BONKERS!: The NEW Adventures
"Imp-possible Journey"
Characters (C) WALT DISNEY STUDIOS
Original Story by SUSHIL RUDRANATH
FOR PRIVATE USE ONLY, NOT ENDORSED BY DISNEY,
DON'T SUE ME, I'M A NICE GUY.
(And I stay true to the characters!)
DISTRIBUTE FREELY SO LONG AS NO CHANGES ARE MADE AND THIS
NOTICE REMAINS INTACT
NOTE: This story starts a week after the last, "The Best of Both Toons", and
it marks the next step backwards in a continuity similar to that of Doctor
Who: The New Adventures. This time, an experiment written in prose.
TEASER
(Overlaid title: "Agrabah- A few hundred years ago")
(Removed after a second or two)
"Over there, Genie!" Aladdin ducked as Abu and the flying Carpet
zoomed over his head, dodging a palace tower as they met the Genie in
midair. Genie morphed his head into a giant tank turret and rotated it
in the direction Aladdin was pointing. Firing a few shells of exploding
ammo, Genie popped back into his normal shape as the fire-Imp dodged
the explosions and smacked him into a minaret, squashing Iago in the
process.
"Hey, WATCH IT, Blue boy!" Iago pulled himself out from under the
Genie.
Aladdin watched as the fire-Imp threw some flame and incinerated
a wall. "Iago! Did you say this thing was just a BABY?!"
The parrot nodded. "Jafar kept it as a pet! Dunno why, when he had
me..."
"Well, if you hadn't gone nosing around his old workshop looking
for treasure, this thing wouldn't be out here! How do we stop it?!"
"How should _I_ know?! Do I look like Jafar?"
Genie pulled himself off the minaret and zoomed down to Aladdin.
"Al! I've got it!" He morphed into a Monty Hall shape. "We can buy some
time!"
"What?!" Aladdin dodged the Imp as it made a lunge for him.
"Well, if we send it really, really far away, by the time it gets
back, we could figure out how to stop it!"
"Do it! Iago and I will check out Jafar's old workshop for some
way to get rid of it!"
The Genie popped into a giant vaccuum cleaner which sucked up the
fire-Imp. He began to turn red from the heat, but quickly turned into a
giant bazooka which shot the Imp far off into the distance.
"There!" Genie resumed his normal form.
"Where'd you send it?" Aladdin watched as the Imp went over the
horizion.
Genie popped into a telescope. "Hmm... he's fallen into a big
crack in the ground, far away, over an ocean... don't worry, there's
nobody there... it's just a piece of land no one would ever want,
because nobody would be crazy enough to build there, at least not for
a few hundred years, anyway."
Aladdin sighed in relief. "Come on, let's check out Jafar's place
for a counterspell or something."
Genie turned into a Federal Agent. "There-has-been-an-earthquake
in-the-area. The-suspect-has-been-buried-alive. No-Further-threat-to-
National-Security-is-posed-by-the-Suspect." He broke character. "In other
words, we've got some time to burn. No rush."
"Come on!" Carpet swung down with Abu, and the gang rushed off
to find the defense in Jafar's lab anyway- just in case.
(Overlaid Title- "California- 1995")
(removed after a bit)
In the California desert, the ground trembled as another Quake
hit the area. A large crack formed in the desert floor, and as the
few cacti in the area keeled over, a small, firey-hot Imp burst out of
the ground cackling hideously. It looked around, and saw the bright
lights of Hollywood shining in the distance. It cackled a bit more and
started to fly towards the lights.
(run Bonkers Opener)
(open Act I)
"Happy New Year, Miranda! Happy New Year, Sarge!" Bonkers was
bounding up and down the hallways of the 34th Precinct, greeting
everyone in sight with a big smile and a "Happy New Year" pin. Grating
got several of them stuck to his uniform.
"BOBCAT! This is FRIDAY, the 13th! New Year's was WEEKS ago!"
Bonkers didn't stop jumping around until Grating clamped his hand
around his throat.
"Ack-sorry, Sarge. But I gotta get rid of these New Year's party
pins! No one came to my party!"
Miranda walked in with some reports for Grating. "Maybe that's
because you didn't send out invitations until the fifth of January,
Bonkers."
Bonkers sighed. "How many times do I have to tell you? They were
late from the printers."
Sgt. Grating dropped Bonkers on the floor with a satisfying thud.
"Here's an idea, Bobcat. WHY DON'T YOU GO BOTHER CAPTAIN SKEWER!?"
Bonkers brightened up. "Great Idea, Sarge!"
Miranda watched Bonkers bound off as she gave Grating her reports.
"Are you crazy? Do you want Bonkers to get fired?"
Grating looked at her strangely for a minute. "Of course not! Not
now that he can drive Skewer crazy... heheheheh...."
* * *
For his part, Captain Eric Skewer was doing his best to avoid
another stress headache. Ever since he'd taken over the 34th last year,
Bonkers had taken his spit and polish training and reduced it to something
akin to wet sandpaper. Sergeant Grating was always waiting to pick on him,
trying to get his old job back, and Miranda Wright was constantly covering
for the two of them when he tried to kick them out. Chief Kanifky was
totally clueless, and Darkwing Duck was still playing vigilante on the
streets of Hollywood. There was nothing he wanted more than a promotion,
a transfer, anything to get him out of this station. He took some Tylenol
and hoped it would help. It didn't.
