BONKERS! 1999: The Final Season SEVEN DAYS IN THE VALLEY "DAY 2: TOMORROW NEVER ARRIVES" (Special Extended Episode) Characters (C) WALT DISNEY STUDIOS (save of course Captain Eric Skewer, Shi Nogoot, Blinkers E. Badcatt and those that belong to others like WB et al.) Original Story by SUSHIL RUDRANATH FOR PRIVATE USE ONLY, NOT ENDORSED BY DISNEY, DON'T SUE ME, I'M A NICE GUY. (And I stay true to the characters!) DISTRIBUTE FREELY SO LONG AS NO CHANGES ARE MADE AND THIS NOTICE REMAINS INTACT NOTE: This story is set in the sixth(?) season of Bonkers! It, and the five that follow, are closely linked, and mark the arc that will end, at least for me, Bonkers!. This story is a sort of "Commercial Free" episode of Bonkers designed to play off the popularity of the James Bond films. It marks the next ludicrous peel slide sideways in a continuity similar to that of Doctor Who: The New Adventures or Babylon 5. TEASER DO A JAMES-BOND ZOOM THROUGH THE GUN BARREL EFFECT, LEADING TO A BINOCULAR'S EYE VIEW of a tiny speck crawling up a black metal-and glass skyscraper. (Quick James Bond Sting) OVERLAY TITLE: December 26, 1999 DURATION: 3 SECONDS LT. GRATING (v.o.) See him? The FOCUS on the BINOCULARS changes. We now see the SPECK as BONKERS, dressed in a window washer's outfit, scaling the side of the building. MIRANDA (v.o.) Yup. CUT TO a TOP VIEW of BONKERS climbing up the skyscraper. He looks at his watch, an Omega Quartz. A little red light goes off on the dial. CUT BACK to the BINOCULAR VIEW. BONKERS has stopped moving. MIRANDA (v.o.) I think he's found it. GRATING The Bobcat better hurry. I think he's about to have company. The BINOCULARS swing down to show MR. BLACKENBLOO walking into the ground floor of the skyscraper. (James Bond music, please) CUT TO INT. LILITH DuPRAVE'S OFFICES - BONKERS is outside the window, using a laserbeam off his watch to cut open the window. The GLASS silently falls inwards, forming a sort of downward ramp. BONKERS slides down it silently, landing on DuPRAVE'S desk. The room is surprisingly dark. Taking a piece of chewing gum, BONKERS chews it and spits it out, gumming up a survelliance camera. CUT TO INT. ELEVATOR, where MR. BLACKENBLOO is checking his pistol. CUT TO INT. DuPRAVE'S OFFICES. BONKERS dons a pair of sunglasses, tapping them. We see things from his persepective, a 3-D X-Ray of everything in the room. SFX: DING BONKERS does a take! CUT TO MR. BLACKENBLOO, walking out of the Elevator. CUT to BONKERS, seemingly crouched on the floor. ROTATE the shot to show him hanging off the ceiling. BONKERS crawls across the ceiling towards an innocent-looking portion of wall, which in Eyeglass view is highlighted red. He gets to the wall and lowers himself slightly. MR. BLACKENBLOO is opening the far door. Light begins to spill into the darkened office. BONKERS is having no luck with a cigarette-lighter cutting torch. Finally, he takes a Toon mallet and SMASHES the wall, pulling a COVER off of it! BLACKEBLOO hears the noise and throws open the door! He steps in, pointing his gun left, then right, then straight ahead. We see his view as he looks around. He pauses at the glass leaning in from the outside, and looks towards the wall Bonkers was at. Nothing there. CUT TO BONKERS in the wall, using his tail to hold the COVER in place while he copies something from a floppy disk to his watch. The job done, he waits silently. Suddenly, the COVER gets pulled away, and we see BLACKENBLOO'S face peering in the hole! BONKERS lets out a scared cat noise, and BLASTS out of the hole over BLACKENBLOO'S head! BLACKENBLOO turns, but BONKERS has landed on the upper edge of the fallen glass. Before he can move, BONKERS jumps on it, and waves bye-bye. CUT TO BINOCULAR VIEW We see BONKERS and the pane of glass falling out the side of the building. MIRANDA (v.o.) Oh my gosh! CUT TO BONKERS, who has started to SURF the air on top of the glass, using it like a surfboard! BLACKENBLOO is leaning out of the window, getting ready to shoot at BONKERS! BONKERS unzips his window washer's outfit, casting it to the wind, where it flies up and smacks BLACKENBLOO in the face, knocking him back in the building! BONKERS is wearing a fancy tuxedo, and he yanks at his bow tie. A parachute pops out seconds before he SMASHES into the ground! A billion pieces of glass fly everywhere! (End Bond Music) GRATING shrugs. GRATING So much for *covert* operations. MIRANDA runs over to BONKERS, who is in a crater. His hand is sticking out, and on it is his watch. GRATING comes up and grabs the watch. CUT TO A COMPUTER DISPLAY showing a MAP OF THE MIDDLE EAST. DENNIS (v.o.) That's it for sure. Shere Khan's taken the Eraser to the Dead Sea, and he's auctioning it off to the highest bidder. We're just lucky DuPrave got invited. PULL BACK to show BONKERS and MIRANDA standing beside DENNIS. BONKERS Then we've got to get going to the Dead Sea! (to the camera) I wonder why they call it Dead? (gulps) RUN CREDITS - STYLIZED LIKE A BOND FLICK'S OPENING CREDITS, LOTS OF GUNS, TOON ANVILS, BONKERS, MIRANDA and ERASERS ACT I FADE IN to INT. 34th PRECINCT HOLDING CELLS DENNIS is walking past cells in which NEGADUCK, QUACKERJACK and MEGAVOLT are being held. He pauses at an empty cell. Water is pooled around the bottom. He turns to NEGADUCK. DENNIS Where's the prisoner that was in this cell? NEGADUCK grins slyly. NEGADUCK Duh... I dunno... DENNIS scowls and walks over to the GUARD watching over the hallway. DENNIS We've got an escaped prisoner! Tell everyone to comb the building! GUARD What everyone? Today's most everybody's day off! DENNIS Then go tell Lt. Grating! I'll watch these guys and make sure they don't try anything! GUARD Hey, man! Why don't YOU tell him? I'm finishin' up my lunch! DENNIS You think I want to be the one to tell ol' sourpuss another prisoner's escaped? GUARD Ol' Sourpuss? (laughs) Alright, Dennis. But you owe me one. The GUARD leaves. DENNIS morphs into a liquid-colored version of himself, distorting further until he looks like his true self- LIQUIDATOR! He lets out the others. LIQUIDATOR The Word, my friends, is that it's a hip-hop happenin' party nite down in the ol' DEAD SEA! So buy your tickets NOW NOW NOW for Shere Khan's latest Carn-i-val cruise! NEGADUCK rubs his hands together. NEGADUCK Excellent. Wait till I get my hands on that treacherous tree-hugger Bushroot! Let's move! NEGADUCK and the others move off. PAN to the entryway as GRATING and MIRANDA walk into shot. GRATING Where's the duty officer? MIRANDA looks down at the ground, and notices a trail of water on the ground. FOLLOW her gaze as it tracks the liquid to LIQUIDATOR'S old cell, where we see the real DENNIS crumpled over in a corner, unconcious. MIRANDA I think we've got a problem here... BADGE WIPE to CHIEF ERIC SKEWER'S OFFICE SKEWER'S office is now a totally bare room. Only a rug in the center of the room with a bullseye-like pattern on it and the cracks in the walls lend it any character. SKEWER is sitting in the middle of the bullsye pattern, his body in the lotus position. His mirrored shades slip slightly down his nose as BONKERS, MIRANDA and GRATING enter. His eyes remain closed as he speaks, and as always, he speaks in monotone. SKEWER Frank... Bonkers... Miranda. So good of you to come. GRATING Sir, we have something to repor-- SKEWER Yes, the escape of Negaduck and his fellows at the hand of the nefarious Liquidator. All this is known to me. GRATING and MIRANDA look at one another curiously. GRATING Are you EVER gonna tell us how you know all this stuff? SKEWER Does the one handed lotus profess to comprehend the subtle workings of the grasshopper's intestines? No. GRATING is perplexed, and a bit irritated. GRATING What's your point?! (catching himself) Sir? SKEWER There are some questions best left unanswered, young meateater. While it is true I knew much when I was merely your captain, after replacing Mayor Kanifky as Chief, I had to practice the Mind Disciplines