BONKERS!: THE NEW ADVENTURES
"THE COLOR OF FUNNY"
CHARACTERS (C) WALT DISNEY STUDIOS/WARNER STUDIOS -USED WITHOUT PERMISSION
STORY BY SUSHIL RUDRANATH
FOR PRIVATE USE ONLY - NOT ENDORSED BY DISNEY
FOR NONCOMMERCIAL USE ONLY
DON'T SUE ME I'M A NICE GUY
(AND I STAY TRUE TO THE CHARACTERS!)
DISTRIBUTE FREELY SO LONG AS NO CHANGES ARE MADE AND THIS
NOTICE REMAINS INTACT
I LIKE DISCLAIMERS!
NOTE: THIS STORY TAKES PLACE ONE WEEK AFTER THE FINAL BONKERS STORY IN THE
TV CONTINUITY, "THE STORK EXCHANGE", AND IT WILL MARK THE BEGINNING OF A
CONTINUITY SIMILAR TO THAT OF DOCTOR WHO: THE NEW ADVENTURES.
ACT ONE
EXT. HOLLYWOOD- Night
FADE IN
EST. LONG SHOT of the city- ZOOM IN on HOLLYWOOD OUTDOOR AMPITHEATRE
where a POLICE BENEFIT CONCERT is being setup ON STAGE.
CUT TO:
CLUSTER OF SEATS slowly filling up with HUMANS- CONTINUOUS
BONKERS and MIRANDA (both in formal attire) are WALKING towards their
seats which are in an open-air configuration.
BONKERS
You're gonna love this concert, Miranda! Chief Kanifky asked
ME to organize it. Neat, huh?
MIRANDA- Smiles.
MIRANDA
Bonkers, what do you know about arranging concerts?
BONKERS
What's to know? Ya just hire an orchestra, get a hall, buy lotsa anvils
and then sell the tickets for three times their actual value.
MIRANDA- is perplexed.
MIRANDA
Anvils? What would you need anvils for at a musical concert?
BONKERS
(shocked)
What would a concert be WITHOUT anvils? (sotto) Really, Miranda. You need
to get some cultural exposure.
WIDER- MIRANDA and BONKERS are now STANDING in front of a block of SEATS
which are roped off, with a sign reading "Humans and TAP". The block of seats
is almost full, interspersed within audience are CHIEF KANIFKY, THE MAYOR,
JITTERS and an irritated SGT. GRATING, all in FORMAL DRESS.
MIRANDA
(confused)
What does TAP mean?
BONKERS
"Toons allergic to Pain". They like to sit with the humans in concerts.
OTS (VO)- PAN TO:
LUDWIG VON DRAKE (on stage)
Vell, hello dere! Heheh, velcome to da third annual Hollywood PD Benefit
Concert, organized dis year by Bonkers D. Bobcat!
DEAD SILENCE. A cricket chirps.
(nervously) Vell den, let's get on vit it. Could you all please take your
seats?
OTS- CHORUS from Toon section - WHERE SHOULD WE TAKE THEM?
PAN to MIRANDA and BONKERS, taking seats next to CHIEF KANIFKY, who turns
to face BONKERS.
KANIFKY
Well, Bonkers, I'd like to thank you for setting up this fishing festival!
Wonderful job, man! Wonderful job!
MIRANDA
Uhh, sir... this is a concert.
KANIFKY
Did I miss the festival? DRAT! So what am I doing here?
BONKERS
Giving the opening speech? (points OTS to stage, hands Kanifky a paper)
TRACK KANIFKY as he bumbles through the aisles, bumping into various toons
and humans as he goes ON STAGE.
CUT TO GRATING as KANIFKY delivers meaningless babble OTS, ending in slight
applause from MIRANDA & BONKERS- who whistles loudly, yelling "YEAH, CHIEF!"
GRATING
(sotto)
Great. Just great. Stuck in a tiny chair, eating horrible food, surrounded by
a hundred toons in a concert run by Bonkers. Somebody just shoot me.