"Hey, Captain!" Bonkers bounded in and within seconds had covered
Skewer with his New Year's buttons. Skewer sighed and answered in his
usual monotone, "Hello Officer. I already have one of these. I came to
your rather empty party on New Year's Eve, remember?"
Bonkers paused. "Yeah. How DID you know about it anyway? There were
no invitations! You always seem to know stuff without being told."
Skewer adjusted his sunglasses. "Information is my business,
Bonkers." He punched a button on his desk intercom. "Officer Wright,
Sergeant Grating, my office, now."
Miranda and Grating came in. Grating looked at Skewer and stifled
a laugh. Skewer lowered his shades and looked at him.
"I should have known you sent him here. You're taking years off my
life, Grating." Skewer handed him a folder. "So now I'm returning the
favor. Get your squad together and deal with Darkwing Duck already. I
expect results in this new year."
Grating growled. He hated working with toons, and chasing down
Darkwing forced him to do just that. "Fine, Captain. I'll get Dennis and
Stark and we'll get started." He walked out of the office grumbling.
Miranda watched as Skewer pulled a button off his mustache. "As
for you two, I have another interesting case I want you to look into.
This isn't quite a toon-related problem, I don't think, unless you toons
are starting to be made out of flames."
Bonkers shook his head. "The asbestos lining was causing all sorts
of trouble. What's going on? Arsonist? Hot Dog man cooking with too much
gas?"
"See for yourself." Skewer opened a file onto his desk.
* * *
"Hmm. Strange, huh Bonkers?" Miranda tried to concentrate on the
road as she drove, but Bonkers' Sheerluck pose was so ridiculous it was
hard to keep her mind on her driving. Bonkers looked at the photographs
in the file a bit closer. "Well, it's sure not a toon. It's not very
funny, even though it laughs a lot. And it burns all sortsa stuff. No
really good sight gags, either. Nope, definitely not a toon."
"Well, it's up to us to stop this thing."
Bonkers nodded. "Scary, huh?" He jerked forward as Miranda hit
the brakes.
"Look, Bonkers! Over there!" Miranda pointed out the windshield
and Bonkers followed her finger to the middle of the sidewalk, where
the firey thing was jumping all over kid's ice cream cones, melting them
and chuckling with glee. It sat on a newspaper stand which started to
smoke dangerously.
Bonkers jumped out of the squad car window and stood in front of
the creature. "Hey! Don't you know it's a Federal offense to smoke in
public?" He whipped out a toon fire extinguisher and sprayed foam all
over the fire-Imp, which staggered back and choked on the foam before
scampering up out of range. It spat out some foam and yelled out
"No! Not ANOTHER Genie!" before running off.
"Another Genie?" Miranda looked at Bonkers curiously. "This guy's
been watching too much Aladdin."
Bonkers shook his head. "Disney farmed that out to Wackytoons.
It was based on a true story."
Miranda looked up. "Those stories were myths, Bonkers!"
Bonkers spun around and when he stopped, he was dressed in an
archaeologist's uniform. "Now, now, all myths have some basis in truth."
Miranda raised her left eyebrow. "A Genie with the voice of Robin
Williams?"
"No! Dan Castellana."
"Maybe he's just nuts, Bonkers."
"Dan Castellana?" Bonkers twisted his face into an unreasonable
facsimilie of Homer Simpson's.
"No, Bonkers! The- the... what is it, anyway?"
Bonkers shook his head. "Let's go check with an expert."
* * *
"Is it dis ting?" Ludwig Von Drake held up a picture of a rabid
hot dog drenched in pimento sauce. Bonkers eyed it appraisingly.
"Too cubist."
"Vell, wat about dis?" The duck produced a picture of a
hangliding wallaby.
Miranda sighed and sketched a picture of the firey creature.
Von Drake shook his head. "Looks like an Agrabarian Imp of some
kind...lemme take a look here...." He pulled out a dusty old book,
which was falling apart at the seams. He blew the dust off the cover.
"HA-CHOO! HAAA-CHOO!" Bonkers started to sneeze uncontrollably,
bouncing around the room like a basketball until he came to rest, head
stuck in the jaws of a stuffed alligator on the wall. Miranda helped him
out as Von Drake looked through the book, picking a page out of the text
and reading it.
"It's red, right?"
"Right." Miranda was unimpressed.
"Fiery, and it laughs like a hyena wit hiccups?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" Bonkers perked up considerably.
"It's a fire-Imp vrum Southern Agrabah."
Miranda walked over to Von Drake and took the book.
"Let's see. Fire-Imp."
(zoom in on text)
FIRE-IMP, Agrabarian variety.
Evil. Incredibly Evil. Dispicable yet mean.
Likes:
Incinerating things.
Laughing madly.
Upsetting fruit carts.
Destroying places of Authority.
Singing moonlight ballads.
Dislikes:
Places of Authority.
Humanity in general.
Genies.
Pimento Loaf.
