BONKERS!: The NEW Adventures "Bonkers goes Bonkers" Characters (C) WALT DISNEY STUDIOS (save of course Captain Eric Skewer and those that belong to others like WB et al.) Original Story by SUSHIL RUDRANATH FOR PRIVATE USE ONLY, NOT ENDORSED BY DISNEY, DON'T SUE ME, I'M A NICE GUY. (And I stay true to the characters!) DISTRIBUTE FREELY SO LONG AS NO CHANGES ARE MADE AND THIS NOTICE REMAINS INTACT NOTE: This story starts a month after the last, "Imp-Possible Journey", and it marks the next stumble backwards in a continuity similar to that of Doctor Who: The New Adventures. TEASER
FADE TO CAPT. SKEWER, in the READY ROOM, standing behind his podium. (Quickly vanishing in the bottom of the screen: " L.A.P.D. 34th Precinct Captain Eric Skewer Roll Call") The READY ROOM is packed today. COPS cameramen are everywhere in the aisles. SKEWER is reading off names for roll call. SKEWER Bobcat.... BONKERS waves hysterically as the camera zooms in on him. Dennis... DENNIS quickly shoves a candy bar into his pocket. Grating... GRATING smiles ingratiatingly at the camera, then turns away from it. Stark... STARK doesn't seem to notice he is on camera, until it begins to move off, when he desperately tries to get back on until DENNIS shoves him. Wright... MIRANDA smiles at the camera and gets back to writing something down. SKEWER puts his paper away and makes sure the camera is on him before going on. SKEWER Alright, everyone. First of all, you're supposed to be IGNORING the cameras. Hi Mom. Today we've got the third annual Cartoon Expo going on downtown, and security's going to have to be tight. As you all know, thanks to Bonkers and his squashed house, Wackytoons Studio was bought out by a CRIMINAL. BONKERS looks at the cameras, which have all swung on him, and shrugs. SKEWER So, since the criminal in question is now officially no longer in existence, the studio will be sold off to the highest bidder. McDuck Industries and Khan Industries are said to be in a fierce bidding war for the rights to the studio and its lucrative Disney TV animation contracts. There have also been rumours that Flaps the Elephant has resurfaced, with a new business partner. If this is true, I want that pachyderm off the street before the convention. Dismissed. FADE TO BONKERS OPENER ACT ONE FADE IN CAPTAIN SKEWER is sitting at his desk, talking at the camera. SKEWER Why do I want to get promoted or transferred out of here? Forget the commendation- I'm a 26 year veteran, and I'll never forget the events that took place today- let me assure you! SKEWER adjusts his sunglasses, calming down. I've seen many, many strange things in my time, but what Bonkers did today topped them all. Could I call it "police work"? I'm not even sure of that. I suppose the events of the morning hours before the Expo should have prepared me... but they didn't. SKEWER leans forward. What could've? CUT TO the inside of MIRANDA'S SQUAD CAR, where the camera is JIGGLING wildly as MIRANDA is struggling to pull Bonkers off the cameraman. All we can see is Bonker's hair and ears in the shot, with Miranda tugging him and the small title in the corner: "Police Parking Garage, 7:45 AM" MIRANDA BONKERS! Get OFF the CAMERA! Move it! BONKERS is pulled back, grinning at the camera. "Officer Bonkers D. Bobcat" appears on the screen as he is forced into his seat. CUT TO BONKERS sitting in his car seat, duct-taped to the chair. The title in the bottom of the screen reads "Routine Patrol, 7:55 AM". BONKERS Hiiiii. BONKERS grins widely. What's it like being the first and only toon cop in the LAPD? Well, lemme tell ya- it's exciting! The best job in da world! Fighting bad guys, stopping criminals, eliminating botulism! WAVY FADE. The camera is now at an angle. The title reads "Routine Patrol 8:30 AM". The snoring of the cameraman is audible. BONKERS is still yakking. He stops as the radio turns on. CB RADIO Code 3! MIRANDA picks up the radio. MIRANDA Got it! We're on our way! The SIRENS turn on. The title reads "Officer Miranda Wright". MIRANDA It looks like we've got a car thief on our hands. Some joker apparently stole a Lamborghini and can't drive a stick shift. He was last seen tearing down an access road screaming "How do I get it out of third gear?" MIRANDA blinks and looks