of Zen to keep myself from going insane in the job as he had done... GRATING shrugs. GRATING But Mayor Kanifky had been like that ever since he was a rookie! SKEWER No, young meateater. The job of chief cracked him. That shall not happen to me. I am one with all that is in this department. For instance, I can tell you ate a triple garlic sandwich this morning... GRATING That's incredible! How-- SKEWER (Momentarily angry) I JUST *SAID* I'M ONE WITH ALL THINGS! (calms down) Plus, your breath is as rank as the fetid desert wind... GRATING looks over at BONKERS, who has clipped his nose shut with a giant toon clothesclip and is nodding. GRATING clamps his hand over his mouth. SKEWER There will be much danger in the days to follow. Young Bonkers, the key to the fate of your beloved Fawn lies in your hands. You must utilize stealth and secrecy if you are to succeed. Forget the escapees. Their paths and yours are linked. PUSH IN as SKEWER looks right at the camera, saying this deadpan. It is almost as if the universe were a SCRIPT, and it was WRITTEN this way. PULL BACK as SKEWER goes back to zenning. Inflitrate the heart of darkness and there your answer find. Now go... Grating's fetid fumes are slowly killing me--one cell at a time. And Miranda-- MIRANDA Yes? SKEWER Feathers don't tickle people. People tickle people. Then toons do it. MIRANDA Okay... sir... They turn away. SKEWER Young Meateater-- They turn back. SKEWER There's too much irony in your diet. SKEWER hums and turns away. They EXIT. FOLLOW them into the HALLWAY. MIRANDA What does he mean, 'use stealth and secrecy'? And what was that feather line all about? And what 'irony'? GRATING Who knows WHAT that guy's talking about? He's worse than Kanifky! BONKERS spins around in a toon tornado, and when he stops, he's in his spy tuxedo, and sports badly greased hair! BONKERS Isn't it obvious? GRATING Oh no-- BONKERS (overdoing it) From now on, BONKERS speaks with a bad, yet suave, British accent. Name's Bobcat. Bonkers D. Bobcat. Friends call me "Double-O-B". GRATING O-B? For what, O-Brother? BONKERS (ignoring him) I like my fizzies shaken, not disturbed. GRATING slaps his forehead. The sound of sirens can be heard distantly in the background. GRATING I'm getting outta here-- Bobcat's gone Banannas! He walks off. Barely, we can hear him mutter something about crime. MIRANDA starts to slink off, but BONKERS grabs her by the arm! BONKERS Where do you think you're going, fair lady? You're my ravishing assistant! MIRANDA Assistant?! Before MIRANDA can put up a fight, BONKERS has slapped a form-fitting, Bond-Girl type outfit on her! CUT TO EXT. 34th PRECINCT, where BONKERS is dragging her out the front door! BONKERS Come on, Miranda! We've got to tool up! We're going to see V.! MIRANDA V.? CUT TO INT. LUDWIG VON DRAKE'S LAB. BONKERS is looking down at the faded body of FAWN DEER, still lying in a hospital bed. Her arm is almost gone. BONKERS Fear not, dear Fawn. I will save you yet. He turns to Von Drake. What have you got for me, V.? VON DRAKE Pay attention, 00B. VON DRAKE (V.) goes over to a desk. On it are a variety of weird looking gizmos, including a policeman's BADGE and HAT, a tube of TOOTHPASTE and a case of CIGARS. V. picks up the BADGE. V. An ordinary-looking policeman's badge. He presses it twice. A cloud of gas escapes from it! Press it twice, und a doze of knockout gas is gonna shoot outta it like so. The cloud hits V! He passes out for a few minutes, then gets up. He grabs the policeman's hat. V. A remote controlled hat. Da remote'z around here sumvere, don'tchya know... MIRANDA picks up the tube of TOOTHPASTE. MIRANDA What about this? V. Dat's Supah-Dentonite toothpaste-- a plastic explosif. Deze cigars here are-- BONKERS grabs a cigar and lights it. He spits it out, gagging. BONKERS Not real healthy! V. Ezpecially considerin' dey're da detonator for de explosifs! BONKERS does a take! He grabs the TOOTHPASTE and chucks it out the window! A HUGE explosion can be heard outside! A PIZZA DELIVERY BOY can be seen flying off into the distance! V. Don't say it-- BONKERS He's goin' ta flavor country! V. Grow up, 00B. MIRANDA grabs BONKERS! MIRANDA V., send this stuff over to the precinct! We've got to move! V. You got it! But remember... Fawn haz only got three days left! OUTSIDE THE 34th PRECINCT. MIRANDA, still getting used to her outfit, is messing with it when she looks up to see BONKERS dumping BLACK PAINT all over the badly beat up SQUAD CAR! MIRANDA What are you DOING?! BONKERS (totally in Bond Mode) Well, Wanda, I'm disguising our car. The police motif won't go over so well where we're going. MIRANDA crosses her arms. MIRANDA Wanda? Who's Wanda? BONKERS You are, my dear. From now on, your name is Wanda Lollipop. BONKERS breaks character for a second. Isn't it great? Ya get a spy name and everything! MIRANDA shakes her head. MIRANDA Yeah. A spy name. I'm little miss LOLLIPOP, for cryin' out LOUD! BONKERS What?! It worked wonders for Fawn in our famous spy movie, 'Tommorrow Never Arrives!' BONKERS pauses, and for a moment again breaks character. Fawn... MIRANDA looks at him sympathetically for a moment, then yells MIRANDA This ISN'T a movie! This is REAL LIFE! BONKERS is suave again. BONKERS All the world's a stage, and all that. Come on, we've got to get into Shere Khan's meeting! CUT TO A LONG DRIVING SEQUENCE- A WIDE ANGLE SHOT of the black police car driving through the desert. PUSH IN as it pulls up alongside a chain link fence in the middle of nowhere. A GUARD wearing a suit with the Khan Industries' logo on it is standing watch. BONKERS and MIRANDA get out and face the guard. GUARD This is a restricted area. Let me see some ID. BONKERS whips out a card with the letters "FBI" scrawled on it in childlike handwriting. The GUARD shakes his head. BONKERS contorts his face into a bad SHERE KHAN impersonation. No sale. BONKERS morphs himself into a Xenomorph from Aliens! He rams his hand into his stomach, and it comes out of his mouth like the alien head! Opening his palm, a small flower extends forth, squirting out water. The GUARD is singularly unimpressed. Finally, snapping back to his Bond-outfit, BONKERS looks expectantly at MIRANDA, nodding at the guard. Nothing happens. He NODS at her more strongly. She SHRUGS. The GUARD clears his throat. BONKERS pulls MIRANDA aside. They whisper to each other. BONKERS Well, go on! MIRANDA What?! What do you want? BONKERS Use your feminine wiles on the guard! MIRANDA does a take, and glares at BONKERS! MIRANDA You want me to WHAT?! BONKERS You're not my lovely assistant for nothing! MIRANDA stalks over to the guard. MIRANDA (sotto) You want feminine wiles, Bonkers? MIRANDA punches out the guard! You got feminine wiles. BONKERS shrugs. BONKERS Not what I had in mind, but-- BONKERS slips into the compound. MIRANDA stays behind, guarding the guard. He starts to move a bit, and she whacks him on the head, making him still again. Her expression is one of total annoyedness. CUT TO INT. SECRET LAB BONKERS is flattened against a wall, quite literally. He SLIDES across it on flat little tippytoes, coming up behind an unsuspecting researcher, a Rabbit in glasses. He GRABS HIM, and jabs two fingers behind his back like a gun! BONKERS (whispering) Where's yer office?! The RABBIT points nervously to a room. BONKERS drags him there. They get inside, and BONKERS flips on the light. RABBIT (nervously) Who are you, and what do you want? Why are you here? BONKERS shakes his head. BONKERS Look, we're not on Babylon 5 here! I need answers from you, and I need 'em now! RABBIT Why should I help you, a poorly dressed James Bond impersonator in a cheap suit? BONKERS is a bit puzzled. He has no answer. He fidgets a bit and stammers out BONKERS Because I'm a highly trained spy, an elite killing machine capable of snapping your back like a toothpick? The RABBIT shakes his head. BONKERS looks around, and spots an autographed POSTER of FAWN DEER. BONKERS