(zoom out from text)
Miranda leafed through the book and found the page marked
"How to stop Fire-Imps."
Bonkers walked up to her and looked on the page.
"Hmm... look, Miranda, there's nothing there. It says,
'this page borrowed by Aladdin'". He brightened up. "I told you that those
stories were real!"
"Oh, great! So what do we do now, get a time machine?"
Bonkers seriously considered the idea while Miranda looked out of
Von Drake's window. There were small fires in the streets, and people were
running in fear, trying to dodge the mischevious Imp.
Bonkers ran up to her with a toon light bulb over his head.
"Miranda! I've got an idea! He's a fire-Imp, right? So maybe he's
afraid of the cold!"
Miranda rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Maybe you're right, Bonkers.
he sure didn't like that fire extinguisher foam. But it didn't weaken
him, it just slowed him down."
Von Drake replaced the book on his shelf and peered out the
window. "Den maybe wat you have to be doing is trying to trap the little
firebug, eh?"
"Sounds like a plan! Come on, Bonkers!"
* * *
Bonkers stood outside the Freez-o-Matic Refrigerator store dressed
in a Parka and a Ski mask. In his hands he held an obnoxiously large
snowball, which he had rolled out from the interior of the largest meat
locker. The Fire-Imp saw it, and came flying.
Bonkers' expression grew stern as he prepared for the showdown with
the Imp. The Imp moved faster, ready for the battle.
Unfortunately, the 90 degree L.A. heat melted the snowball a little
prematurely, and before the Imp could get to Bonkers, the dramatic moment
was spoiled by a flood that caused a major crash in the intersection and
the cleaning of a very messy avenue.
* * *
"Are you sure about this, Bonkers?" Miranda adjusted the straps on
Bonkers' backpack which was hooked up to a tank of liquid nitrogen.
"Sure I'm sure, Miranda. This stuff'll make Mr. Imp cold and hard as
a rock."
"I dunno." Miranda stood back as Bonkers picked up the spray nozzle
that was hooked up to his backpack. The Fire Imp set a toupee' on fire,
and lunged for them. Bonkers lowered his goggles and turned on the
machine. It shot out a stream of Liquid Nitrogen which was blown back by
the wind onto him. The Imp watched as Bonkers chattered and broke apart.
Miranda watched the Imp get away as she put on protective gloves
and set Bonkers out to thaw. He did, and his pieces reformed. He got up
and shook his head. "My next plan'll get him for sure!"
Miranda looked up for strength.
* * *
"A little to the left, Jitters! No, MY left!" Bonkers was steering
Jitters' sightseeing helicopter into position over the area being torched
by the Imp. Jitters was covering his eyes and trying not to think about
how badly Bonkers was going to get him mangled this time. There was a
large makeshift water tank strapped onto the helicopter, which Bonkers was
trying to aim at the Imp. As the firey creature jumped onto a car, the
bobcat released the water. The Imp dashed out of the way, and there was a
huge splash below.
On the ground, Miranda stood in front of the squad car, soaking wet.
On the street next to her, the plaster of Paris factory's ceiling caved in
under the pressure of the water and in an instant the building truly had a
rock solid foundation.
* * *
"Now I know this must be difficult for you, officers, but you've
got to keep on trying." Chief Kanifky was busily trying to putt his golf
ball into the cup on the other side of his office. Bonkers was sitting
on his desk and Miranda was trying to keep warm. Bonkers had dashed over
to Police Headquarters without giving her time to change.
"Chiefy, you've got to give me some of your sage advice. Lucky and
I lived on it." Bonkers whipped out his notepad.
Kanifky smiled. "Always address the ball politely."
Miranda sighed. "About the Imp, sir."
"Imp? What Imp?" Kanifky jerked upright. "Officer, you're supposed
to be chasing a fire-causing Imp- not some... some... Imp!"
Bonkers noted that the golfball was veering dangerously towards
the opposite wall, so he kicked it into place. Kanifky did not notice.
"Well officers, I'd say fight fire with fire. That is, if I was
saying anything. What was I saying?"
"Fire with Fire. Got it." Bonkers put the notepad away, confident.
Miranda looked at the map of L.A. on Kanifky's wall and mused.
"You notice that it's made a straight path through L.A.? As if it's
going somewhere specific?"
Bonkers looked at the straight line of pins on the map that indicated
Imp-sightings and shook his head. "There's no pattern here, Miranda!" He
lowered his voice. "Maybe you've caught a chill."
Miranda ignored him and dragged him out to the squad car. After
returning inside for a fresh uniform, she drove back over to Von Drake's
laboratory.
* * *
"Vell, Agrabah vas rite here, many hundreds of years ago. Today
of course, almost nuttin is left of da empire."
Miranda looked at the map and traced a straight line with her
finger back to LA. The line also continued into part of the California
desert. "I think the Imp's trying to get back to Agrabah."
Von Drake shrugged. "But dat place's been bye-bye for hundreds
of years! Dat Imp musta been outta circulation for a heckuva long time."
"My thoughts exactly. Bonkers?" Miranda turned around and sighed.
"Bonkers. Stop trying to melt metal in the microwave."