closer at the windshield. I see it! BONKERS perks up. He pulls out a bullhorn and yells "PULL OVER!" into MIRANDA'S ear! The SQUAD CAR swerves dangerously! MIRANDA Bonkers, do that outside the window! BONKERS Of course. How silly of me! BONKERS climbs out of the window and is standing on the roof of the car. The camera is looking up at his feet. It switches to a distant far off shot which zooms in on BONKERS' back as he is yelling at the Lamborghini. CUT TO a calm driving scene, with MIRANDA in the focus of the shot, and a bandaged ear of BONKERS' occassionally entering the shot from the back seat area. MIRANDA I've been a cop on the beat for about three years now, and I've seen a lot of wierd things, especially in Toontown and especially when it comes to Bonkers. But today, he outdid even himself. CUT BACK to the far shot of BONKERS on the roof of the squad car. The Lamborghini is swerving dangerously in and out of traffic. It almost comes to a halt, and the squad car stops! BONKERS flies onto the roof of the Lamborghini, which is speeding up again! A Helicopter camera is zooming in on Bonkers. BONKERS leans down to look at the driver, and sees PINKY. BONKERS YOU stole the car? PINKY Point. Though there seems to be a unexpected probolem. BONKERS Where's the Brain? PINKY Thot's just it, see. He innt 'ere. NARF! And witout tha Brain, Oym downroight brain-less! Haha! brain less. Do you get it? Brain less? BONKERS Look. All ya haveta do is pull that gearstick there... yeah... no! TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH! A broken GEARSTICK can be seen flying out the drivers side window of the Lamborghini! It hits the road and flys up, smashing into the squad car's windshield! MIRANDA turns the steering wheel hard, and the car goes off the road! Inside the Lamborghini, PINKY is reclined in the driver's seat, humming. An ANVIL has been used to hold down the accelerator, and BONKERS cannot budge it. An OFFICE BUILDING is coming into view directly ahead. BONKERS I've gotta stop this car! BONKERS is looking around frantically. He spies the SHOTGUN on the dash and pulls it out. He then removes the shell. CUT TO MIRANDA and a COPS cameraman off the road. MIRANDA What's he doing now? The camera zooms in on a black and white feed from a cameravan. PINKY appears in the shot, jumping up and down. PINKY Boingy! Boingy! Zort! PAN DOWN to show PINKY shoving BONKERS into the shotgun by jumping on him. BONKERS' tail is tied to the steering wheel. BONKERS Eef! Oof! Arrf! (pained) I'm glad I know a Chiropractor! BONKERS is in the Gun. PINKY sticks part of it out of the window. PINKY Now 'ow does this ting work again? CUT TO MIRANDA, who pulls out her walkie-talkie. MIRANDA Listen! Pull the trigger! CUT TO PINKY. PINKY Pull the trigger. Rite. PINKY proceeds to stick his finger in his ear. PINKY It's just not working! Drat it all! He kicks the trigger, the gun fires! BONKERS is sent flying out of the Lamborghini! He grabs onto a LAMPPOST, stretched to the max. The Lamppost begins to LEAN forward. The Lamborghini steering wheel jerks to the right, and the car swings back towards BONKERS! BONKERS looks around frantically and grabs a PIGEON, which tries to fly off, lifting him up instead to the COPS helicopter. The camera shows two toon hands grabbing onto the struts. The shot changes to show BONKERS dragging the Lamborghini into the air, and the COPS helicopter begins to dip dangerously. In the Lamborghini, BONKERS tail comes off the steering wheel, and the car drops. The COPS helicopter jerks up, and BONKERS is flung upwards. CUT TO SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE at a HYUNDAI dealership. A CUSTOMER is eyeing a bland Hyundai in the center of the dealership. PETE is the salesman. CUSTOMER I don't know... this one looks so.. so... ordinary. PETE We can put a pinstripe on it... At that moment, the LAMBORGHINI CRASHES through the ceiling and onto the Hyundai! CUSTOMER I like it! I'll take it! The LAMBORGHINI begins to speed off as PINKY stumbles out of it. PETE Heh... that'll be a quarter of a million extra... HEY! GET THAT CAR BACK HERE! BONKERS comes crashing through the hole in the ceiling, and onto PETE, who stumbles around blindly until he rams into a biker. BONKERS looks at the guy