Chapter Three

INDENT As the sun began to climb over the horizon, the gleam of its rays was magnified by the strangely golden surface of a tour bus, rather rudely awakening the slumbering Ms. Wright, who covered her eyes and slowly made her way off the vehicle, whose engine had given up under the strain at some point during the night.

INDENT Without thinking, she pulled off a small bit of the door handle and put it in her pocket as she walked down the shoulder of the highway, almost bumping into a man in a black trenchcoat that was standing at the side of the road. Miranda could have sworn he hadn't been there a moment earlier.

INDENT "I'm sorry. Excuse me."

INDENT She looked around in confusion as she found herself talking to thin air.

INDENT Merdemus, for his part, was rolling down a hill, screaming frantically to thin air. During the night, he had figured out that he could surround himself in a ball- shaped force field which could be set into motion with relatively little effort, and the field would carry him along with it, so he didn't have to wear himself out walking or levitating.

INDENT This system worked decently on flat surfaces, however when he began rolling down a steep hill, Merdemus realized he had no way of stopping the motion of the field.

INDENT Bounding down the slope, he saw what he now recognized as cars driving across the highway. He began heavily invoking the Seventh Discipline... the art of Immortality, which basically consisted of repeating "I'm not going to die" constantly in the back of ones mind in reverse, preferably in Latin while counting from 1 to 84 in increments of X, X being a mystical number of some kind.

INDENT In any case, Merdemus hit a rock and flew into the air at an angle.

INDENT Miranda had just cleared out the cobwebs when she looked up and saw something which convinced her she had to be dreaming. A man in coarse brown robes was flying through the air, yelling rather loudly, and flailing about as he came crashing down in the grass alongside the road not 10 feet away from her. She ran over to him and touched his robes. Suddenly she felt an intangible sense of relief, as if she had just met an old friend.

INDENT The feeling was vague, but he was real, in any case.

INDENT "Are you OK?" she asked.

INDENT "Art... thou... spinning the Earth?" the man replied.

INDENT "You're just dizzy, that's all." She smiled comfortingly.

INDENT "Oh... good. hold on...". The man seemed to be mumbling to himself.

INDENT Miranda looked around to see if anyone else had noted his rapid descent. The constant flow of traffic on the highway made it clear that no one had.

INDENT She started as the man sat bolt upright and then sprang to his feet as if nothing had happened. "Thank you, madam, for your concern- but I am not injured in the least."

INDENT Miranda frowned. "You came flying out of nowhere and crashed into the ground. You've gotta be hurt somewhere."

INDENT Merdemus laughed. "No, no. I was invoking the Seventh Discipline at the time. A mere fall like that will do me no harm whatsoever."

INDENT "The seventh discipline?" She reasoned he was hurt in the head.

INDENT "Yes."

INDENT "As opposed to?"

INDENT "The other six, dear lady."

INDENT "Right." Miranda stared at Merdemus' robes for a minute. "You're that monk- aren't you? The one who was trying to kill himself by jumping off of the Adams Hotel?"

INDENT Merdemus scowled. "I am not a monk, nor am I a priest. I am-"

INDENT He paused to allow sufficient interest to build. "Merdemus. Lord of the Seven Disciplines, and Master of the Forces Elemental. You are?"

INDENT Miranda smiled and nodded. Here was a crackpot if she had ever met one. She figured it wasn't safe to let him know her real name.

INDENT "Sally. Sally McPhee... Accountant to many, Mother of three." She figured the maternal touch might keep him docile.

INDENT Merdemus lifted an eyebrow and smiled. "Your lie rhymes."

INDENT Miranda blinked. "Excuse me?"

INDENT "Please. If you wish to deceive me, at least have the courtesy to do it right. I have seen small children and chickens who lie with more efficacy."

INDENT Miranda frowned. "Ok. So my name isn't Sally McPhee, and I'm not a mother of three. But you aren't a 'Master of the Forces Elemental', either."

INDENT Merdemus laughed. "What must I do to prove that I am?"

INDENT Miranda looked down. "Burn that twig."

INDENT Merdemus growled. "Have you been talking to Drek?"

INDENT "Who?"

INDENT "Never mind. Burning twigs is... beneath me. I will do something more appropriate for my skill level."

INDENT Miranda laughed. "What? Making a match burn?"