"It'll work, I tell you!" Bonkers hit COOK on the microwave panel
and it happily chirped as it exploded in his face.
* * *
"Fire Imps. Ancient Agrabarian legend come alive. Interesting."
Captain Skewer looked at Miranda's police report and Bonkers'
scrawlings and closed the folder. "Normally officer, I'd be doubting
your sanity at this point, but the eyewitness testimony and the
burnt portions of the city confirm your report. If you are correct in
assuming this creature is heading for where it thinks Agrabah is, then
perhaps we should let it go there."
"How can you say that, sir? The Imp will cause a lot of damage on
the way there! Not to mention the fact that the Gas Works is right in
its path!"
"The coast, Officer Wright. I doubt a Fire-Imp will take kindly
to having to cross the Pacific Ocean. If you can steer it away from
any major areas until it gets to the coast, we may be able to take
care of this reject from prehistory."
Bonkers jumped up onto Skewer's desk. "You're going to drive him
into the water like a helpless lemming!?"
Skewer took off his sunglasses and stared at Bonkers. Miranda
started-- he had been there for five months and no one had ever seen
his eyes before. They were green, and bloodshot from stress.
"Yes." It was said matter-of-factly, but with force.
Bonkers gulped. "That's fine with me, sir."
Skewer replaced his glasses. "Good. Then go stop him. And... be sure
to cut me in for a share of the profits you'll be getting from your win
in the officer's pool-- you know, the one where you were placing bets
on my eye color, or even if I had eyes."
Bonkers looked at Miranda triumphantly. "I TOLD you green was a sure
thing! But you said I was just picking da least likely color on purpose!"
Miranda looked at Skewer curiously. "But how did you-- nevermind."
Skewer smiled and thumbed his nose as they left.
* * *
Miranda didn't even have to check with her map to see where the
Imp had gone... there was a long trail of burning fruit-stands and
Pimento-loaf salesmen leading closer and closer to the coast as she
drove on. Bonkers was on the hood of the squadcar, acting as a hood
ornament and quikkie fire extinguisher. He would pop sudsy carbon
cartridges in his mouth, chew them up like gum, and then spit the
resulting foam on the fires. A nifty, if somewhat nauseating solution.
As the squadcar began to bear down on the Imp, Miranda happened to
glimpse a sign on the side of the road that was badly charred. She
stepped on the gas, and Bonkers splatted into the windshield.
His face spread all over one half of the windshield, Bonkers managed
to ask her "whud chu dhu dat fhour, Mihranduh?"
Miranda pointed ahead, and Bonkers twisted his neck to look
behind him. He did a take, and realized what had gotten her so upset.
"AHWOOGA! That Imp's heading straight for the Gas Works!"
-(] end of act one [)-
-(] act two [)-
Bonkers bounded out of the squad car and started looking for his
supersoaker while Miranda radioed for backup. Within seconds, two other
squadcars showed up.
"Hmm... backup couldn't have gotten here that fast." Miranda went
over to one of the cars.
"Sergeant Grating? How'd you know we were here?"
"Sarge?!" Bonkers jumped into the squadcar, and there was a little
scuffle before Grating threw him back out the window.
Bonkers watched as Grating got out of the car. He was wearing a
SWAT team uniform, and so were Dennis and Stark. Grating wasn't happy.
"That duck's somwhere around these Gas Works. We've been tracking
him all day. You two seen anything?"
Miranda shook her head. "But that Imp's here too, Sarge, and we've
got to stop him before he turns the Gas Works into a fireball!"
"What Imp?" Grating suddenly realized he shouldn't have asked that
question as a small firey thing suddenly jumped on him, burning off his
new SWAT hat before jumping off.
Bonkers pulled out a superlarge toon water pistol and started
hunting for the Imp.
"Here, little Impy Imp... I've got some firewood you can burn...
really nice for the aspiring arsonist... and it's biodegradable too..."
Bonkers heard a footfall behind him and he swung around firing. The
force of the water shot him backwards, and he lost control of the gun,
squirting everything in sight.
"Pthh-bthh--BOBCAAAT!" Grating was soaked, and so was half of the
gasworks. Bonkers was still out of control- the spray of water was
pushing him higher and higher into the air, until pretty soon, he was
above the whole building. That was when he saw the Imp gleefully burning
some sand into glass.
Turning off the gun at last, Bonkers fell down onto the glass
surface, footfirst.
"See, we bobcats always land on our fee--eeee---eeeeet!" Bonkers
started to slip and slide on the shiny glass, and the Imp simply moved
out of the way as he zoomed by, crashing into a nearby cactus plant.
The Imp chuckled and set fire to the cactus, causing Bonkers to
fly off of it, and straight into Stark's hands. Stark couldn't handle
the burning bobcat, so he tossed him onto the ground. Bonkers managed
to put himself out, and he started to pull the cactus needles out of
himself.
Dennis and Grating were using infrared cameras to look for any
sign of Darkwing Duck, but the Imp's heat kept leading them in the
wrong direction.