next to his Harley. BONKERS I'll take that! Official Police Business! BONKERS runs out in a biker's jacket and borrows a skateboard from a passing kid. He snatches a chihauhua and hitches it to the skateboard. BONKERS Follow that Lamorghini! The dog begins to attack BONKERS. He staggers back into a construction zone, where he bumps into an iron support beam. In front of him, a DEVELOPER is giving a speech. DEVELOPER ...and this 109 story office building skeleton is already be the most solid, quakeproof structure in all of Los Angeles. In the background, BONKERS is still fighting the dog as he bumps into support after support from right to left, knocking them down. The structure collapses sideways! The DEVELOPER runs off! The LAMBORGHINI is bearing down on a woman with a baby carriage! She pauses in fear as the car approaches! From far behind we can see the skeleton of the building falling towards her like a tidal wave! The LAMORGHINI is crushed to a standstill by the building frame inches away from the woman, who calmly continues crossing as if nothing happened. BONKERS is seen running in front of the camera, still being attacked by the dog. CUT TO EXT. GRATING's PATROL CAR. CUT TO INT, where SGT. GRATING is driving. MIRANDA is in the seat next to him, and BONKERS is recovering in the rear, Chihauhua still hanging onto one ear. The title in the corner of the screen reads first "En Route to Convention Hall, 8:30 AM" and then "Sergeant Francis Grating." GRATING I don't have a comment about what Bonkers did today because I don't know what he did. I don't wanna know. Not that I have anything against Bonkers- it's just that we're heading to a major, important convention here and I don't wanna waste my time worrying about some stupid toon- GRATING catches himself. Can we start this thing over? Anyway, I don't think Bonkers'll mess up at this convention... too badly. He's really, uhh... improved over the years. CUT TO SKEWER at his desk. SKEWER Well, looking back? I- I just don't think anyone could have been ready for just what Officer Bobcat had in store for us at the Toon Convention. I don't think even if we had known, we would have been ready. It was just too unbelievable. FADE OUT END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO FADE IN to the HOLLYWOOD CONVENTION CENTER. TOONS of all kinds from various studios and eras are walking about. There is a huge BANQUET on the right side of the convention hall, the most prominent feature of which is a HUGE Ice cream CAKE, and above it there is a BANNER reading "Food courtesy of the Rubber Room". On the left side, a PING PONG tournament is taking place. Above, TINKERBELL is flitting around, randomly dropping ANVILS on unsuspecting toons. The Camera briefly stops on a confused scene where the new "Mickey" is standing in front of the equally flabbergasted "Steamboat Willie" Mickey. In the far center, an AUCTION is setting up. The title in the corner reads: "Hollywood Convention Center Cartoon Expo '95 8:59 AM" DENNIS is talking into the camera as it picks up some conversation behind him in the auction area. DENNIS Before Bonkers showed up, I was the closest thing we had to a cartoon expert. Anime' to CGI rendering, you name it. Of course, it was an unofficial kinda thing... I wasn't supposed to be watching TV all day- DENNIS is distracted by a ruckus behind him. SCROOGE McDUCK and GLADSTONE GANDER are arguing. SCROOGE is trying to shove GLADSTONE into a seat. SCROOGE Now c'mon nephew! Just sit next te me fer the duration o' this wee auction, and then ye can go look at whatever ya like! GLADSTONE But Uncle Scrooge, I don't WANT to be in this auction. Remember the LAST time I was in an auction with you? You became... a spendthrift! SCROOGE Ne'er say that word, lad! Just sit. I want some of yer good luck te rub off on me. SCROOGE ties GLADSTONE to his chair. GLADSTONE Fine, fine, I'll sit. SHERE KHAN and his entourage walk in. They pause briefly next to SCROOGE. KHAN Well, well, Mr. McDuck. Not confident enough in your company's finances? SCROOGE There's a wee difference between confidence and overconfidence, Mr. Khan. KHAN We shall see. We shall see. KHAN walks off. The auction area is filled up. A camera happens to catch BONKERS gabbing with DARKWING