INDENT "Is this acceptable?" Merdemus levitated Miranda three feet off the ground. "I can now do all sort of interesting things."

INDENT He proceeded to flip her upside down, then round and round like a drill bit. When he noticed she was becoming nauseous, he set her right side up and lowered her onto her feet.

INDENT Miranda caught her breath. "Hypnosis."

INDENT "Please. You vastly underestimate my power."

INDENT "Fine... so you're a great hypnotist."

INDENT Merdemus walked away. "Gratz! Attribute this to hypnosis if you can!" He raised his hands, pointed upward and said loudly, "VAS ARTICULUM DORN MAY GWITZEL TRIX BOOM BOOM!" and then pointed to the gold bus which had just begun to inch its way onto the highway, somehow functional again.

INDENT Suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, a solitary black cloud appeared, and two bolts of lightning zagged down onto the bus.

INDENT Gold, being a good conductor, allowed the gigawatts of power to build up as the first BOOM of the spell threw the people out of the bus and the second BOOM exploded it.

INDENT Miranda could not deny the remains of the bus; nor could she deny the single black cloud still hanging in the sky. She watched as Merdemus walked away. She ran over to him and extended her hand.

INDENT "Miranda J. Wright. Vacationer."

INDENT Merdemus smiled. "Convinced, I see. Well, good. Lightning spells have a way of convincing disbelievers."

INDENT "Spells? Are you telling me this is magic?" Miranda was still a bit incredulous.

INDENT Merdemus sighed. "Magic, Science- the only difference between a Mage and a Scientist is that one shrouds his machinations in ritual and mystery, calling it 'magic' while the other does so and calls it 'science'.

INDENT "The fact that Mages can master the elements simply attests to the fact that we have access to forces your science forgot about or chose to ignore centuries ago. Gravity, for instance. I can manipulate it with ease. Scientists are still looking for..."

INDENT He searched for the term Drek had read. "... the graviton."

INDENT Miranda hated to admit it, but Merdemus made sense. "So, what brings you to San Francisco?"

INDENT "I fired my apprentice. I then fell off a mountain. I expected to find the town of Garath, but apparently things have changed a little over the last 1,000 years. So now I am looking for a new apprentice, to whom I will impart my considerable wisdom. Care to help me look?"

INDENT Miranda sighed. Maybe this fellow could throw a thunderbolt at that desk clerk for her if she asked nicely. Yes, that would be the high point of her vacation, she decided- and anyway, she was still armed in case this guy tried anything crazy. The weird thing was, there was a paternalistic air about him that she couldn't quite shake. "Well, let's see if we can't get you a room at the Adams hotel. And... you should really think about changing your wardrobe."

INDENT The watcher snarled as he listened to the conversation. "Another sheep joins the flock. No matter. I have waited forty thousand years for this, Mage.

INDENT "Lemuria fell to me. Atlan' fell to me. Soon, you and this 'modern' world will fall to me as well. Your friends were nothing before, and they will be nothing again." He curled his fist.

INDENT Merdemus groaned in reply to Miranda's fashion critique. "Perhaps later. Right now, shelter would be nice." He concentrated, and pretty soon, both he and Miranda had levitated to the Adams Hotel's lobby.

INDENT After they had walked in, Miranda proceeded to have a discussion with the desk clerk, who had once again over booked her room.

INDENT The Mage watched patiently as the clerk rang up a Mr. Adams, who came into the room scowling.

INDENT "Look, Ms. Wright. We held your room open as long as we- could you excuse me for a moment?"

INDENT Mr. Adams ran over to Merdemus, and the two hurriedly exchanged words, before disappearing out the door into the parking lot.

INDENT Miranda stood in the middle of the lobby, thoroughly confused, until Merdemus walked in with a piece of paper, which he read to everyone present.

INDENT "Mr. Adams regretfully informs all his staff and personnel that he has just sold the Adams Hotel to Mr. Merdemus.

INDENT He knows he shouldn't have done it, that he should have told the Union and the IRS but blast them all because he's got a solid gold car now and none of them do so he's going far, far away to live the life of a pampered millionaire so hard luck and Happy Holidays."