You like Fawn Deer? RABBIT Oh yes-- I'm her biggest fan! The RABBIT runs over to a desk and pulls out a whole TON of Fawn Deer stuff, including some movie stills of her with Bonkers. The RABBIT does a TAKE and recognizes BONKERS for who he really is. RABBIT Oh my-- Bonkers D. Bobcat! BONKERS grins, and light glints off his teeth. BONKERS (normal voice) Look. Shere Khan's got his hands on the only thing that can save Fawn's life. I know he's goin' to some kinda meeting in the Dead Sea, but I need a way in there! Fawn only has three days left ta live- you've GOTTA help me! The RABBIT buries his head in his hands. RABBIT Oh no! This is all MY fault! I'm the one who made the arrangements for Shere Khan to get to the Dead Sea! I didn't know he had Fawn's life in his hands, or I wouldn'tve helped him! BONKERS tries to calm him down. BONKERS You didn't know-- RABBIT You don't understand! I made the security arrangements too! Nobody can get in there without the right passcodes and ID Cards! Not even me! BONKERS Do you have extras? RABBIT No! If Shere Khan ever caught me making extras, he'd have me--- The RABBIT makes a hand-across-throat gesture. BONKERS Does anyone else have them? RABBIT Only two people have them who haven't made it to the island. One of them even resembles you a bit. BONKERS sighs in relief. BONKERS Awesome possum! Who? RABBIT Two people in Japan. They're scheduled to board a flight for the Dead Sea in four hours' time. Once they get on that plane, Shere Khan's men will have sighted them and you won't have any chance of assuming their identities. Their information is on this disk. He hands BONKERS a disk, but the bobcat looks crushed. BONKERS There's no WAY I can get there in time! The RABBIT frowns. RABBIT Yes there is. The Concorde X19 suborbital plane is in LAX for a test flight. It can make it to Japan in just under two hours. You can take the X19 to Japan, catch them before they board the plane and take their place. ALARM SIRENS go off all over the compound! BONKERS But first, I gotta get outta here! THE RABBIT grabs BONKERS! RABBIT WAIT! If they see you running out of here, they'll know I told you something! BONKERS looks hurriedly at the door and back at the RABBIT. BONKERS Just tell them I used hypnotism or psychobabbleology on ya or somethin'! RABBIT NO! If they even *think* I've told you anything-- He repeats the throat-cutting gesture. BONKERS nods, and pulls out a sinister-looking GUN! BONKERS Then I'm afraid they'll have to think you committed the ultimate sacrifice rather than betray Shere Khan. The RABBIT backs off, HORRIFED! You hear a HORRIFIC SCREAM OF MORTAL TERROR! BONKERS rushes out of the office, and past armed guards, who are running after him! Two of them rush into the office, grabbing the stunned, limp body of the RABBIT, which is covered in some kind of purple goop! A PIE PLATE clatters to the ground in front of the RABBIT! One of the GUARDS takes a fingertip's worth of the PIE and tastes it. His eyes widen in FEAR! GUARD 1 (over the top soliloquy) Raspberry Pineapple! My god... he committed the ultimate sacrifice rather than betray Shere Khan! Get this man to a detox center now! We still might be able to wash the taste out of his mouth! What kind of a monster are we dealing with, here? God! Raspberry Pineapple! It VIOLATES the GENEVA CONVENTION! (to the other GUARDS, who are applauding his soliloquy) STOP AT NOTHING! GET THE INTRUDER! THAT MONSTER DESERVES TO DIE! BONKERS, who's gotten quite far, runs past several research areas, and finally stops in one where some men are filming a fake MARS PATHFINDER sequence! As the GUARDS approach, BONKERS leaps on the MARS PATHFINDER and RIDES it out of the compound! SCIENTISTS in Khan Industries outfits are running after him, holding NASA cameras! SCIENTIST 1 Stop! Halt! SCIENTIST 2 looks at SCIENTIST 1 in horror. SCIENTIST 2 Hey! You're standing on the Martian landscape! SCIENTIST 1 Are we LIVE?! SCIENTIST 2 Nods. SCIENTIST 1 (improvising badly) Eek. Arrk. Ook. I am a Martian. Yes, I am. That is why I am appearing on this LIVE video feed from MARS. The Bobcat you saw was also Martian. Ook Arrk Eek. That is all. SCIENTIST 2 slaps his head, muttering "the conspiracy's dead." CUT TO the exterior FENCE, where MIRANDA is surrounded by armed guards! BONKERS crashes through the GUARDS with the PATHFINDER and GRABS MIRANDA! CUT TO LOS ANGELES AIRPORT, where BONKERS and MIRANDA ride in, still on the PATHFINDER. The X19 is already TAKING OFF! MIRANDA We're too late! BONKERS rips off his watch, and pulls a cord out from its band! He ties the cord to his wrist and HURLS the watch at the X-19! It attaches to the plane, pulling BONKERS forwards! MIRANDA grabs onto him and she gets pulled up as well! BONKERS It's got a magnetic personality... just like me! BONKERS does the grin-plus-light-glinting-off-teeth-thing again. BONKERS crawls along the side of the plane, using his CLAWS to hold onto the metal siding. He gets to a door, and knocks on it. MIRANDA is clinging onto his leg for dear life. CUT TO INT. X-19. A STEWARDESS opens the door, and BONKERS and MIRANDA step in. Miranda is smoothing her dress and hair, and BONKERS is beaming as the other passengers in the plane look at them curiously. BONKERS (back in Bond Mode) Bobcat. Bonkers D. Bobcat. He kisses the STEWARDESS' hand. This is my assistant, Wanda Lollipop. The STEWARDESS glares at MIRANDA. BONKERS Don't worry. She's flying coach. The STWEARDESS and BONKERS walk off to the front of the plane, leaving MIRANDA standing in the aisle. She looks up in frustration. MIRANDA (sotto) It's almost enough to make you WISH for a cliffhanger just so you could wipe that GRIN off his face. CUT TO THE X-19 LANDING IN JAPAN WIDE angle shot. BONKERS steps off the plane, surrounded by DOZENS of drooling women. MIRANDA trails behind, fending off a geeky flight attendant in an usher's outfit. FOUR SHORT, SHADOWY FIGURES are flitting all over the TARMAC. They FREEZE in MID-AIR for a moment, watching MIRANDA and BONKERS walking. The pause reveals them to be none other than BACH, BRAHMS, BEETHOVEN and RINGO--THE NINJA KITTIES!!! FADE TO BLACK END OF ACT I ACT II FADE IN to show THE NINJA KITTIES observing BONKERS and MIRANDA being observed on a MONITOR SCREEN. A JAPANESE, FEMALE VOICE can be heard. VOICE Odd, my pet. See how that one resembles you. Could it be? Has HE returned? PAN DOWN AND LEFT to show a HAND stroking a large, orange TOON SIAMESE CAT. It looks like an Anime green-shirt BONKERS drawn with sharp angles everywhere, wickedly long, sharp claws, and many pointed teeth. CAT (hissing) O mossst noooble one, Youuuuuu are corrrrrect... PAN UP to the face of SHI NOGOOT. She looks like an anime MIRANDA with her hair done up in a simple ponytail. She wears a red kimono with a green dragon on the front. SHI NOGOOT Are you sure, my pet? CAT Bonkerrrsss... he returnssss... SHI NOGOOT leans forward, looking closely at the screen. Her suspicions are confirmed as we see a close-up shot of BONKERS' face. It matches a shot on a nearby monitor taken from the episode "Tokyo Bonkers". SHI NOGOOT NO! What is that good-for-nothing American fuzzball doing here?! IT TOOK ME AGES to break the Japanese people of their insane obsession with that--that poorly animated excuse for a Bobcat! Now YOU are the cat they love... Blinkers E. Badcatt! BLINKERS looks up at NOGOOT and hisses gleefully. He uses his sharp claws to RIP through a nearby brick! NOGOOT I have built a media EMPIRE around you, my dear... and I will not allow HIM to take it away! We must STOP him from reclaiming his place in Japanese society! My Anime Empire must continue! BLINKERS purrs. BLINKERS But the meeeeeeeeeeting... NOGOOT We will dispose of this annoyance well before we must leave for Shere Khan's auction. BLINKERS Weeeeeeee have but an hour... Weeee could easily go to theeeee meeeeeeting and have Bonkerrrrrrrssssss Killllllled tomorrrrrrrrowww... NOGOOT The Ninja