DUCK. JIM CUMMINGS can be seen in the background behind them, mouthing what they say with exaggerated facial expressions. BONKERS And then there was "The Good, The Bad, and the Bonkers, High Noon for Bonkers, Big Boss Bonkers, He's Bonkers (and associated sequels). BONKERS pauses as badly animated REN & STIMPY pass by. BONKERS Geez. Look at these toons today. What're they animated at? One frame per second or something? DARKWING Heheh, yeah- tell me about it. And this stuff is supposed to be "good?" Other people are even _imitating_ it! DARKWING pauses as he sees GRATING glaring at him and coming closer. Hehehe... Schnookums & Meat indeed- I gotta run- your cop friend is still after me, remember? What's he got against vigilantes, anyway!? BONKERS Dunno. Guess 'cause yer not union or somethin'. Catch ya later! BONKERS walks up to the camera and is yanking the cameraman by his tie to walk with him as DARKWING vanishes in a puff of smoke. BONKERS Let's go watch the auction, shall we? The AUCTIONEER is none other than LUDWIG VON DRAKE. VON DRAKE Up fer sale today is nothin' but da finest animation studio in Hollywood. Wackytoons Studio, founded in 19- CROWD GET ON WITH IT! VON DRAKE Da bidding starts at one thousand. KHAN One Thousand. SHERE KHAN looks around nervously for something. He is annoyed. VON DRAKE I haf one thousand from the big kitty- err, Shere Khan. Do I have- SCROOGE One Thousand and ONE! The CROWD groans. A large EXPLOSION is heard from the BANQUET area! The large CAKE is splattered all over the entire crowd, and FROSTING is blocking the camera lens! When it is wiped away by a HAND, we see FLAPS the elephant standing on the rapidly bending table with a TOMMY GUN. DENNIS, STARK, MIRANDA, GRATING and SKEWER are all being tied up by FAT CAT's henchmen! FLAPS runs over to GLADSTONE GANDER and plucks the four leaf clover from GANDER's lapel, sticking it in his "shirt." Immediately, an ANVIL falls on GLADSTONE! When GLADSTONE gets out of the hole, LIGHTNING strikes him! FLAPS grabs SCROOGE and begins leading him out. SHERE KHAN smiles. This drops away when FAT CAT shows up and sits in SCROOGE's chair. FLAPS' ears begin to twitch, and he begins to float! FLAPS I never knew I could wiggle my ears like that before! So long, coppers! Expect a hefty ransom note! And awaaay we go! FAT CAT It's good to be back in town, isn't it, Khan? CUT TO SKEWER'S OFFICE. SKEWER Fat Cat being back in town? To me, it meant that today everything we saw was probably the tip of a much bigger iceberg, considering he hadn't been around here in half a decade. CUT BACK TO THE CONVENTION. BONKERS looks frantically at FLAPS leading SCROOGE off and at his tied up friends. A toon bulb appears over his head, and he spins around, changing clothes into a purple suit with black pinstripes and a 30's slick haircut. In his hands is a tommygun. When he speaks, it's with a Capone Accent. BONKERS Awright, see... Flaps, yer musclin' in on my turf, yeah... put da duck down and I won't ventilate yas... go it? FLAPS And what are you supposed to be? Mobster Cop? BONKERS fires a shot which knocks the FOUR-LEAFED CLOVER out of FLAPS' shirt. FLAPS immediately crashes to the ground. BONKERS I'm Big Boss Bonkers, nyah... (aside) I LOVED doing this role in "Big Boss Bonkers!" GLADSTONE, somehow covered with snapping crabs, manages to retrieve his clover, and they run off. SCROOGE jumps back in his chair. VON DRAKE Going, going, gone to Mr. Shere Khan for One Thousand and One Dollars and One cent! SCROOGE You set this whole thing up, didn't you? Just te get me out of the picture long enough so ye could make the winnin' bid! KHAN Why, I have no idea what you mean, Scrooge. KHAN chuckles quietly. FLAPS is being led away by DENNIS and STARK. BONKERS is talking animatedly with MIRANDA. He still wears the "Big Boss Bonkers" outfit. BONKERS Yeah, that was one of my best roles... I almost had a cameo bit-shot in the "Godbrother"! MIRANDA That's- MIRANDA looks up worriedly. LOOK OUT! BONKERS looks up as TINKERBELL drops an 16 TON WEIGHT on him. It crashes him through the floor, and water comes gushing out of the hole. BONKERS eventually climbs out of the hole, soaking wet. MIRANDA Bonkers, are you all right? BONKERS I'm fine, sistah... MIRANDA Huh? On