...anyway I know he's hurt, we can see that, are you all right?
Ginger: I am. I think.
Maryanne: Good, because I need your help.
Ahhhh. True to her promise, made by the light of the silvery fishy constellation the week before, the brunette bangs breastplate does a swell job of acknowledging the value of the blonde bangs bard by easily coping to needing her help.
Gilligan: Can I help?
Maryanne: No way junior. Your reputation precedes you. Sit in the corner and think about how shitty it was of you to trick your brother into running into a raging surf to retrieve a ball.
Gilligan obliges and starts to cry as another great XWP medical moment ensues with Ginger and Maryanne setting Thurston's broken leg, and Lovey soothing his greedy brow.
Unexpectedly, but predictably, the Skipper has a hard-core hormone moment and just has to open that door, leaving our girls to discuss their plight in earnest.
Ginger (to Maryanne, as she takes her hand, looks her straight in the eye and starts nibbling on her finger tips): Whadda we gonna do, poopsey?
Maryanne: Well, give me ten minutes to get us outa this topsy-turvy shippy mess, and then after that we're gonna pick up where we left off this morning, before you had to jump out of bed to make your appointment with that fortune teller.
Ginger (kissing the palm of Maryanne's hand): Ooooo, goody! Lets blow this tub and get back to the basics...
Professor: Damn, I feel guilty about my friends following me onto this sinking ship all because I'm a money grubbing huckster nice guy.
Maryanne: I'll drink to that. Hand me that coconut shell, would ya.
Professor: It's empty. Nuthin' but hot air.
Maryanne: Hot air? Grand! Ginger, you and Mrs. Howell go blow up these coconut shells. We're gonna float outa here and get back to the morning's regularly scheduled activities.
Skipper: Plllllpppppp on that idea.
Ginger: Hey Skipper, let's get something clarified right quick here, kay? Our morning's regularly scheduled activities don't include you.
Skipper: I was talking about the floating coconut idea, ya bunch of testosterone lacking pansies. If your brain stems were missing like mine, you'd try to swim to the surface like I'm gonna do.
Ginger (ignoring the Skipper, like all of the other crew): Here Maryanne, the shells are ready.
Maryanne: OK, couple up with the sick and infirm. I'll go last and escort hormone boy. Without a brain stem I'm sure he'll try to kill me, or something as equally stupid on the way up, but I can hang with that, me being who I am and all.
Ginger (to Maryanne): Gawd you're good.
Maryanne (kissing Ginger meaningfully on the lips while both women occupy their own bodies): Hey Ginger, see ya top-side, huh?
Ginger (winking as she pats Maryanne's firm tush): Can't wait dolly.
THERE'S GOT TO BE A MORNING AFTER
I love our gals and their closing, arm in arm, beach scenes. This one was particularly delicious. First there's good old Macon, slunking off without thanking Xena for saving his life, bewildered and forever crabby, shuffling along behind his over-sized jock strap (what is it with the XWP boys and their ill-fitting, outer weenie wear?) Xena and gABS watch him go and exchange the ol' familiar "gawd he just doesn't get it, does he" refrain. Love it!
Next there's gABS and her lingering hand on the butt of the warrior princess beach babe. Of course this little move was suspiciously neither long enough, nor detailed enough, so the diligent staff of Two Dinars has taken the liberty to send out an investi gative reporter to suss out the missing components of this scene.
SUBTEXT SCENE SNIPPED FROM TSUNAMI IN JUVENILE ACT OF SABOTAGE
Two Dinars has learned that Jox-spur broke into Ephiny's hut, and stole the locked, fire-proof box where all the sacred, as yet unaired Xena episodes are stored. In a fit of adolescent jealousy Hockster snipped the following scene, which Two Dinars will n ow air for the first time in an exclusive showing. Jox-doofer will have to answer to an angry Amazon tribunal for his misdeed.
Xena: gABby?Xena blushes.
gABS: Yes, hon?
Xena: I love it when you let your hand linger on my butt when we're walking on the beach at the end of an episode after we graciously and heroically make it through yet another life and death close-call thingy.
gABs: My pleasure. It's the up side of being the number one girl to the Lesbian Princess. Plus I love the feel of your leathers when they're wet.
Xena: Yeah, sweet ‘ums?
gABS: I love the somewhat beyond sublime references to you as "tall, dark and handsome" in these post-Bitter Suite episodes. Like tonight with the fortune teller, and a few weeks back in The River Feat, the musical that never was, when Jox-pooper was "re ading" my scrolls.
gABS: A non-subtexter might have stretched it and surmised that those were references to Autolycus and Ulysses, but we gals who are used to dancing in the margins see the big picture, ya know. We can see the fish for the lake.
Xena: Is that kinda like seeing the greater good?
gABS: Yeah, kinda. Xena?
Xena: Yes doll?
gABS (putting her hand back on Xena's butt, and gently resting it there for a comfortably appropriate and prolonged period of time): Like most lesbians, you're most definitely as gorgeous as you are handsome.
Xena (with an air of deflective chivalry): Being a dyke is just the best isn't it?
gABS: Works for me.
gABS: Yes love lump?
Xena: I love Autolycus episodes.
gABS (moving her arm around Xena's waist): Oh for the love of holy Hera, sacred mother, me too. He's easy to look at, he respects our relationship, he's smart, and he acts his age. While we were underwater, he confided in me that he'd like you and I to help him find a nice boyfriend.
Xena: That shouldn't be difficult. There are lots of decent fellows in the Xenaverse.
gABS (smirking): Well I guess Hockster will be spending some mandatory time in the Amazon re-education hut, so he's not an option.
Xena: Is he ever an option?
The camera fades out as gABS giggles and the gals roll in the surf, getting back to the morning's preferred activities.
c. 1998 Pursh
more by Pursh
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My favorite lines were "She just described every day of our lives," from Gabrielle as they were leaving the fortune teller's hut, to the one at the end when Macon asks Xena what she expected from him when she rescued the murderer, and her reply, "From you , nothing. From me, nothing less." Powerful words. I think my heart actually stopped for a moment there.
The scene at the end when Xena finally makes her way to the beach, and Gabrielle embraces her pretty much made the hour worth watching.
Macon? Well, I give Xena credit. I would have killed him in about five minutes. And Petriles? Mark him down as one potential boy toy that didn't even get a second glance from our matured bard. In this episode, it seemed like all the characters were j ust there for the ride. I'm not sure any of them served much of a purpose.
In the "Just What Does That Expression Convey" category, we have the look that Xena flashes the bard while they are attending the ship's captain. Is that pain, confusion, what? I thought that perhaps it might have been something like anguish because Gab rielle is looking to the warrior to get them out of the ship, and Xena has no idea what to do. Is it a look of apology?
Bruce Campbell should go and kick some writer booty. He had some of the worst lines. All through the episode, Autolocys was flat, flat, flat. The only good scene he had was the one where Xena first confronts him as to why he's on the chain gang in the first place. After that...well, I see he's in next week's episode. Let's hope things improve for him.
Nope...didn't like this one too much. As much as I watch X:WP taped eps (while waiting for the week's show, I will probably fast-forward through most of this one until the end.
c. 1998 Used with permission. TZ
more by TZ
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