Kitties will need no more than five minutes. NOGOOT picks up a telephone, and holds it to her ear. Beethoven! Tell your men to make sure that for Bonkers, tomorrow NEVER arrives! (beat) Yes, Beethoven, that means kill him... CUT TO EXT AIRPORT. MIRANDA is trying to hail a taxicab. BONKERS spies one of the NINJA KITTIES, disguised as a limo driver, holding up a card that says "Bonkers" on it. BONKERS Look, Wanda! There's our ride! He starts towards the car. MIRANDA Bonkers, I don't know about this... BONKERS What's not to know? There's a car with my name on it! MIRANDA But Bonkers, nobody knows that we're supposed to be here! Who sent the car? BONKERS Relax! The spy always gets the cool car-- that's how it is in every spy movie! MIRANDA You really don't have a firm grasp on this reality thing, do you, Bonkers? BONKERS walks up to the car. The NINJA KITTY has an AXE behind his back! As BONKERS moves to get in the backseat, the KITTY gets ready to strike! He swings the axe, but misses BONKERS, who has scurried out the other side of the backseat and made his way around to the drivers' side again! BONKERS Nice try-- The NINJA KITTY looks at him worriedly. BONKERS grabs the ignition key from his hand! BONKERS --But I'm driving the car. Super spies always drive the car. The NINJA kitty crams into the back seat of the car with MIRANDA, who is too tall to sit comfortably in front. MIRANDA gets a good look at the kitty, and is about to say something, but he CLAMPS his hand over her mouth! Her eyes widen as he brings the AXE near her neck! PUSH in on BONKERS' face. BONKERS' teeth are gritted in a sadistic grin. All he can see is the road ahead of him. He's going psycho for some reason... BONKERS (sotto) I've always wanted to do this... BONKERS SLAMS on the accelerator! The CAR SURGES forward! The NINJA KITTY is PASTED FLAT in the back seat! MIRANDA is knocked breathless! AERIAL SHOT. We see the CAR ducking and weaving through Japanese traffic at Warp Speed! CUT TO a deserted stretch of highway. Two gangs, the CLOWNS and a bunch of PUNK KIDS, are racing their Anime-to-the-max bikes, swinging CHAINS at each other, and trying to knock each other off their seats! One of the CLOWNS is taking aim at a kid on a red bike! CLOWN Now, Tetsuo, you die... BONKERS' car comes ROARING between the groups, knocking EVERYONE off their bikes! As it speeds past, we see one of the kids levitate up in the distance, wrecking everything in the vicinity with his newfound telekinetic powers... TWO of the NINJA KITTIES are standing in the middle of the road, setting up a fearsome looking cannon! As they start to aim it, BONKERS' car HITS them, and they dragged along on the side view mirrors! BONKERS still hasn't noticed anything's amiss. MIRANDA is in a crash position, and the first NINJA KITTY is almost liquid goo pressing against the seat. Looking up, we see RINGO on a hanglider! RINGO jumps off, LANDING on the roof of the car! PRYING open the SUNROOF, he SLASHES at BONKERS! BONKERS finally notices the problem. Pulling a BRICK out of his pocket, he DROPS it on the Accelerator! He JUMPS UP out of the sunroof, his TAIL steering the car! RINGO whips out a fearsome ball of razor-sharp titanium string, and twists it into a garrotte, advancing towards Bonkers! BONKERS whips out a giant pair of TOON SCISSORS and cuts the string! RINGO pulls out a KATANA! BONKERS hurls a SAUSAGE at it, which gets split in two! BONKERS That's sharp! Back in the DRIVER's SEAT, BONKERS' TAIL notices something, and DOES A TAKE, releasing the wheel! MIRANDA sees it too, and SCREAMS! WIDE ANGLE SHOT of the CAR FLYING OFF a portion of incomplete highway, twisting in the air, and preparing to DIVE STRAIGHT DOWN! MIRANDA kicks open one of the car doors! GRABBING the almost liquified NINJA KITTY, she takes its PAW and uses its CLAW to rip off two seatbelts! She then SHAPES the kitty into a cloth-like form, and TIES the SEATBELTS onto its ends, making a PARACHUTE and HARNESS! DONNING the PARACHUTE, she jumps out of the CAR just as it SMASHES into the roof of a building, throwing up a HUGE ANIME FIREBALL, which she descends straight into! CUT TO a SMOKE-FILLED room. FOLLOW MIRANDA as she DESCENDS through the smoke. When she touches down, the SMOKE parts to reveal three NINJA KITTIES surrounding her and BONKERS, weapons drawn! The SMASHED HULK of the car can be seen behind them, having landed in some kind of control room. SHI NOGOOT walks into the scene, petting BLINKERS. SHI NOGOOT Ahh, Officer Wright. So good of you to come. Now I suppose I will have to kill you. MIRANDA is JERKED backwards as the NINJA KITTY she was using for a chute gets loose and TIES her UP with the seatbelt harness! MIRANDA I guess it wouldn't make a difference if I told you my name was Wanda Lollipop, would it? CUT TO INT. MOVIE LOT MIRANDA and BONKERS are being led at knifepoint through SHI NOGOOT's film studio, where various Anime movies are being filmed, like "Macross Plus Plus", "Harmageddon II", "Gunbuster MCMXXLVII" and "Akira II-The Secret Shame". Posters of BLINKERS are everywhere. There are scenes of him giving candy to babies, smelling flowers, petting squirrels and ripping the intestines out of vampires. SHI NOGOOT looks over it all with pride. SHI NOGOOT When I found Blinkers, he was a misfit... a singing spokesman for a car light manufacturing firm. I took him from being that puny excuse for a feline, gave him some claws-- BLINKERS decapitates a toon that wanders in front of him. --and made him into the greatest anime superstar of all time. Now WE rule Japan, not you, Bonkers! BONKERS What're you talkin' about? My fanbase here is as big as ever! A little girl comes up to BONKERS. Everyone stops and tries to act innocent as she pets him. She takes a good, close look at him. KID Wait! You not Blinkers! The KID steps HARD on BONKERS' foot! He yelps! BONKERS Stop! I'm BONKERS! Don't you remember me? KID Yes! BONKERS grins. KID You old news. Washed up hack. Retire, geriatric toon! BLINKERS rules Japan now! The KID smacks him and walks off. BONKERS hangs his head in shame. SHI NOGOOT Yes, the six years of massive subliminal advertising, free toy giveaways, personalized assassinations and bribery have allowed Blinkers to take the position as Top Cat in this town. Nothing will be allowed to change this. MIRANDA We don't care about changing it! SHI NOGOOT looks at her curiously. MIRANDA notes this and keeps talking. We're not here to get into the cartoon business! BONKERS looks at her confusedly. BONKERS We're not? MIRANDA (sighs) The mission, remember?! SHI NOGOOT Then why ARE the two of you here? MIRANDA We're here to... (beat while she thinks) Buy up any "Hello Bonkers" merchandise that might be left in Japan so that we can rebuild the Bonkers museum that was destroyed in Hollywood five years ago. BONKERS looks at MIRANDA curiously. BONKERS You mean we're not here to replace our lookalikes, who just happen to be our captors and get on board the plane going to Shere Khan's secret hideout? SHI NOGOOT and BLINKERS look at one another for a second while MIRANDA hangs her head in desperation. They then KNOCK our heroes onto the ground, spreadeagling them and tying their hands and feet to STAKES embedded in ASTROTURF! SHI NOGOOT Blinkers... BLINKERS looks at NOGOOT expectantly. Use War-mower! KILL THEM! BLINKERS looks disappointed. BLINKERS But I wanted to shred them myssselllf.... SHI NOGOOT shakes her head. SHI NOGOOT There is no time! We must get to the plane! As NOGOOT and BLINKERS head off, BLINKERS turns around for a moment, throwing a huge ANIME SWITCH barely visible on the edge of the screen. A large, rumbling, LAWNMOWER sound can be heard! BLINKERS then turns around and walks away. MIRANDA cranes her neck up, and can barely see a HUGE ANIME LAWNMOWER with a decidedly nasty look rumbling their way! Some toons in front of the lawnmower are sucked under it, and their bits go flying out to the side!!! WIDE ANGLE