stage, SHERE KHAN is standing to sign the contract when BONKERS runs up with his tommy gun, GRABBING KHAN! BONKERS Awright, see? Nobuddy move! This cat's my pisonah, got it? The CROWD laughs. SHERE KHAN This comedic distraction is entirely unneccessary. KHAN tries to shove BONKERS away, but BONKERS handcuffs him! BONKERS We're outta here, see? And if any of yous coppers tinks about followin, the tiger buys it! Capiche'? BONKERS pulls SHERE KHAN out of the convention hall! He snags a COPS camera- man too! FAT CAT No, no, NO! He was supposed to be MY--- FAT CAT notices the cops looking at him. FAT CAT My guest at dinner tonight... heheheh... Mapps! Wart! Snout! Let's go! FAT CAT and his gang slip out. MIRANDA and GRATING look at one another curiously. VON DRAKE is running to them. GRATING Is this just a stupid publicity stunt? MIRANDA I don't think so, Sarge. VON DRAKE Dere you two are! Ve's got a problem here, kiddies! Da Bobcat's brain has been smoshed- GRATING "Smoshed?" And this is a scentific term, right? VON DRAKE Be quiet, young man! Ve is talking about the very core of toon science! Anyways, Bonkers now tinks he IS von auf da roles he has been playing in the movies! He tinks he IS "Big Boss Bonkers!" Your partner has become a criminal element! CUT TO SKEWER'S OFFICE. MIRANDA and GRATING are seated at the ROUND TABLE with SKEWER. The title on the camera reads "34th Precinct- Briefing, 9:57 AM" SKEWER "Big Boss Bonkers" was a theatrical flop, the only movie short of Bonkers' that got a negative as in below zero rating from the critics. They said Bonkers was too hammy in the role, his character was too slick and impossible to defeat for a true mobster of revisionist history 70's fame, and the plot was nonexistent. GRATING Where'd you find all this out? SKEWER Like I ever tell. MIRANDA Well, he obviously thinks he's this character, so what are the weaknesses that "Big Boss Bonkers" had in the short? SKEWER That's just it- there were none. He was the worst mobster of them all. Now look, we've got to get him off the street and get Khan and that cameraman back before- DENNIS runs in. DENNIS Sir! The 54th has gotten a warrant for Bonkers' arrest! They're sending three squadcars after him! He's one of California's Most Wanted! SKEWER Grating, Wright! Get after him! We've got to get him before they do! SKEWER notices the camera. SKEWER So that... erm... justice can be served! Move it, officers! CUT TO MIRANDA, driving. The Title reads "Searching for Suspect, 10:13 AM" MIRANDA Why'd I become a cop? To help people, maybe fix some of what's wrong out there- to make a difference. I never thought I'd be going after my own partner, though. CUT TO BONKERS, in a stolen squad car. SHERE KHAN is locked in the back of the car. The title in the screen reads "Kidnapper's Escape. 10:15 AM" BONKERS Awright, see... I ain't no dope. Yous hired Flaps to do yer dirty woik for ya, and he hired Fat Cat's thugs to do his dirty woik fer him. KHAN A simple guarantee of protection from the Syndicate got Flaps to return to Hollywood. As for Fat Cat, who cares? He's been gone so long he is of no relevance. A "Bit Player" you might say. BONKERS Aside from Scrooge McDuck, yous gotta be da richest toon on da planet. Sos I says to myself, "Big Boss, Big Boss" I says- "I tink I wanna piece a da action." A piece a YOUR action. SIRENS are heard in the rear. BONKERS picks up the radio. BONKERS Whos dat followin' me when I said not to? RADIO This is Jack Spinella, 54th Precinct. Pull over! BONKERS Spinella? I remember yous. You busted my old partner, Lucky P. fer havin' no pants on in broad daylight, when in fact he was wearin' boxers! RADIO He said a toon bag stole them. Can you believe that? BONKERS Yeah, I can- cuz I was dere! BONKERS spins the steering wheel and rushes his squad car TOWARDS the ones that were chasing him! The camera switches to SPINELLA as he gawks at BONKERS' car coming at him. SPINELLA That toon's a maniac! It switches to BONKERS. BONKERS Nyah... come and get it, coppers! FADE OUT as we hear a CRASH! END OF ACT TWO ACT THREE FADE IN to show MIRANDA and GRATING at an accident scene. SPINELLA is kicking the wreck of his car, which falls apart. The title reads "Accident Scene, 10:45 AM" SPINELLA All three cars... totaled. And