INDENT Merdemus then presented the signed document to the cashier who rang it up with a cheerful smile. He pocketed his receipt and went over to Miranda. "Room 6942 is closed, but 6742 seems to have just opened up." The sounds of thumping in the ceiling could be heard, followed by the slamming of a door, and shortly, the rather awkward descent of a man, his two dogs, a chimp and a polar bear down the stairs.

INDENT Miranda dimly registered the fact that a large polar bear was making its way across the lobby. She took the key Merdemus handed her, and headed up to her room, avoiding a stray penguin that had just realized it was in a hotel lobby- not the North Pole, and had gone criminally insane.

INDENT She had just closed the door and was about to send for her bags when suddenly, she paused. In the back of her mind, there was a brief picture forming- an image of herself, Merdemus, and several others climbing a mountain late at night.

INDENT There was something desperately wrong about it, she felt as she opened her room door and the picture vanished.

INDENT Before she could think on it, Miranda was asleep on her couch, exhausted and glad to finally have a place to stay.

INDENT Merdemus walked up to Mr. Adams' old office. He went inside and reclined in a plush chair that was facing the window. The rest of the office was surprisingly bare, with only a huge mahogany desk and two light fixtures mounted on opposite walls to punctuate it.

INDENT He looked out the window, and saw the vast skyline of San Francisco. He imagined the city, barren of magic, decaying steadily as the forces that had shaped his world into a peaceful place fell away, leaving nothing but disorder in their wake.

INDENT At first, he had sought an apprentice- but now he knew his task was nothing short of preparing a revolution.

INDENT A plan was forming in Merdemus' mind, a plan of vast scope, entailing consequences that would have repercussions all over the planet, the echoes of which would be heard millennia from now. It was all quite simple, really.

INDENT He picked up the phone, and after trying to remember what he had gleaned from Drek's mind, the Mage hit "0".

INDENT "Operator....give me the number for McDrekky's."

INDENT Drek nearly fell out of his chair with amusement as he held the phone up to his ear.

INDENT "Say what? Merde, you're crazy. I'm telling you, this is the stupidest, most moronic, infantile, ill-conceived idea- what? Yeah, sure I'm in! Why the hell not? Look, I know where a few of the others might be. MIGHT. All right... look... gimme a minute. I'll call you back... where are you? Adams hotel... not bad... WHERE?! How'd you bust into the head office? YOU DID WHAT?"

INDENT He dropped the phone and almost had a coronary.

INDENT Merdemus listened to the lack of abrasive noise emanating from the phone for a minute before he put it down, realizing the effect his words had had.

INDENT Drek was one of his best friends and his Arch rival all at the same time. The position was a serious one, entailing much responsibility- the least of which was the obligation to maintain a long-standing round of one- upmanship.

INDENT For 3,000 years, he had done nothing but try to top Merdemus at everything from spell casting to rune swallowing. The game was the sole reason Merdemus had climbed the mountain to learn how to burn twigs- before that, he had spent his time on grander, more awesome spells, and for some reason, Drek had mastered this tiny spell before he had... a patently unacceptable advancement.

INDENT But now, thanks to the greed of a Mister Adams (no one seemed to know his first name), Merdemus realized that he had somehow upset the game- perhaps it had to do with the fact that Drek only owned a national fast food chain and he, Merdemus, had a five-star hotel at his disposal.

INDENT Merdemus started as Miranda walked in the office.

INDENT "Did you never learn to announce yourself before entering a room?"

INDENT "Sorry. Knock Knock."

INDENT "Yes, yes, well... sit down. I have been pondering matters."

INDENT "Sit down on what?" Miranda looked around the office. "There's nothing to sit on in here!" She made as if to sit on the floor.

INDENT Merdemus frowned and with a CRACK! there appeared another chair in the office. Miranda sat in it. "I wanted to ask you how you got Mr. Adams' attention down in the lobby 20 minutes ago."

INDENT "Did you not see the sign that read, "Solid Gold Car for Hotel?"

INDENT "Uhh. no..."

INDENT "Good. I did not intend for you to."

INDENT "Right."

INDENT Merdemus leaned back in his chair. "This hotel will be the first step in my plan to re-introduce the principles of magic to your world."

INDENT Miranda sat bolt upright. "Waitaminute. You can't do that!"

INDENT "And why not?"

INDENT "Our world hasn't had magicians for thousands of years!"