as we see the MOWER ROARING towards our heroes! MIRANDA turns her head to face BONKERS, who is whistling to himself calmly. MIRANDA Bonkers, we have to get outta these ropes! BONKERS keeps whistling. The MOWER is getting closer! MIRANDA is struggling with her ropes, but to no avail! (James Bond sting) BONKERS sits straight up, sleeves hanging limp. His arms, which are still tied to the stakes, are nothing more than toon props! Popping out his real arms, BONKERS looks at his watch, and taps a few buttons. A LASER BEAM lashes out and hits the lawnmower! It keeps coming! MIRANDA That didn't work! BONKERS Oh, yes it did! The LASER BEAM hits a SILVER ANIME BLIMP in the sky, and comes flying back down, STRIKING an ANIME CAR in the side view mirror! The BEAM bounces off the mirror and hits another ANIME CAR in the side, igniting its GAS TANK! The CAR EXPLODES just as the LAWNMOWER passes by it! The LAWNMOWER appears in the midst of the ANIME FLAMES, knocked on its rear wheels so that its huge cutting BLADES are coming straight at BONKERS and MIRANDA! The LASER BEAM bounces off the BLADES and reflects towards our heroes, SEVERING their ropes! As BONKERS and MIRANDA get up, we see that the MOWER's BLADE is causing a VACUUM, SUCKING objects into it, and SHREDDING them! A CAR gets taken out! MIRANDA (yelling over the noise) What now?! BONKERS is looking around confusedly. Soon, however, he sees something useful! BONKERS C'mon! (some more James bond stings) BONKERS runs over to a souped-up ANIME MOTORCYCLE! He leaps on the back, and so does MIRANDA! They take off, followed by the LAWNMOWER! AERIAL SHOT of the bike speeding away followed by the MOWER, which is leaving a swath of destruction in its wake. FRONT SHOT OF BONKERS riding the BIKE! RACK FADE to the MOWER, which is surrounded by explosions! RACK FADE back to BONKERS. MIRANDA leans into the shot from behind him. MIRANDA How are we supposed to stop this thing? MAINTAIN THE SHOT as BONKERS passes by people and toons at lightning speed. BONKERS has caught up with someone, who is also fleeing the lawnmower, but in an ANIME ICE-CREAM CART. It's... BONKERS Hiya, Jitters! JITTERS Oh no... not again! BONKERS is reading the side of the ICE CREAM CART intently. HIDEOUS SCREAMS of TERROR can be heard behind him as people and objects are SHREDDED by the lawnmower! Gradually we are leaving SHI NOGOOT's studio and entering DOWNTOWN TOKYO! CUT TO A NEWS REPORT... SHIRLEY WRIGHT is reporting alongside a Japanese man for CNN Worldwide. They are watching footage of the giant LAWNMOWER chasing a small motorcycle. JAPANESE MAN In his most heroic moment yet, Blinkers E. Badcatt is facing down a monster lawnmower, which those in the press are beginning to call Gadzooka, that threatens to destroy Japan! SHIRLEY WRIGHT Can we get a closeup of Blinkers? The SHOT behind them grows in size. We can clearly make out BONKERS. MIRANDA is obscured a bit. SHIRLEY WRIGHT Wait! I recognize that Bobcat! It's not Blinkers! That's... that's Bonkers D. Bobcat! Sounds of mass confusion can be heard in the newsroom. JAPANESE MAN We thought Bonkers was dead! SHIRLEY WRIGHT Whatever gave you that idea? JAPANESE MAN All we have heard in last six years was Nogoot Media reports that Bonkers had expired due to a huge pixie-stix overdose! SHIRLEY WRIGHT Don't believe *everything* you hear on the news! SHIRLEY takes a look into the camera. Except for what you see here, of course! Cries of 'BONKERS is a HERO!' can be heard throughout the news studio, along with 'DEATH to BLINKERS!' CUT BACK TO BONKERS, who is still reading the side of the cart. BONKERS I think I know what the problem is! MIRANDA What? BONKERS This is all written in Japanese! MIRANDA slaps her head. MIRANDA Ask Jitters to translate! The LAWNMOWER has taken out a passenger bus in the background. BONKERS Jitters! JITTERS What? BONKERS I'm going to ask you a really, really, REALLY super-important question, I mean a life-or death kinda thing! JITTERS What?! BONKERS You sell peppermint bubble gum surprise? JITTERS (to audience) That's it. We're dead. BONKERS GRABS an ice cream cone from the CART! SUCKING up the ICE CREAM into his mouth, he isolates the bubble gum and places it aside! Repeat about 1000 times. Finally, BONKERS swallows the ice cream, RAMS the bubble gum bits into his mouth, and begins to chew! CUT TO THE FUEL GAUGE ON THE BIKE -- It's reading almost Empty. The engine flutters, and stalls! BONKERS, MIRANDA and the BIKE go flying towards the LAWNMOWER! JITTERS ESCAPES! (JITTERS ESCAPES?!) (Moby remix of James Bond music, please) In MID AIR, BONKERS and MIRANDA are floating alongside the BIKE, whirling around in a vortex! BONKERS places a huge WAD of chewed bubble gum in his hand and hurls it at the LAWNMOWER! As they rush towards the BLADES, the GUM gets there first, GUMMING UP the works! The blades slow to a stop! BONKERS grabs one of the slow moving blades, and GRABS MIRANDA before she slams into the MOWER! (Cut Bond Music. A few seconds of mushy muzak) MIRANDA and BONKERS are face-to-face for an instant as he holds her close. BONKERS raises an eyebrow, looks MIRANDA in the eye, then BELCHES LOUDLY! (End mushy muzak) As MIRANDA turns away in utter disgust, he uses some of the bubble gum hanging off the mower blade to make a rope, hurling it at JITTERS' rapidly escaping ICE CREAM CART! It latches on, and our heroes are yanked off the MOWER, which is standing in the middle of Downtown Tokyo with cops surrounding it! As the Police OPEN FIRE on it, we CUT TO JITTERS I can't believe I got out of there without anything going-- BONKERS and MIRANDA CRASH on TOP of him! --wrong... BONKERS To the airport, Jitters! and step on it! BONKERS and MIRANDA make it to the airport just in time to see SHI NOGOOT and BLINKERS getting into a LEAR JET with the Shere Khan logo on the side. BONKERS C'mon! We can still get to that plane! MIRANDA No way! They're halfway across the tarmac from us! BONKERS grins. BONKERS Just hang onto my neck! MIRANDA puts her arms around BONKERS' neck. BONKERS produces a wickedly sharp toon pin. Its point glints in the light. MIRANDA Bonkers... wait! BONKERS stabs himself in the rear with the pin! With a YELP, he BLASTS towards the plane in an ORANGE BLUR, carrying MIRANDA with him! They WHIZ up the gangway, and INTO the CLOSING DOOR of the plane! The PLANE lifts off the runway! CUT TO INT. PLANE MIRANDA and BONKERS are standing in the middle of the passenger area, which is dimly lit. Only the light from the windows illuminates the plane. SHI NOGOOT emerges from the darkness, and BLINKERS is at her side. SHI NOGOOT The news media are already calling you a hero, Bonkers. BONKERS grins stupidly. You have done quite a lot to damage the credibility of my news media empire. MIRANDA looks at her angrily. MIRANDA What credibility? All you told the people was lies! SHI NOGOOT The only difference between a lie and the truth, my dear, is how the words are packaged. She snaps her fingers. BLINKERS advances. You could be the most honest person in the world, but if you looked untrustworthy, no one would believe you. On the other hand... BLINKERS' long claws glint in the dim light. No one would doubt me if I said Blinkers here was going to cut your heart out with his claws and show it to you. There should be enough time left for you to see it stop beating before you die. BLINKERS leaps for MIRANDA! FADE OUT END OF ACT II ACT III FADE IN MIRANDA steps out of the way, and BLINKERS rams into BONKERS! SHI NOGOOT gets up, and assumes a FIGHTING STANCE! MIRANDA does the SAME! BONKERS and BLINKERS roll into the COCKPIT! BLINKERS gets up first, brandishing his claws! (The plane is on autopilot) BONKERS Oh yeah? Watch this! BONKERS sticks out his own claws, which are more like sharp fingernails in comparison! BLINKERS slashes like lightning, leaving an arcade-game like trail as his claws move, and we see BONKERS' claws fall to the ground! BONKERS gulps. BLINKERS I have