that toon maniac just flew right by us. MIRANDA Any idea where he was going? SPINELLA It seemed like he was heading for the Khan Industrial Complex. CUT to a wobbling camera shot of FAT CAT. The title reads "Seized Videotape, Time Unknown" FAT CAT MAPPS! Are you recording this for posterity? MAPPS (VO) No, I'm recording it for you, boss! FAT CAT Shut up, Mapps. Toon Cops... I have been out of the city for far too long. That deranged lunatic Bonkers is no doubt going to bring Khan back here to open his personal vault. SNOUT (VO) Daa, boss, wasn't dat uhh, your plan? The camera shot is now sideways. FAT CAT Yes it was, my ignorant rodent lackey... MAPPS! USE A TRIPOD! MAPPS (VO) Da..okay, boss. FAT CAT Let's go inside and await their arrival, shall we? CUT TO SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE of BONKERS and SHERE KHAN in KHAN'S OFFICE. There is a Vault door ala Scrooge's mounted in the side of one wall. The camera angle is slightly overhead. BONKERS is looking out the window as SQUAD CARS pull up. KHAN You will never get out of here with your freedom, Bonkers. BONKERS Dat's "Big Boss" to you, kitty-cat! BONKERS sticks his TOMMY GUN in Khan's back. Now I wants ya ta open dat safe for me rite now! KHAN And if I refuse? BONKERS aims at the ceiling. CUT TO FAT CAT'S CAMERA, which shows them hiding in the ventilation shaft as bullets rip through the bottom dangerously close to them. CUT BACK to the SECURITY CAMERA. BONKERS Dat. SHERE KHAN opens the vault door and SHOVES BONKERS in! BONKERS yanks KHAN in, and FAT CAT and his GANG jump out of the ventilation duct and run it. MAPPS closes the vault door from the inside. Only the character's eyes are visible in the dark. FAT CAT MAPPS! MAPPS I just closed it so that no one outside could see what we were doing! FAT CAT YOU IDIOT! YOU'VE LOCKED US IN! The lights click on. Six GUARDS surround FAT CAT and crew along with BONKERS. KHAN Welcome to my private vault. You are all under arr- FAT CAT snaps his fingers. The GUARDS turn their guns on KHAN. FAT CAT Amazing what a little bribery will do, eh Khan? Too bad you don't pay your guards better. BONKERS snaps his fingers, and the guards turn on FAT CAT. BONKERS Nyah! And too bad- The GUARDS catch themselves and turn the guns back on him. BONKERS It's just too bad. Oh well. BONKERS shoots out some of the light bulbs! As the glass falls on the guards, he snatches their guns! He walks over to FAT CAT. BONKERS Wat's say you and me, we cut a deal? CUT TO EXT. KHAN BUILDING. Title reads "Serving Warrant, 11:05 AM" SKEWER, GRATING and MIRANDA are outside the building. SKEWER My sources say Bonkers has holed up in the vault with Fat Cat, and they're holding Khan hostage in exchange for title to Khan Industries and immunity from Prosection. We have a warrant for Fat Cat and Bonkers. Grating, get in there, get them out, any way you have to. Wright and I will montior your progress. Take the new Tiny-Cam. CUT TO INT. VAULT. BONKERS is examining a statue of SHERE KHAN that is made out of solid gold. BONKERS Not a bad likeness, furface. KHAN That statue is thirty years old and weighs sixteen tons. FAT CAT Mapps! Snout! Get the winches! So nice of you to provide a getaway helicopter, eh, Khan? MAPPS comes running. MAPPS We can get out of here through the ventilation shaft, boss! FAT CAT Why Mapps! How clever of you! I didn't know you could even SAY "Ventilation Shaft!" MAPPS It came as a shock to me, too! SNOUT runs in, huffing. SNOUT Boss! Dey'res Cops in the air conditioning shaft! BONKERS Coppers? I'll take carea dem! I hate coppers! BONKERS leaps up into an air conditioning duct. FAT CAT WART! Get after him! I don't want any of them coming back! CUT TO INT. AIR CONDITIONING SHAFT. The Cameras here are mounted on the shoulders so we can see the side of the officer's face and the forward view. The title reads "Pursuit of Suspects, 11:25 AM" The shafts are claustrophobic and dark, yet dimly lit. GRATING is crawling through the ducts slowly. CUT TO MIRANDA and SKEWER, who are in front of a console that diagrams the entire air conditioning structure. There are two red blips on the screen and one blue for Grating on the screen. One of the blips is moving rapidly. CUT TO GRATING, who sees an orange