Hercules and Xena Banner Exchange
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Just as the warrior has buried her past, the little village of Poteidea is overrun by Draco's forces. One adorable and brave young girl offers herself in place of the others. An unarmed Xena kicks butt. The villagers are so thrilled at their rescue, they ask Xena to leave town immediately.
Gabrielle, ah, Gabrielle. A poor peasant who doesn't know why it is that she doesn't fit within the narrow confines of her village, until she sees the enchanting Warrior Princess. "You have to take me with you. I don't belong here." "Don't even think about it." "Think about what?" "Following me." Don't you just wonder if Xena didn't just put that idea into her head.
So she packs her few belongings and heads out after the warrior. Granted, she is no warrior, but she sure has a way with words. She talks the blind cyclops out of eating her, and wrangles a ride with a reluctant traveler. In the meantime, Xena has seen something in that sleepy little village that she likes. Gee I wonder who? She goes to Draco to ask him to spare the village. He agrees, but warns her that she can never go home. She tries anyways. No surprises when neither the villagers nor her mother accept her. But here comes Gabrielle, to save the day.
As things work out, and Xena bests Draco, her mother and the others finally accept that she is trying to change, to make amends for her past. A lovely ending with the two walking off. Xena explaining to Gabrielle that where she goes, there is going to be trouble. "That's what friends are for." "Okay, friend." :-} What a great way to start.
c. 1998 dumblonde
more by dumblonde
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SINS OF THE FUTURE
The first five minutes of this episode protend great things. Moments into it we get a glimpse of the royal Warrior Princess undies, and seconds beyond that we get to watch Xena fight in her bright white skivvies.
Plus gABs starts her epochal adventures with Xena wearing good, sturdy, modified Marsha Brady hair. Not to be left out of the hair festivities, Xena's cranial suture braid favors that of an unkempt, but sporting cave woman. Her hat-like hair crescent works because the cave woman/Brady contrast energizes some inspired pondering on the many potential possibilities for bed roll accomodations between the leather butch and the piping teenager.
Ahhhhh. Let the good times, and the dykes, roll...
SINS OF THE PEST
It's just after midnight when gABrielle turns on the lights as she enters the bedroom that she shares with Lila. She carries a tacky, albeit colorful, plastic suit case of mid-century American design. Lila sits on the floor in her undies sippin' hooch by candle light, which is her usual summertime custom after Hecuba and Homophobe-o-roditus go to bed. gABrielle plops down across from Lila, crosses her legs, leans back against her straw tick bed and motions for her sister to pass the hooch jug. Lila obliges in that way that younger sisters oblige older sisters, and gABrielle commences to fill her earthenware mug with a generous portion of Lila's hooch. After a long swill gABrielle sets her mug on the ground next to her feet.
LILA: gABrielle quit belching. Like, guy, man, you're so gross.
gABrielle takes a second long swig and turns with purposive intent toward her sister as she moves to flick on another set of over-head lights.
gABrielle: Yo, Sis, I got sumthin' on my mind. Sumthin' big.
LILA: gABrielle be quiet, and turn off the wankin' lights. Sheesh! I'm trying to sip this moldy corn hooch on the sneak so Ma and Pa Kettle don't wake up and you blast your blabbin' ass in here all chatty and whippin' on da lights and shit.
gABrielle (as she continues to illuminate the room by reaching up to switch on the lamp above her computer.): Lila this is important.
LILA (looking down and sheilding her eyes from the light): Yea, yea. It's always important with you.
gABrielle: Lila please...
LILA (blocking the light with the back of her hand): Okay, okay. What.
gABrielle: Sis, I gotta bust outa this burg.
Lila drops her hand in surprise and surveys her sister for the first time in the full light.
LILA: Akkk! gABrielle! When did you get that Marsha Brady hair?
gABrielle: Shhhhh! Calm down! I got it today, right after Xena rescued us. Like it? I'm trying to catch her eye, you know.
Lila giggles in that special Lila way.