Miranda was tracking the fire-Imp. She had a small halon fire
extinguisher with her, and eventually she found the Imp sitting on
a propane tank trying to burn through it. She aimed the fire
extinguisher at the Imp when a cloud of purple smoke blocked her vision
and caused her to start gagging. She heard a voice coming from out of
nowhere.
"I am the Terror that Flaps in the Night! I am the Fireman that
puts out your blaze! I am DARKWING DUCK!"
The smoke cleared up, and Miranda saw Darkwing standing inbetween
her and the Imp. Bonkers, still full of cactus needles, ran up to her
side to see his hero.
"Wow! Look Miranda, it's Darkwing Duck! Lemme get an autograph!"
Miranda ignored him. "Get out of the way! If that Imp burns through
the tank, it'll blow sky-high!"
Darkwing snickered. "No insignifcant Imp will endanger the esteemed
enforcers of law and order in this city! Prepare to suck gas, evildoer!"
Bonkers gushed. "Oooh! Now we're gonna see some action!"
Darkwing fired his gas gun at the Imp, who stood there and took the
shot, igniting the gas with his heat, causing a trail of fire to run
right back to Darkwing, whose gas gun exploded.
"Uh-oh." Darkwing looked at the charred remains of the gun.
Miranda looked at the propane. "He's burned through the tank! We've
got to get out of here!"
Everyone except the Imp ran out of the Gas Works, and it jumped up
and down with glee as the three squad cars pulled back.
The Propane tank shot up 200 feet into the air, where it exploded.
It came rushing down, and there was a flash of purple, and it was gone.
"What the?" Sgt. Grating looked around for the tank, but it had
dissappeared. Stark handed him some binoculars, which Bonkers promptly
stole. "Ooh! Ooh! It was the Thunderquack! Darkwing caught the tank and
got it out of the way before it could hit another one and start a chain
reaction! He saved all our lives!"
Grating grunted. "Maybe. But if he hadn't gotten in the way, that
tank wouldn't have blown up in the first place! Dennis! Stark! Let's
try to catch him when he lands!" He turned to Miranda and Bonkers, who
was still pulling needles out of himself. "You two better stop this Imp
before he does any more damage!"
Miranda watched as the other two squad cars pulled away. She turned
to Bonkers and pulled a cactus needle out from his ear.
"Y'know, Bonkers... maybe if we knew where this thing came from,
maybe we could figure out a way to stop it."
"But it came from Agrabah, Professor Von Drake told us that already!"
Miranda shook her head. "It didn't show up until after the quake we
had last week- in the desert, in a straight line away from here."
"So?" Bonkers was pulling a needle from his hat.
"Sooo... it was in California all this time, probably stuck some-
where, becuase we've never heard of it before now. Maybe the Earthquake
had something to do with it showing up."
"NO! WAIT!" Bonkers perked up. There was a light bulb over his head.
"Maybe... the earthquake had something to do with it showing up!"
Miranda looked up in frustration, and the light bulb over Bonkers'
head cracked apart as he grinned stupidly.
* * *
The squad car sped down the streets of L.A. as it followed the Fire-
Imp's chaotic course of destruction. Bonkers was using his mega-fire
extinguisher to try and steer the Imp away from people. He watched as
the Imp set fire to newspaper stands and garbage bags, smacking off of
windows as it bounced from side to side across the street, generally
terrifying everyone.
Eventually, the Imp moved sideways, and Miranda had to stop the
squadcar before it rammed into a tree. She got a last look at the
creature before it bounded off, laughing.
"Bonkers, is it just me, or is that imp getting larger?"
Bonkers shrugged. "Dunno."
The Imp bounced back into sight and it sat on the hood of the car,
melting it. It was definitely larger.
Miranda got out of the car before it exploded- Bonkers went flying
out over the rooftops. He eventually staggered back, singed all over
the place. He pulled out another cactus needle from his seat.
"Yeah.. I think he's... bigger."
* * *
"Wonderful." Captain Skewer thumbed his moustache for a moment.
"This Imp is cutting a swath through Downtown L.A. and you two come
back here to tell me it's growing."
"Cap'n, this things waaay to hot to handle! YEOW!" Bonkers had
tried to jump up on Skewer's desk, but he had landed on a cactus plant
Skewer had placed in his favorite spot. "Not again..." Bonkers flew up
and smacked into the ceiling. Small chunks of plaster fell on the desk
below.
Skewer smiled. He felt much better now. "I can see that. It melted
through the hood of your squadcar like a piece of paper. But as I told
you, if we can get it to the coast without trouble, our problems will be
solved."
Miranda watched as Bonkers floated back down to the cactus plant and
zoomed back up into the ceiling. "Sir, are you absolutely sure about that
idea? It's still got a good five miles to go and it could cause a lot of
dmamge getting there... and it is getting larger."
Skewer frowned. "True. Fine. You two will have to force it to get to
the coast even faster. It can fly... so we should force it to take to the
air."
Bonkers watched helplessly as his flattened form floated back to the
cacti again. He flew up with such force that he broke through to the
third floor. Skewer watched him punch through the ceiling and smiled.
"And I think Officer Bobcat will be the ideal choice for this mission."
* * *
On the roof of the 34th Precinct, Miranda gave Bonkers a crash
helmet and a radio. "Now remember, Bonkers- once you're in the air,
just use this radio, and I'll be able to send help if you need it."