blur whiz by the shaft in front of him. GRATING What was that? GRATING continues to climb through the shaft. CUT TO the diagram. One of the red blips is moving towards the blue blip. SKEWER He's almost on top of him! CUT TO GRATING, who hears the duct shaking behind him. A Bullet is fired, and GRATING scrambles around a corner. A hail of bullets comes through the shaft he was just in. We see GRATING sliding backwards in one shaft, and bullets ripping through the wall he was just up against. BONKERS (VO) Eat lead, Copper! Change views to show BONKERS steadily advancing through the shaft, hunched over, holding his TOMMY GUN. His eyes are slitted. His ears are alert, searching for any sign of GRATING. GRATING slips back further. BONKERS Ay Francis! FRANCIS GRATING! I knows ware you are! BONKERS is looking in the wrong direction. GRATING frowns and pulls off his badge. He pulls off the stick pin and places it on the floor of the shaft next to him, facing up. GRATING You'll never take me alive, Bobcat! BONKERS Ay! Dat's my line! BONKERS rushes forward, getting stuck with the pin. BONKERS YEEEEEEEEEEEEEOW! BONKERS begins to slam into the top and then the bottom of the shaft, causing dents. Below the shaft, FAT CAT, MAPPS and SNOUT watch as the dents grow larger and larger. The GUARDS are tied up in a corner. FAT CAT What the-? The Ventilation shaft FALLS DOWN! GRATING leaps into the vault, gun drawn. BONKERS lands on his head HARD. He is out of it, his TOMMYGUN in FAT CAT's hand. As BONKERS begins to get up, FAT CAT fires at the cables that are lifting KHAN'S STATUE up, and it crashes down on BONKERS! FAT CAT So much for that annoyance. Put your gun down, Officer. PUSH IN on the the vault doors as they open and MIRANDA and SKEWER burst in! CUT TO FAT CAT holding his TOMMYGUN to GRATING'S back! FAT CAT hisses! FAT CAT SKEWER! SKEWER So we meet again. MIRANDA You two know each other? FAT CAT That's not important! Drop your guns or chubby here gets it! GRATING Look who's talking, Sardine-Breath! MIRANDA Let's talk. I'm sure we can negotiate- FAT CAT Spare me your drivel, officer. Bring me the deed to Khan Industries within one hour- or... BONKERS leaps up from under the statue, holding all six of the GUARDS' guns! BONKERS Stop wastin' yer time talkin' Fats! You, cop! Over dere in da corner with dem guards! You two, Sewer! SKEWER That's SKEWER! BONKERS Yeah yeah, a Pickle by any odder name is Lucky just da same. BONKERS turns to FAT CAT. BONKERS Now I taught we had a deal? FAT CAT We did! We did! BONKERS pulls out WART from his pocket. BONKERS Den wat was DIS doin followin' me around up dere? Get in da corner! WART stumbles over with the cops. BONKERS You too, fatsy. MOVE IT! BONKERS fires at the roof. FAT CAT retreats to the corner. Ain't NOBODY doublecrosses da Big Boss Bonkers! FAT CAT What are you going to do now, Bobcat? Keep shooting at the roof all day? BONKERS Naah. Lessee here. I's got three coppers, four toon gangsters and a megaquadzillionaire industrialist. I think I'll order out for lunch. You! BONKERS waves a tommy gun at MIRANDA, who acts surprised. Yeah, you, sistah! I'm hungry! Go out dere and get me some lunch! Use yer police car ta get it here extra fast! Capiche? SKEWER leans over to MIRANDA. SKEWER Do it. You know the situation in here, get his pizza with some backup topping. MIRANDA goes out through the vault door. FAT CAT Wonderful, "Big Boss." You just let a POLICEWOMAN walk right out of here to get help! BONKERS I knows EXACTLY wat I'm doin. CUT TO EXT. KHAN INDUSTRIES BUILDING. The title reads "Serving Warrant, 11:45 AM". MIRANDA is talking to DENNIS and STARK. MIRANDA I don't like the idea of charging in there after my partner like this. STARK Hey, he's our buddy too. I don't want to go after him any more than you do- but he's got hostages! DENNIS What if we could figure out a way to get him back to normal? STARK Bonkers? Normal? DENNIS You know what I mean, K.O.! MIRANDA Let's get Von Drake! STATIC FADE. The new title reads "Briefing, 12:15 PM" LUDWIG VON DRAKE has arrived. DENNIS Miranda went up there with the lunch ten minutes ago. It's up to us. So what do we do, Doc? VON DRAKE Dat's "Professor", aktually. Vell, ve have to conk Bonkers on da head something fierce! STARK That's