waaaaaaaited for thissss moment a long timmmmmmmme, bobcaaaaat! CUT BACK to the PASSENGER AREA. SHI NOGOOT is winning easily, having thrown MIRANDA into the rear of the plane! SHI NOGOOT Your police-academy training is no match for my Evil Fist of the Drunken Schoolboy Clan Shaolin martial arts! CUT BACK to the cockpit. BONKERS HURLS a PIE at BLINKERS! An ANIME GUN comes out of BLINKERS' shoulder and incinerates it! BONKERS That's pretty nifty! BLINKERS We Japaneeeeeeese tooooons are well arrrrrrrrrmed, unlike youuuuuu pathetic, American toooooons made for the amuuuuuuuuuusement of chiiiildren! BONKERS snaps his fingers, and an ANVIL CRASHES atop BLINKERS, crushing him! a silent, white-light ANIME explosion disintegrates the ANVIL and BLINKERS is back up! BONKERS backs up towards the plane's instrument panel! CUT TO PASSENGER COMPARTMENT MIRANDA is sprawled over some seats, luggage all over her. SHI NOGOOT is advancing slowly. SHI NOGOOT Face it-- we are two sides of the same coin, you and I. You cannot defeat that which is so much like yourself. MIRANDA (weakly) Funny-- you don't seem to be having much trouble. SHI NOGOOT I have been trained from birth to be a killer. You have been trained to save lives. That is our difference-- and your fatal flaw. A HUGE BANG! comes from behind them! BONKERS flies into the middle aisle, charred and smoking! BONKERS (weakly) Is the no smoking sign still lit? He gets up slowly, dropping a charred toon feather. BLINKERS (from the cockpit) Did you really think your feather was a match for my powered battle armor!? SHI NOGOOT picks up BONKERS and HURLS him back into the COCKPIT! Wheeling around, she whips out a KATANA and points it at MIRANDA! SHI NOGOOT And now, this ends. How apt that you should die here, now that we are over the Dead Sea. MIRANDA looks around rapidly. Her glance falls upon the charred toon feather. reaching out quickly, she GRABS IT! It quivers under its own power, pulling MIRANDA UP! The Feather begins fencing with SHI NOGOOT! It disarms her, and begins mercilessly TICKLING HER! BONKERS comes flying back out of the cockpit, on fire! SHI NOGOOT is starting to become accustomed to the tickling! As MIRANDA tries to keep her under, BONKERS shakes his head. BONKERS No, no, no, Wanda! That's not how you tickle someone! MIRANDA has an idea. MIRANDA Bonkers! You handle my problem, I'll handle yours! Deal? BONKERS GRABS the feather and begins to send SHI NOGOOT into a massive giggle fit! MIRANDA grabs an emergency floatation device from under one of the plane's seats, and makes for the cockpit. CUT TO INT. COCKPIT - It looks like the aftermath of a warzone. Toon props are strewn everywhere, and most are on fire. BLINKERS' back is to MIRANDA as she enters. He is breathing heavily, and when she gets behind him, he spins around, ANIME WEAPONS portruding from every part of his body! BLINKERS So, he hassss sent hissss partner to try and defeeeeeat me... Noooo matter! Myyy weaponssss-- MIRANDA SHOVES the flotation device in BLINKERS' mouth and pulls the 'inflate' cord! BLINKERS BLOATS to five times his normal size! MIRANDA pulls off one of BLINKERS' gloves, which has CLAWS on it... she then STABS the floatation device with it! Like a burst balloon, BLINKERS begins to bounce around the cockpit-- then he SMASHES out the front window! Decompression! A chair tries to fly out the window but smashes the plane's controls instead! MIRANDA quickly gets out of the cockpit and slams the door shut. The whole plane tilts. SHI NOGOOT is passed out on the floor. MIRANDA begins dragging her to the rear of the plane. MIRANDA Bonkers, this plane's gonna crash any minute now! You figure out a way outta here that doesn't involve us getting killed! She tosses him BLINKERS' glove. Keep that! BONKERS shudders as he catches it, but puts it in a pocket. BONKERS What're you doin', Wanda? MIRANDA Wardrobe change! MIRANDA drags SHI NOGOOT out of sight. BONKERS grabs a DRINKS CART and STRAPS several PARACHUTES as well as some floatation devices onto it! He rolls it to one of the exits and waits. SHI NOGOOT comes out of the rear cabin, with MIRANDA draped over her shoulder! SHI NOGOOT You! Bobcat! Either you help me escape this plane or your friend dies here! BONKERS has no time to argue. He points to the cart. BONKERS Get on, you fiendish-- fiend! SHI NOGOOT gets on the cart, draping MIRANDA over the back. BONKERS straps them both on, and gets on the front of the cart, using one foot to OPEN the exit door! Air pressure SUCKS them out of the cabin! (Bond Sting) EXT. SHOT -- We see the PLANE spiral away from our heroes, CRASHING into the sea and EXPLODING! On the drinks cart, multiple PARACHUTES open, and so do the floatation devices! Our heroes splash down safely! SHI NOGOOT One question, Bobcat... BONKERS What? SHI NOGOOT Do I do a good 'Nogoot' or what? BONKERS blinks. SHI NOGOOT is actually MIRANDA! BONKERS points at MIRANDA, and then the passed out NOGOOT. He does this for a while. BONKERS You mean you're her and she's you? Or are you you and her her? Or is she her and you her? Or am I us and we-- MIRANDA shakes her head. MIRANDA Forget it, partner. Just remember to wear that glove and try to look like Blinkers when we get to Shere Khan's hideout. BONKERS looks at the unconcious NOGOOT. BONKERS What do we do with her? MIRANDA Oh, I have a pretty good idea. MIRANDA detaches one of the floation devices, dumps a few DRINKS and AIRLINE PEANUT packages from the CART into it, and places NOGOOT there too. She then SHOVES it off! The sun starts to set. BONKERS What if nobody finds her? MIRANDA They'll find her when they hear that the plane's crashed. BONKERS But aren't we supposed to be on the plane? MIRANDA We got off it when spies got on board. We fought them off but the plane got taken out as a result. BONKERS But aren't we the spies? MIRANDA They won't know that, remember? BONKERS They won't? MIRANDA Not unless we tell them. BONKERS (whispers) We're... not gonna tell them, right? MIRANDA sighs. MIRANDA Right. BONKERS (out of Bond mode for a second) But what if nobody goes lookin' for her cuz we were supposed ta be on tha plane an' since we showed up and everything then maybe the plane didn't really crash or if it did who cares about dead spies, right? MIRANDA slaps her head. MIRANDA Look, Bonkers-- when this is ALL OVER we'll send out a search party ourselves, OKAY? BONKERS That's simply not good enough, Wanda! We're going to have to tell the first people we meet-- MIRANDA Who would be Shere Khan's people-- BONKERS Exactly. We're going to have to tell Shere Khan's people that we're the spies who took out one of their planes and left Media Baroness Shi Nogoot to float aimlessly on the Dead Sea-- WIDE SHOT-- BONKERS, MIRANDA and the CART are tiny silhouettes on a giant setting sun. MIRANDA (yelling, distant) BONKERS! SHUT UP! FADE TO BLACK END OF ACT III ACT IV FADE IN We see the DRINKS CART washed up on the shore of a sandy beach. Two pairs of footprints, one human and the other bobcat, are leading from the cart towards an OASIS of vegetation in the distance. OVERLAY TITLE: December 27th, 1999 - 6:45 A.M. CUT TO a massive DAM, the base of which is a massive INSTALLATION with the Khan Industries' logo emblazoned on it. BONKERS and MIRANDA are just two specks atop the DAM. ZOOM IN on them. BONKERS I have to say, Wanda-- I have no idea how we can get down this Dam. MIRANDA Neither do I. BONKERS is pacing back and forth. He pulls a BANANA out of his pocket and eats it, casually tossing away the peel. MIRANDA What if we made a-- She does a take! BONKERS! LOOK OUT FOR THAT-- BONKERS trips on the peel! He starts to go over the side of the dam! MIRANDA grabs his tail, but gets pulled over as well! BONKERS manages to reach up and grab the top of the dam with his hands! BONKERS Being a bobcat has its advantages! BONKERS tries to extend his claws, but only stubs come out! BONKERS Well, to put it bluntly, I'm not as sharp as