Bonkers suck the helmet on his head and nodded. He strapped into
an L.A.P.D. Hanglider and jumped off the roof, using an updraft to
carry him into the air. He swung around and picked up a small foam-
based extinguisher before dissappearing into the sunset.
* * *
"NNEEEERRRRRRRR! Rat-at-tat-at-tat! BEWGH!" Bonkers swooped down
close to street level and rapid-fired fire extinguisher foam at the
growing imp machine gun style. The imp flew faster, trying to outrun
Bonkers' hanglider, but it was having no luck. Bonkers was piling the
foam on the imp, and it was slowing down, finally stopping when it was
covered in a mountain of the stuff.
Bonkers flew around the mound of foam happily until it blew apart
revealing an even larger imp.
"What do I haveta do ta put you out!?" Bonkers barely dodged the
imp as it slammed into a popcorn factory.
"Look! Free popcorn!" Mobs of moviegoers in the theatre across the
street from the popcorn factory charged outside and began to scoop up
as much of the stuff as they could.
The imp chucked hysterically and flew off. Bonkers noticed he was
losing the updrafts, so he hooked a huge toon jetpack to his back and
slapped on a rocketeer-like helmet. The Jet thrusters kicked in, and
Bonkers went soaring after the imp.
Inside his helmet, Bonkers watched a small computer display as
he closed in on the imp. It fed him information in small sentences:
Imp 100 feet away.
Imp 50 feet away.
Imp 25 feet away.
Watch out for the building, stupid!!!!
Bonkers smacked into a skyscraper as the imp soared towards the
coast. He rattled for a second as his helmet came out of the
skyscraper wall.
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Somewhere down below, Jitters was busy selling blown glass
sculptures to some ridiculously wealthy clients when Bonkers slammed
into the cover of his cart, bouncing off and falling on top of the
wealthy customer.
"AIE! I'm allergic to cats!" The wealthy lady beat Bonkers over the
head with her purse before leaving. The fire-Imp swung back and rushed
for the cart, reducing it to cinders and scorching Jitters and Bonkers.
"At least my glass sculptures are alright." Jitters held them up to
the light. Bonkers got up groggily and bumbled into him, causing them
to drop to the ground and shatter.
* * *
"Bonkers, this is ridiculous." Eric Skewer looked at the footage of
the "popcorn riots" as they were being called in the press. "At least
you managed to push the imp much closer to the coast."
"Yeah! And we caught a dangerous criminal!" Bonkers pointed to the
picture of the cops hauling Burger Beagle away as he was swallowing his
twelfth ton of popcorn.
Miranda walked in with some sattelite photos. "This Imp's got to be
about 40 feet tall by now! I don't think the coast'll stop it, Captain."
Skewer shook his head. "Water and fire don't mix."
Miranda frowned. "We hit it with every kind of fire extinguisher
we have! It just slowed it down!"
Bonkers had whipped out his magnifying glass and he pointed it at
Skewer. "Curiouser and Curiouser."
Skewer raised an eyebrow. "What?"
Bonkers shrugged. "Dunno. But you've been acting awful strange
lately..." He shaped his face into a bad Yoda imitation. "You must go to
the coast, my son... may the force be with you."
"I have my reasons, officers."
"Not good enough, sir. LA's being wrecked while we steer this thing
to the coast. Heads are gonna roll."
Bonkers turned white. "You mean they'll use the guillotine on the
Imp!?" He paused. "Isn't that cruel and unusual punishment?"
Miranda blinked. "Bonkers-- I think... Captain, you're trying to
get yourself fired, aren't you?"
Skewer frowned. "Outguessed by an officer in my command.
Unbelievable." He let that sink in. "Wright, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!"
Miranda backed off while Skewer scratched his chin and said, "Hmm...
but not a bad idea, if I didn't value my pension."
While the trio stood talking, Officer Stark ran into the room.
"Guys! I just got word on the scanners! That Imp thing is all the
way to the coast! It's about to jump into the Pacific!"
Bonkers flipped on Skewer's TV and watched as the now 60-foot tall
fire Imp jumped into the water, causing a massive steam burst. When it
cleared, the Imp was nowhere to be seen.
Skewer smiled. "See, officers- I told... " He choked. "I'm a dead
man."
On the screen, the Imp burst out of the water, obviously upset, and
it jumped back onto a skyscraper, setting it ablaze.
Bonkers shuddered. "Uh-oh. Looks like Mr. Impy's decided to stay in
Hollywood after all."
"Okay, so my idea bombed. We all make mistakes."
"You, Captain?"
"Shut up, Bonkers."
Skewer paced up and down the room. Bonkers was drinking some soda out
of one of Jitters' glass sculptures, and Miranda was watching the videos
of the Imp's actions ever since it first showed up. She scribbled
something down on a piece of paper and jumped up. "Got it!"
Bonkers started and dropped the sculpture. "Got what? The final clue
to that crossword puzzle?"
"No, Bonkers! I've got the answer to our trouble! Look at the
evidence!"