INDENT "MAGES! Not puny, parlor-trick magicians! And that's hundreds, not thousands of years!"

INDENT "Whatever." Miranda shrugged. "The point is, we aren't ready for that- we have science. Science and magic do not mix. They're just like oil and water-"

INDENT Merdemus did not want to hear any more, but as he saw Miranda had no intention of becoming silent anytime soon, he interrupted. "My dear, you have two ears and one mouth. Pray, use them in that proportion."

INDENT Miranda closed her mouth in midsentence and glared at the Mage.

INDENT Merdemus smiled. "Good. Now, I think magic could be reintroduced into society- but gradually. This `science' of yours is a bit too closed to allow for the rapid reintroduction of magic into its realm.

INDENT "That is why I have called my fellow Mage, Fred, to arrange for a meeting of the minds consisting of all the Mages he can locate."

INDENT Miranda laughed. "There's a Mage named Fred? What's next, a sorcerer named Bill?"

INDENT Merdemus frowned. "He calls himself Fred in front of those who do not know him. It is understandable, considering what his real name means."

INDENT "What does it-"

INDENT "What the first part of mine does in the language of the French."

INDENT "Ahh."

INDENT "WAIT!" Merdemus' eyes glazed over as he felt the tug of the Cosmic. "Another Mage is here. In the building. Oh... my."

INDENT "Something bad?"

INDENT "No, not precisely."

INDENT The next second, the door to the office flew off its hinges. In came a large Mage, about 7 foot three, and rotund to say the least. His bright red hair and mustache set off his piercing green eyes.

INDENT Raising his arm, he smiled toothily and spoke, with a heavy Australian accent, "It's me, Max, Keeper O' the Wines! Fermentor of the Gardens! The Mad Magus has returned!"

INDENT Merdemus rose and accepted Max's proffered hand, or rather, watched as Max's iron grip began to crush his own in a "handshake". Yanking it back, Merdemus concentrated, repairing the damage to his fingers as he wheezed out "I see you haven't assimilated into modern society."

INDENT "Assimil-" Max sputtered. "Assimi- I can bloody 'ardly say it, much less do it! But I've been keeping a low profile, e'er since the bleedin' morons began 'untin us down 800 years or so ago. It's been sheer torture confinin' meself to politics, lemme tell ya mate... votes o' no confidence 'fore I even announce me candidacy.

INDENT "Anyways- I've been waitin' for a chance to learn these people me recipe for good 'omemade, brain-killin' absinthe!"

INDENT Merdemus groaned. "I don't think they'd like it."

INDENT Max smiled knowingly. "It's an acquired taste, innit?"

INDENT The watcher of the crystal ball spat on it in disgust, and quickly wiped the spittle off the glowing sphere.

INDENT "No, Maximillian. I cannot allow you to play in my little game of destruction. For one so daft, your power is truly astonishing. I shall have to send my wolf after you."

INDENT He nodded to himself and watched the rest of the conversation.

INDENT Drek walked in, carrying a platinum briefcase. "This is it. Out of the 3 Mages I know that are still around, only Max bothered to answer my call, and C. Gordon Bennett the alchemist's answering machine says that he's walled himself up in a cave somewhere. Of course, Max may have eaten him."

INDENT Max shook his head. "'Nah. Ate a caribou on the way through Canada, though."

INDENT Miranda looked around at the motley crew. A Mage in a monk's robes-another in a hideous green and gold shirt, and yet another who seemed to be either stone drunk or quite mad.

INDENT Suddenly, a bright blue light flooded the room. Miranda covered her eyes and sat down, but the others merely intoned, "Bill".

INDENT The blue light coalesced into a humanoid shape before taking on the appearance and mass of a human.

INDENT Bill had hair not quite as yellow as Miranda's, and he was wearing robes similar to those of Merdemus. His hair was cut similarly to Merdemus' in the Gregorian "monk" style.

INDENT "I TOLD YOU!" he said. "I TOLD YOU that Bill was a good name. A useful name, but NOOOOO. You said 'Oh Bill's a lamer name! I want something cool like Drek, or Merdemus... yeah- you thought you were so cool, eh? LOOK AT YOU! Merdemus can't show his face in France anymore, and Drek is laughed at in literary circles! Max and I are the only two Mages with the sense to use real names!"