I used to be. BONKERS SLIPS! Both he and MIRANDA are in freefall! BONKERS pulls out BLINKERS' glove from his pocket, and dons it! He slashes at the DAM, gaining a firm hold! MIRANDA continues dropping, using his tail like a bungee cord! She lands safely! BONKERS' new claws are a bit too sharp, however-- they start cutting through the concrete like butter! The DAM is rupturing! MIRANDA BONKERS! LET GO! BONKERS complies, and a stream of water BLASTS him down to the ground! Bedraggled, he and MIRANDA walk over to a guard post. BONKERS does his best to look like BLINKERS. GUARD ID cards, please. BONKERS looks at MIRANDA, who fishes around in her pockets and finds one. The GUARD processes it. Welcome, Ms. Nogoot. He looks at BONKERS, who waves his clawed hand menacingly. BONKERS Blinkersss... neeeedsss noooo IIIIIIDeee carrd... worthlesssss Americaaaan! The GUARD looks at BONKERS for a moment. GUARD Nice to see you again, Blinkers-son. BONKERS nods. GUARD Frogs fly in Winter. BONKERS and MIRANDA eye each other curiously. GUARD Frogs fly in Winter... BONKERS And? GUARD That's not the correct passcode, sir. BONKERS I can't hellllp it iffff yoooou got iiiiiiit wrong, youuuu worthlessss Americaaan! GUARD I'm going to have to call this in-- BONKERS walks up to the guard, now looking like Bond. BONKERS Look here-- He holds out a badge. I'm secret agent 00B, and this is my lovely assistant-- MIRANDA SLAMS her foot on BONKERS' paw! --erm, *co-adventurer* Wanda Lollipop, and we're on a secret mission for the Hollywood Police Department. My ID... BONKERS presses the badge and grins. Nothing happens. With a nervous look in his eye, but still grinning, he presses it repeatedly, and green GAS shoots out, knocking out the guard! MIRANDA Sean Connery you are *not*. BONKERS My methods are eccentric, but effective. Grin-plus-teeth-glinting-in-light-thing-AGAIN. MIRANDA scowls. MIRANDA Look-- just get back into your Blinkers disguise, okay? There's no telling who Shere Khan invited to this little get-together. CUT TO INT. MEETING CHAMBER The MEETING CHAMBER is a huge room with massive bay windows going around its circumference. Various guests are milling about, and a PODIUM stands unused in the center of the room with the Khan Industries logo on it. BONKERS and MIRANDA are just entering the shot, taking in the scene. MIRANDA Take a look at this rogue's gallery. PAN ACROSS the room as we see FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, NORTON NIMNULL, MAGICA DeSPELL, LILLITH DuPRAVE, FLAPS, FAT CAT and gang, MA BEAGLE and some BOYS, AL VERMIN and co, MR. BLACKENBLOO, DON KARNAGE, STEELBEAK and sundry other miscellaneous villains, such as (a badly overweight in the body but with a tiny head) MAMMOTH MAMMOTH. There's hardly anyone here who we *haven't* busted over the years. BONKERS is already jauntily heading towards MAMMOTH MAMMOTH when MIRANDA GRABS HIM! MIRANDA (whispering) BONKERS! Stay away from the criminals! Let's just try to be inconspicuous until we see who wins the auction, and then we'll nab the winner! We can't take on all these guys at once! BONKERS nods, but keeps trying to get to MAMMOTH MAMMOTH. MIRANDA What is your problem?! BONKERS Somethin's really wrong with ol' Mammy, Wanda... BONKERS is right. MAMMOTH MAMMOTH is talking to himself in different voices, and his massive lower half is walking in one direction while his tiny upper half is going elsewhere. MIRANDA Say, you're right, Bon...err, Blinkers! That elephant is a most silly toon! MIRANDA now sounds exactly like SHI NOGOOT. BONKERS looks away from MAMMOTH MAMMOTH, only to see LILLITH DUPRAVE coming towards him! BONKERS Yessss... heee issss-- what a worthlessss Americaaaan. DUPRAVE is looking at BONKERS closely. BONKERS looks right at her and yells YOU TOO ARE WORTHLESSSSS AMERICAAAAN! He uses his clawed hand to mercilessly shred a glass being carried by a passing waiter. DUPRAVE looks away, unconcerned. MIRANDA (whispering) Bonkers, I don't think Blinkers ended every sentence he ever said with 'worthless American'. BONKERS (whispering) Quiet, worthless American. FLAPS comes close to BONKERS. FLAPS Hey... don't I know you from somewhere? AL VERMIN comes in from the other direction. AL VERMIN Yess... he does seem rather familiar... BONKERS is beginning to sweat! Luckily, a GONG RINGS, and the crooks move off! MIRANDA points to a seating area in front of the PODIUM. MIRANDA C'mon, partner. Let's take a seat. BONKERS Where are we gonna take it? MIRANDA shoves him into a chair just as SHERE KHAN walks up to the podium. Two generic GUARDS walk up beside him. One produces a TABLE, which he sets next to the podium, and the other places a cloth covered BOX on top of the table. BUSHROOT comes up alongside SHERE KHAN. SHERE KHAN Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the ultimate anti-toon weapon, formerly held by Negaduck and the Syndicate. BUSHROOT pulls the cloth off the box, revealing a clear case, inside of which is the small piece of remaining ERASER! BUSHROOT This Eraser is capable of permanently rubbing out any toon it touches. MA BEAGLE stands up. MA BEAGLE Oh yeah? What about Darkwing Duck? A loud murmur goes through the audience. BUSHROOT We, uhhh... believe that his cape was coated with a special anti-eraser formula that kept him alive... uhh, yeah. STEELBEAK gets up. STEELBEAK Well, what F.O.W.L. wants to know is, if Darkwing Dork can get his hands on a defense, what makes this an *ultimate* weapon then, huh? MA BEAGLE Right on, Steely! The crowd mumurs louder. BUSHROOT leans over to SHERE KHAN. BUSHROOT I told you this hogwash about Darkwing having protection would backfire on us. SHERE KHAN Do you have an explanation as to how Darkwing Duck continues to live even after getting hit full-on with the eraser? BUSHROOT No, sir-- SHERE KHAN Then this will have to do. SHERE KHAN turns to the crowd. SHERE KHAN It does not matter if one toon has a defense. The amount of damage you can do in a short span of time is sufficent reason enough to purchase the Eraser. Look at what Negaduck did to Two-tone town. Someone in the crowd yells out "What Two-tone town?" Everyone laughs except for BONKERS and MIRANDA. SHERE KHAN Darkwing cannot protect everyone, and he cannot predict who you will attack next. LILLITH DuPRAVE gets up. LILLITH DuPRAVE What about the rumours that the Eraser is getting smaller each time it gets used? SHERE KHAN The rumours are true-- The crowd begins to fidget. Yells of "ripoff!" can be heard. --but they are unimportant. BUSHROOT holds up a computer disk. SHERE KHAN Here you see the only extant copy of a formula for LIQUID ERASER, yours when you buy the product. The ultimate weapon can be yours! NORTON NIMNULL rises. NORTON NIMNULL I heard rumors that the last batch of Liquid Eraser was quite unstable-- I heard that it actually EXPLODED! SHERE KHAN That rumour is patently false. MAGICA DeSPELL gets up. MAGICA DeSPELL Ve Vant a Demonstrahashun! The crowd roars. SHERE KHAN Very well. Guards? KHAN snaps his fingers, and grabs the disk from BUSHROOT's hand! The GUARDS open the case, grab BUSHROOT, and drag him towards the ERASER! BUSHROOT No! Wait! I'm the only one who knows the formula! SHERE KHAN Precisely. Your death would make the disk all the more valuable. Besides, you are also the only one who could concievably formulate a defense, or antidote-- and if you betrayed Negaduck, who is to say you wouldn't betray me as well? The crowd ROARS! BONKERS looks frantically at MIRANDA! BONKERS Miranda, if he gets rid of Bushroot, we'll lose our best shot at saving Fawn! MIRANDA I know, partner, but what can we do? If we blow our cover now, we'll never make it out of here alive! BONKERS gets up out of his seat, but is shoved back inside it by FLAPS, who yells "stop blockin' my view!" BONKERS is pinned by FLAPS' trunk! The GUARDS are about to press BUSHROOT into the ERASER! MIRANDA leaps up, but FLAPS grabs for her too, causing her ponytail to become