it? VON DRAKE Vell, vew have to match da exact weight of da object dat hit 'im da first time, wich in dis case vas a Varner Brudders cast iron wait of 16 tons. DENNIS and STARK look at each other, inspired. VON DRAKE walks off. DENNIS' walkie talkie erpupts into static. DENNIS Go. MIRANDA This is Miranda. Bonk-err... Big Boss Bonkers wants to hold a press conference up here pronto! DENNIS What!? MIRANDA With security guards and everything! DENNIS O...k... HAND TRUCK DENNIS as he runs off and tells this to STARK. CUT TO INT VAULT. The title reads "Press Conference, 12:35 PM" The PRESS are being held at bay by BONKERS, who has GRATING, SKEWER and MIRANDA by his side. REPORTER Big Boss Bonkers, is it true you've turned against your fellow officers and become a gangland criminal? BONKERS shoves the cops next to FAT CAT's GANG. He handcuffs FAT CAT to himself, MIRANDA to MAPPS, GRATING to WART and SNOUT, and SKEWER to SHERE KHAN. BONKERS (normal voice) Bzzzt! WRONG! MIRANDA What happened to your accent? BONKERS I would like to announce the culmination of a cunningly clever criminal case by our own Captain ERIC SKEWER! SKEWER What?! BONKERS Utilizing the disguise of Big Boss Bonkers, I managed to throw Fat Cat and his gang off guard, just as Captain Skewer had planned it! SKEWER WHAT!? Err... I mean.. YES! BONKERS Thus we now have their entire gang in custody, the charge? Conspiring with Flaps to kidnap Scrooge McDuck! KHAN So why, pray tell, am I in handcuffs? SKEWER Sorry, sir. SKEWER releases SHERE KHAN, who slinks off. BONKERS And the mastermind of the plot, Shere- Captain! SKEWER What? Uh-Oh. BONKERS I meant, uhh... the mastermind of this brilliant Police Plot, the sheer genius, Captain SKEWER! Everyone applauds. CUT TO EXT. KHAN INDUSTRIES BUILDING. The title reads "Briefing, 12:59 PM" DENNIS and STARK are seen in the background driving a CRANE with a 16 ton weight on it. SKEWER I'm sorry I let him go, Bonkers. BONKERS He's gonna try to head for the convention center to sign his deal for Wackytoons! Come on! CUT TO INT. GRATING's SQUAD CAR. GRATING "Big Boss Bonkers." Heh. What a stupid- HEY! WILL YOU GET THAT CAMERA OUTTA MY FACE! GRATING puts his hand on the lens. CUT TO INT. CONVENTION CENTER, where SHERE KHAN is on stage. BONKERS and SKEWER burst in. The title is: "Raid, 1:21 PM" BONKERS You're under arrest for illegal tampering with an auction, hiring thugs for and plotting a kidnapping, and for being too snappy a dresser! SLOW MOTION as BONKERS LEAPS for the stage. ZOOM IN on SHERE KHAN's HAND as the PEN in it goes nearer to the contract. Show a GLOVED HAND knocking the pen out of the way. SPEED UP to show BONKERS knocking over SHERE KHAN and handcuffing him. KHAN You have no evidence of any wrongdoing, officer. I intend to sue for false arrest. BONKERS Wrong! I've got that COPS cameraman's videotape. KHAN Drat. Very well. Take me away. SCROOGE McDUCK runs up and signs the contract. SCROOGE As the second highest, and only eligible bidder left, I hereby take ownership of Wackytoons Cartoon Studios for McDuck Industries. There is a general cheer from the audience. BONKERS is walking away when DENNIS and STARK's crane CRASHES into the building, dropping their 16 ton weight on him! VON DRAKE rushes in and drops his own 16 ton weight on BONKERS at the same time! MIRANDA No! Wait! He was okay! Bonkers? Big Boss? BONKERS climbs slowly out of the hole. BONKERS Hey everybody! I'm Sergeant Grating, just Frank, never Francis! GRATING BOBCAT! BONKERS Okay, Okay... I'm fine! Well, I do want one thing... MIRANDA What's that? BONKERS AN ASPIRIN! CUT TO CAPT. SKEWER at his DESK ala the opening. SKEWER It turned out Bonkers had been fine from the moment when Shere Khan's statue had fallen on him. Whether or not the whole thing was a masterplan of Bonkers' from the start, we may never know. All I know is, at the end of the day, I got a commendation from Chief Kanifky for the sting, and that's all that really matters. IRIS OUT FADE IN TO INT. PRISON CELL. SHERE KHAN is staring into the screen, which is the monitor of a Security Camera. KHAN I could have used Wackytoons Studio. But nothing has changed, really. The plan will continue. Hehehehehehehehe.... The Security Camera blanks out jerkily and goes to static.