INDENT Drek scowled. "Typical. He's resuming an argument from the exact word it left off on a thousand years ago."

INDENT Max sauntered over to Bill and whispered, "I thought Bill was short for Biclaxaltonian."

INDENT Hearing that word, Bill grimaced and whispered back, "No... no. umm. you've got it all wrong... err... that name was slanderous. yes. that's it! Slanderous-- used by those who envied my position and high standing within the community!"

INDENT Merdemus grinned. "You actually believe that, don't you?"

INDENT Bill glared at him. "I don't see any TWIGS burning around here!"

INDENT Merdemus snorted.

INDENT Drek said "I could arrange that." Checking himself, he added "and can we please stop this argument!?"

INDENT Merdemus stomped his feet.

INDENT Max grinned, and slapped Drek on the back, petrifying him. "You... heheh...you mean thesay thot ol' Merde the Magnifkent, Lord of the severed Disciples an' Miser o' the Electives never managed te loight thot twig?"

INDENT He broke down into laughter as Merdemus growled.

INDENT Miranda waited for a lull in the activity. "What was the argument about?"

INDENT "Eh?" Max picked his nose.

INDENT "A thousand years ago..?"

INDENT Bill huffed slightly. "It was about how STUPID their names were compared to the one I had chosen for myself after acquiring Second Order rank. `What kind of name is Bill' they said. `We've never heard anything like it,' they said. `Why not something nice and normal like Cadfael or Beowulf or Ozymandiaearium?'. They just weren't on the cutting edge of nomenclature, that's all."

INDENT "So, what brings you here?" Merdemus spat the words out at Bill. Biclaxaltonian was almost as good a friend to Merdemus as Drek was, but his massive ego clashed more directly with the Mage's, injecting a more adversarial tone to the relationship.

INDENT "I'm on vacation, much like the young lady over there. I have nothing to do. Simply nothing at all. And I figured you might need the assistance of a Mage of my caliber."

INDENT Merdemus groaned. "How long is your title now, Bill?"

INDENT Bill smiled, and puffed himself up. "I am BILL. Bill, Mage of the Second Order- Bill the mighty. Bill the conqueror. Bill, the scourge of the Empire, castigator of Evil, purger of sin, the all-powerful Lord of Five Disciplines, creator of shadow and light, disseminator of the complex, master of the forces Elemental and not so Elemental, and of course, the Burner of Twigs."

INDENT Merdemus thought seriously about vaporizing himself at that moment, but then he had a much more charming idea.

INDENT "Bill." He smiled broadly.

INDENT "What?" Bill looked suspiciously at Merdemus.

INDENT "Bill, Bill, Bill... do you remember Garath?"

INDENT Bill touched his finger to his forehead. "Why, yes- yes I do... is that not where you left to climb the mountain because of the twig incident? Right after both Drek and I burned down that forest to impress the visiting peasants and you were forced to stand around throwing thunderbolts during a storm?"

INDENT Drek grinned at the memory. "Yeah, when nobody in that group believed you were really a Mage?"

INDENT Merdemus suppressed his growl. Any regrets he might have had about his next action fell away. "Bill, do you remember Krek?"

INDENT Bill thought about it. "No. Can't say that I do."

INDENT "Well, he's still alive. I want you to go to the boulder at the center of town and fetch him here as a service to all of us."

INDENT "Why? Why didn't you bring him?"

INDENT "Because only a Mage of your skill and power could ever hope to do such a thing."

INDENT "Ahh. When confronted with your inferiority, you need to call on me. Very well, just so long as you remember who the best is around here."

INDENT Merdemus could hardly contain his laughter. "Right. Of course."

INDENT Bill vanished in a blaze of blue light. All the other Mages in the room broke out laughing, until Miranda said, "What's wrong with Krek?," at which point they fell over and writhed on the floor, still laughing.

INDENT "Laugh, Mages. Laugh. Soon you will laugh no more." The voice that spoke grew hoarse and coughed, and a withered hand tapped the crystal ball on the table in front of it, releasing some greenish energy.

INDENT "The germ of your idea, Merdemus, coupled with this little spell of mine, will turn your plans into something truly spawned from your ego. Something so time- consuming that I will be able to complete my preparations for our final encounter. If you only knew who it was that was to humble you so... who was to destroy the world you so cherish... just as you destroyed mine."