"Okay..." Bonkers sat down on Skewer's Cactus again, this time
without pain. Skewer leaned closer to him with a dissatisfied look on
his face, and Bonkers got up briefly to display an iron plate attached
to his bottom that read "ACME Iron Plate- Great for sitting on Cacti".
Miranda ignored this and moved on. "The Imp burns paper, steel,
ice cream cones and toupees with no trouble, but it bounces off of
windows and doesn't even start to melt Jitters' glass sculptures!"
Skewer shook his head. "What if it's just not hot enough?"
"No. I saw it melt sand into glass. That's plenty hot enough. But
once it did that, it couldn't melt that glass."
Skewer shook his head again. "But... why can it burn everything
but glass?"
Miranda shrugged. "Dunno. It's magical, so maybe glass has some
kind of effect on it. Anyway, remember, it came from the desert. If
it was buried, maybe it couldn't burn it's way out, because..."
"Because of the X-factor?!" Bonkers was jumping up and down. Skewer
opened up a drawer and pulled out a toon mallet. He smashed Bonkers
with it almost as an afterthought and calmly put it away before
completing Miranda's sentence. "... because it would have turned the
sand into glass, which it could not penetrate. Then, the quake we had
a while back would have simply cracked the glass- correct, officer?"
"My thoughts exactly." Miranda watched as Bonkers popped back into
shape. "So now, partner, you and I have to get Mr. Imp into a bottle."
"Orr intu thu deshert, wichefur cumfs phirst..." Bonkers was still
dizzy.
* * *
Downtown L.A. was going nuts as fire trucks roared through the
city. It was late at night, but the firelight from the Imp was now
lighting the city up as if it was late afternoon. Bonkers and Miranda
were on the roof of the 34th Precinct, looking through binoculars at
the gigantic Imp. Bonkers whistled.
"Gee, Miranda. I don't think we can fit this guy in a bottle
anymore."
-(] End Of Act Two [)-
-(] Act Three [)-
Miranda nodded. "We'll have to get him back to the desert."
Bonkers did a take. "You mean we have to steer him BACK!?"
"Don't worry, Bonkers. We've got two things going for us."
"What?"
"Well, remember Von Drake's book? That Imp hates Genies! He'd
be sure to go after one."
Bonkers laughed. "And where are we gonna find a Genie? Heheh-
Why're you lookin' at me like that?"
Miranda pulled Bonkers' hat over his head playfully. "Mr. Imp
already thinks you're a Genie."
"Ok, Okay..." Bonkers shrugged. "This oughta be fun. Not."
* * *
The Fire-Imp was setting City Hall on fire, and Bonkers ran
up to the base of the building with a megaphone.
"Hey....YOU! Up there, on the roof!"
The Fire-Imp looked around for a second, realized Bonkers was
in fact talking to him, and he swooped down in front of Bonkers,
who was beginning to sweat from the heat.
"YEAH, I'M TALKIN' TA YOU!" Bonkers still spoke through the
bullhorn, and the Imp backed up, slightly deafened. He replied
in a deep, evil voice.
"And what do you want, Genie?" He said the last word with
more than a hint of menace.
Bonkers gulped. "Umm... well, my master says I haveta, umm...
smite you and stuff, so umm... well, err... we-haveta-go-fight-in
the-desert-that-is-if-you're-notacowardandumm...BYE!" Bonkers shot
off at warp speed to the desert, fear getting the best of him.
"A COWARD?!" The Imp raised itself up and began to roar towards
Bonkers. "No GENIE calls me a COWARD!"
Bonkers, still on foot, was being gained on fast by the Imp, but
Miranda snatched him inside her Squad Car as she passed by.
"Got him mad, huh Bonkers?" Miranda smiled.
"Yeah... couldya step on it, Miranda?"
* * *
The Imp watched as the tiny car raced through the streets, into
and out of the suburbs and rural areas, and finally back into the
desert from which it had come. Eventually the car stopped, and the
Genie and a human emerged from it.
"I will destroy that Genie!" The Imp hurled bolts of fire at
Bonkers, who dodged them. The impact of the flames instantly turned
the sand to glass.
Bonkers slipped on one of the patches of glass, and slammed into
a cactus. He was still stuck in it when the Imp fried it with a
superhot blast.
Hot beyond belief, Bonkers shot into the air yelping. He saw the
giant Imp below him, ready to fry Miranda, when his brain hit on a
plan. Pulling out some clothes from thin air, Bonkers spun around, and
when he landed on a patch of glass he was wearing a Mighty Ducks
costume, complete with Ice skates, hockey stick and puck.
The Imp spun around and looked at Bonkers curiously. "What are you
this time, Genie?"
Bonkers spat out a tooth. "I'm yer werst nightmare." He leaned on
his hockey stick, which was beginning to slide slightly.
"Let's make a little bet, shall we? I will challenge you to a game
of glass hockey- if I win, you let me shove you in a really big hole
for the rest of eternity."
"AND IF I WIN?" The Imp was now floating over the glass.
"Umm... free soda for everybody?" Bonkers was tipping over.
"Close. Total freedom to lay waste to Earth."
"Sounds cool." The stick slipped completely, and Bonkers fell down.