LILA (as she puts the hooch jug to her lips to take a swig): Like, whoa, are you serious?
gABrielle: Absolutely. I'm going to be a warrior like her.
Lila gags, coughs and spews hooch all over gABrielle's bright red, hard plastic Samsonite suit case.
LILA: With hair like that? A warrior? gABrielle, I can beat you up, and now that you have that Marsha Brady hair I have a reason to.
gABrielle: You're hurting my feelers Sis.
LILA: Sorry. I didn't mean it. It's just that those boing boing side curls look, well, so young and stupid on you.
gABrielle: Oh thanks. I feel all better now.
gABrielle: Lila you know I'm different from every other girl in this town.
LILA: I know you're a homo with Marsha Brady hair, if that's what you mean.
gABrielle: Well, call me whatever you like. I prefer to think of myself as a big ol' 1970's skirt wearin' dyke with a thing for older women in leather. All that being what it is, no matter how you look at it, I don't fit in here.
LILA: Damn straight...errr...uhhhh...sure gABby, whatever you say.
A second curious pause.
LILA: Well, I guess Xena's okay. Though she does seem a bit arrogant, emotionally shut down, spiritually dispossessed, crabby, disconsolate and preplexing. Not to mention that psycho-assed cranial suture braid.
gABrielle: I know! Just my type!
LILA: gABby I don't know. I mean just what is the deal with her calling herself a Princess? That's like ego city, don't ya think?
gABrielle: Look Lila, at least I know what I'm in for with her. Remember my last girlfriend? I didn't find out that she fancied herself a princess until six months and one U-Haul rental later.
LILA: How could I forget. What a mess.
gABrielle: Anyway, I'd rather follow Xena around for the rest of my life trying to figure out how a butch like her got a nickname like "Princess," than stay here and marry what's his face.
LILA: Percolator, gABby. His name is Percolator.
gABrielle: Percolator? Is that his name? Gods! Are you sure? How do you remember insignifcant details like that...
LILA: (as she takes a hearty swig and sloshes it around her mouth making her cheeks puff out before swallowing): He loves you, you know.
gABrielle: Oh poo! Besides, what about me? How am I supposed to marry someone whose name I can't even remember?
gABrielle: I don't love him, Lila. I love Xena.
LILA: But you hardly even know her.
gABrielle: Ahhh, and therein lies the joy. I've got years to sniff around behind her...errrr...I mean follow her around and learn all about her.
LILA: Jesus, you're such a perv!
gABrielle: Quit saying Jesus. Jesus hasn't even been invented yet.
LILA: Sigh. Whaddaya suppose you'll do with Xena? I mean you can't spend the rest of your life tryin' to sniff her.
gABrielle: Do? Why, we'll have big adventrues of course!
LILA: Like what?
gABrielle: I 'own know.
LILA (contempletively as she tips over the hooch jug to catch the last drop on her tounge): Hey I know! Talk to her about maybe stopping the Inquistion before it happens! I hear tell that's gonna be a real boner of a time for us girls.
gABrielle: Hmmmmmm, well maybe. I mean as long as it relates to the greater good Xena would probably be into it. I guess I could talk to her...
LILA: Well start yappin' missy. I'm too young to be tortured and burned alive in the name of a monotheistic saviour cult.
gABrielle: Yea. Okay. I'll talk to her about it.
LILA: Well times a wastin' and women are gonna be a burnin'. Better get movin' Sista.
gABrielle (determined): Yes, I've definetly got to do this Lila.
LILA: gABrielle I'm gonna miss you so much.
gABrielle: Yea but in the long run you'll really appreciate not having burned hair.
LILA: True. Or skin.
LILA (handing gABrielle her square, hard, red, plastic satchel): You and Xena better hurry and hit the road sweetheart.
LILA: And the sooner the better...
gABrielle: Yup. It seems the whole world is watchin'...
LILA: And if they're not, they should be.
c. 1999 Pursh
more by Pursh
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