undone! Her hair falls back into something close to its normal look, and LILLITH DUPRAVE notices! DUPRAVE The POLICE! It's a RAID! The CROWD leaps up, but an EXPLOSION from the other side of the room disorients them! NEGADUCK, LIQUIDATOR, MEGAVOLT and QUACKERJACK appear out of its smoke! NEGADUCK BUSHROOT! BUSHROOT looks up, but a GUARD PUSHES his head onto the ERASER! SHERE KHAN and the other GUARD stealthily exit, but without the ERASER, as BUSHROOT is still draped beside it! NEGADUCK SYNDICATE! Take out the competition-- permanently! Scenes like MEGAVOLT zapping STEELBEAK and LIQUIDATOR drenching MAGICA DeSPELL are played out numerous times. MAMMOTH MAMMOTH is bumbling his way through the various battles without getting hurt. NEGADUCK is running for the ERASER, but FLAPS grabs it with a gloved hand and bounds away! BONKERS and MIRANDA are lost in the confusion! NEGADUCK Forget the others! Stop that pathetic pachyderm! NEGADUCK goes over to the limp body of BUSHROOT. He turns it over, gasps, shudders, and drops it. BUSHROOT is HEADLESS!!! The SYNDICATE members RUSH FLAPS from all directions! The pachyderm drops! One hand sticks out of the tangle of bodies, holding up the ERASER! As NEGADUCK goes for it, a BLUR swoops down and grabs it! BONKERS points to the door! FAT CAT has the ERASER! He and his gang get out of the room, followed by MAMMOTH MAMMOTH and FLAPS! BONKERS and MIRANDA move to follow, but the CRIMINALS have them surrounded! NEGADUCK stalks up to them. BONKERS is back in his Bond outfit. NEGADUCK You two troublemakers have been thorns in my side for too long! Now, it's over! Any last requests?! BONKERS is brushing his teeth. He grins, and does the super-light-glinting thing A G A I N. BONKERS I would like to smoke my last cigar. NEGADUCK and the others look at each other curiously as BONKERS lights up. In CHORUS, they ask "Don't you know that smoking's bad for you?" INSIDE SHOT of BONKERS' MOUTH. The CIGAR has triggered the DENTONITE explosive on BONKERS' TEETH! EXT. SHOT - BONKERS. Wisps of smoke come out of his ears. BONKERS opens his mouth and BELCHES an EXPLOSION! All the CRIMINALS are knocked back, and out! BONKERS Yeah-- but it was worse for you! DARKWING DUCK appears out of nowhere! BONKERS Darkwing Duck! DARKWING nods, but says nothing. His eyes glow a little brighter red. He points to the door. BONKERS The ERASER! C'mon, Miranda! DARKWING tosses MIRANDA a gun! MIRANDA nods at DARKWING, and follows BONKERS! She looks at the gun. MIRANDA Hey! This is my service pistol! How did he... As they leave, a criminal comes up behind DARKWING! DW lifts up a fist and knocks him out! NEGADUCK gets up, but sees DARKWING and begins to jibber. NEGADUCK You! AGAIN! Howhatwhowhat ARE YOU?! This is IMPOSSIBLE! NEGADUCK crawls into a corner and curls into a small ball, sobbing. DARKWING goes over to the limp BUSHROOT and drapes him over his shoulder, vanishing in a puff of PURPLE SMOKE just as FBI officers storm the area and arrest all the CRIMINALS! BONKERS and MIRANDA are on the other side of the island, in the shadow of a VOLCANO. MIRANDA I don't get it-- there aren't any volcanoes in this part of the world. BONKERS points to a giant KHAN INDUSTRIES ENTERTAINMENT logo on the side of the volcano. MIRANDA Look! MIRANDA is pointing to FLAPS, who is just a speck on the side of the volcano. Behind him we can barely see MAMMOTH MAMMOTH. MIRANDA They must both be following Fat Cat! BONKERS But we'll never get to them in time! MIRANDA What do you mean? It's a Volcano-- they're not going anywhere! BONKERS points to the SHERE KHAN logo, and then down, to a sign which reads: "FANTASY ISLE TOURIST VOLCANO-- NEXT ERUPTION IN 5 MINUTES" As we watch, the "5" turns into a "4". Dramatic music. FADE TO BLACK END OF ACT IV ACT V FADE IN BONKERS runs back towards the conference area. BONKERS I've got an idea! CUT TO the side of the volcano. FAT CAT has made it to the top of the volcano, and behind him is the caldera. FLAPS is also coming up on him, as well as a badly out-of-whack MAMMOTH MAMMOTH. MAPPS and WART join FAT CAT. MAPPS Umm, boss... we've got some bad news. FAT CAT You *did* get the getaway vehicle, right? MAPPS Well, yeah boss, but-- FAT CAT But *what*? MAPPS It ain't there no more. FAT CAT What do you mean, 'It ain't there no more'? WART You see, umm... well-- the lava melted it. As FAT CAT is taking this in, FLAPS climbs onto the rim. FLAPS Gimmie the Eraser, you two-bit tabby! FAT CAT holds up the ERASER, wrapped in a handkerchief! He dangles it over the caldera! FAT CAT One more step, and it's bye-bye Eraser! FAT CAT looks behind FLAPS. MAMMOTH MAMMOTH, with his head on backwards, stumbles onto the rim. FAT CAT The same goes for you, you-- whatever you are! MAMMOTH MAMMOTH mumbles out, in a deep, muffled voice "blur shawl thunder ma rest!". FAT CAT and FLAPS look at each other. FAT CAT / FLAPS What? MAMMOTH mumbles deeply "o smother! wallamart, blue threw it!" he them mumbles in a light voice "shoe rotit, ducky! blur shawl thunder ma rest!" MAMMOTH punches himself in the head! The head rotates around! We hear: FALLAPART RABBIT Dwah... yer all under arrest! FAT CAT grins slyly. We see the THUNDERQUACK come up behind him, with BONKERS on the front beak! FAT CAT For what? You haven't got any evidence! FAT CAT drops the handkerchief with the Eraser into the caldera! FLAPS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... Slow motion. Show BONKERS' feet sprouting claws and latching into the surface of the Thunderquack. The THUNDERQUACK angles down, and rushes into the caldera! We see DARKWING and MIRANDA inside the cockpit. PUSH IN on BONKERS' face distorting with the wind pressure. BONKERS reaches out a hand, grabbing the handkerchief! The Eraser tumbles out of it, going further into the caldera! PUSH IN as BONKERS' handkerchief-covered hand gets agonizingly close to the ERASER! He's almost got it! A BLAST of LAVA shoots up and CONSUMES the ERASER just as he touches it! The THUNDERQUACK PULLS UP! Normal speed. The THUNDERQUACK BLASTS out of the VOLCANO just as it ERUPTS! FLAPS, FAT CAT, WART, MAPPS and MAMMOTH MAMMOTH are all hanging onto its forward section! FADE OUT FADE IN We see LUCKY PIQUEL and FALLAPART RABBIT next to a deflated MAMMOTH MAMMOTH suit talking to MIRANDA. BONKERS is sitting by himself next to the THUNDERQUACK. LUCKY That's why we kept bumbling around-- ol' Fallapart here kept steppin' in my eyes! FALLAPART I was just trying to find my nose! Sheesh! MIRANDA So, what'll you do now that the Eraser's been destroyed and the Data Disk Bushroot made has vanished along with Shere Khan? BONKERS is wandering closer to the group. LUCKY We'll just have to go after the Pen, I guess. BONKERS Pen? What Pen? COPS are escorting FLAPS and NEGADUCK away seperately in the background. We see them both eavesdropping. The THUNDERQUACK takes off. LUCKY Well, the FBI knew the Eraser was part of a set of animation tools made by Tex Avery-- a set that also included a Pen which could not only fix any of the damage done by the Eraser, but also make whole new toons! BONKERS perks up! BONKERS That could cure Fawn! LUCKY I guess so, buddy. That's one of the reasons Fallapart and I are goin' after it just as soon as we get these criminals back to Hollywood. BONKERS But there's no time! Fawn's only got two days left! Miranda and I can go after the Pen! MIRANDA nods. LUCKY That's a big negative, little buddy. Fallapart and I are the only two who know enough about the Pen to even have a chance at finding it in time. In the background, FLAPS has broken free! NEGADUCK slaps him on the back, but FLAPS ignores him and runs off! MIRANDA Why don't WE take the criminals back to Hollywood and let you guys get on the case right now? LUCKY Sounds like a plan to me! BONKERS (whispering) Hang on, Fawn... CUT TO FAWN, who is still in a hospital bed, fading fast... OVERLAY TITLE: BONKERS WILL RETURN IN "CRUEL WORLD" END OF PART 2 To Be Continued...