"Bonkers!" Miranda ran over to him. "You can't just bargain away
THE WHOLE PLANET!"
Bonkers shrugged. "Who's Bargaining? This a GAME, Miranda! A BET!
A Horrible mismatch... oh boy... shouldn'ta bet the planet, huh?"
Miranda nodded sternly.
"Oh well. What's done is done." Bonkers took the stick and traced
out a Hockey court.
"If you would, my good Imp...?"
The Imp flew back and blasted the sand, creating a perfect glass
Hockey rink in the middle of the desert.
Bonkers tossed a duplicate of his outfit to the imp.
The 60 foot imp looked at the tiny shirt and frowned. "It's too
small!"
Bonkers shrugged. "Then you shouldn't have eaten that Kindling this
morning, Mister man! Either put on the regulation gear or forfeit the
game."
The Imp winced and sucked in his gut until he was small enough to
fit in the uniform, which burned up immediately. The imp struggled to
hold his position while Bonkers gave him a flame-retardant copy.
"Heeheh... sorry about the slipup, Impy. Let's play some hockey."
Miranda was in the unenviable position of being the referee. She
dropped the puck in the center of the rink and yelled, "Face off!"
Almost immediately the Imp singed Bonkers' feet, and while he
pranced around trying to cool them, he scored a goal.
"Unfair edge!" Bonkers yelled. "He's got really hot moves, Miranda!"
Miranda sighed. "Well, how can we even the odds?"
Bonkers grinned. He whipped out a scissors, squeezed himself in a
ball, and cut himself up like paper. He then stuck out a hand.
"Miranda-- pull my ear!"
Miranda pulled Bonkers' ear, and he unfolded into a dozen thin
copies of himself. He then snapped apart, and the 12 Bobcats took up
positions around the rink.
The next few minutes saw a fast and furious match of hockey, with
Bonkers and his clones actually managing to score a lot of goals.
Finally, Miranda got in the center of the rink and signaled a stop.
"Okay. It's the final minute of the third period. You guys are tied
three to three. I don't- I mean I REALLY don't want to have to go
through overtime, so somebody score already!"
Bonkers looked the Imp straight in the eye. The Imp raised his
stick and got ready to attack the puck. Before Bonkers could blink, the
puck was flying to his goal!
The next few seconds were in slow motion as Bonkers and his clones
made for the puck. He slipped on the ice, and skidded towards his goal
uncontrollably. He grabbed for the frame of the goal, and swung inside
just in time to see the puck fly at him. His jaw dropped in horror.
His arms were lead- there was no way to block the shot... then he backed
up and a cactus needle from Skewer's plant dug deeper into him. He
jumped reflexively, and the puck smashed into his open mouth.
Bonkers crashed to the glass, and a tooth fell out. The puck rolled
out of his mouth and safely away from the goal. One of his clones
slapshotted it through the imp and into his goal. The buzzer rang.
"Bonkers is the winner!" Miranda helped him up.
"NEVER!" The Imp burned some more sand into glass daggers and began
to hurl them at Bonkers. He lifted up one end of the rink and began to
heat it. He could only make it slightly soft, but enough to curl it
into a dangerous wave of glass.
"I will crush you with this glass wave!"
Bonkers looked at this in terror, and then a toon light bulb came
up over his head. He scrambled up the inside of the wave of glass,
shielded from the Imp-fire, and the Imp swung around to the other side
of the glass and cornered Bonkers under the wave. Bonkers then
whistled, and his clones jumped on top of the wave with toon
blowtorches.
The clones began to melt the glass, and the wave began to descend on
the Imp, who was shrinking away from the molten glass. Bonkers slipped
sideways and got clear of the wave. Before the Imp could slip out from
the now tube-like glass formation, the clones sealed the sides of it
and then jumped back to Bonkers, dissappearing as they touched him.
By this time the Imp was trapped in a very large glass bottle,
and Bonkers melted it a bit more to make it and the Imp smaller.
Miranda looked at the now tennis ball sized glass globe with the
Imp in it. "What do we do with it now, Bonkers? Give it to Grating as
a paperweight?"
Bonkers shrugged, and all of a sudden, the whole thing dissappeared.
Miranda blinked. "Oh great. It's gone. Well, who's going to explain
this one to Skewer?"
"You are."
"No, YOU are."
"You!"
"Why me? You trapped it!"
FADE OUT... FADE IN
(Subtitle appears: "Agrabah- a few hundred years ago")
(removed after a second or two)
The Genie burst out of his lamp. "Al! I found the Imp! It suddenly
showed up on my scanners!" He morphed into Spock. "I have the
spacetime co-ordinates now, Captain." He morphed into Scotty. "I'll
beam 'im and bottle 'im, sir!"
In Genie's hand, the Imp appeared in a glass ball. Genie morphed
into Sherlock Holmes. "Hmm... interesting. Someone has already bottled
the Imp. That is why I could find him... his power was once again
contained. But far in the future, where the information on stopping
this imp is not available...hmmm... indubitably clever."
Aladdin grinned. "Wonder where whoever did it found out how?"
Genie morphed into Sheerluck Bonkers. "Elementary School, my dear
Al. Elementary School."
-(] The End [)-