BONKERS (to MIRANDA)
Just look at the Sarge! He just loves it here!
MIRANDA
Ssh. The concert's starting.
DARKNESS. CUT to STAGE, which is dimly lit. The orchestra rises out of the
pit, and is illuminated to reveal THE BULLY BOYS in formal attire, with
standard RUBBER ROOM musical equiptment.
MIRANDA-OTS (VO)
(shocked)
You got the BULLY BOYS to be the orchestra?!
BONKERS-OTS (VO)
(grinning)
Wait 'till you see who the conductor is!
BULLFINCH
And now... our very special guest conductors, from Disney AND
Warner Bros. Studios... Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny!
BONKERS-OTS
Am I good, or what? They said it couldn't be done!
CUT TO:
MIRANDA
(Concerned)
Do you realize the security risks of having the two most famous toons in the
world at the same place at the same time?
BONKERS
Lighten UP, Miranda! This is a POLICE benefit, remember? Who would be dumb
enough to try an' pull anything here?
CUT TO STAGE:
MICKEY and BUGS arrive onstage seperately, on opposite sides. A HUSH falls
over the crowd as they face one another and bow.
BUGS (to MICKEY, excessively formal)
Are the anvils ready?
MICKEY (also excessively formal)
The anvils are ready.
VO- ANNOUNCER:
And now, Mickey and Bugs will perform the classic 1812 Overture
in P Major.
MIRANDA
(whispering- VO)
P Major?
BONKERS- VO
P for Pain. Just watch.
The BULLY BOYS tune up their drum set, which sounds suspiciously like a full
blown orchestra. BUGS and MICKEY flourish, turning away from one another and
then swinging back to face the BULLY BOYS. Conducting style is classic Warner
Bros, which much contortion on the part of BUGS and a FANTASIA like movement
on the part of MICKEY.
PULL BACK to show full AUDIENCE, divided into TOONS only on the left, mostly
HUMANS and a few TOONS on the right. BONKERS is pointing at the TOON area and
nudging MIRANDA. With each CYMBAL CLASH, an ANVIL FALLS! into the TOON
area Warner Style.
PUSH IN to MIRANDA and BONKERS in the HUMAN Area.
MIRANDA
Now I understand the P Major bit. But, isn't it dangerous to have anvils
dropping around humans?
BONKERS
Naww. Nobody's gonna drop anvils in the HUMAN section. That'd be goofy.
ZIP to area above AUDIENCE. Show GOOFY dropping anvils as WILEY COYOTE
pushes them over to him. ZIP back to MIRANDA and BONKERS, as SGT. GRATING
pushes over to them, stepping on many feet along the way. His dress shirt
has MUSTARD all over it.
GRATING
(Angrily- to Bonkers)
You stupid toon! The MAYOR's here! The CHIEF of POLICE is here! Do you know
what would happen if either of them got hit with one of those anvils?!
BONKERS
(cheerfully)
Well, if the MAYOR got hit, Chief Kanifky would make good on his plans to
run fer office, you'd get promoted, and I'd be your assistant. If Chief
Kanifky got hit, you'd get pro-
PULL AWAY just enough to show GRATING SQUEEZING BONKERS' THROAT WITH ONE
HAND! MIRANDA manages to push between the two, and BONKERS OUT OF SHOT.
CLOSER ON GRATING AND MIRANDA
MIRANDA
With all due respect, sir-- no one's gonna get hit in this section.
OTS- MFX gets louder, and we ZIP to the TOON section, where anvils are
falling on anvils. The music is running through the final movement when
an ANVIL CRASHES in the HUMAN SECTION!
SFX-
PULL BACK to show a large DUSTCLOUD, as the music screeches to a halt.
As the DUST settles, GRATING glares at MIRANDA and picks up BONKERS, growling.
GRATING
So, BOBCAT! An anvil wouldn't fall here, huh? I oughta-
MIRANDA
(hastily)
Sir, I think someone's been crushed! (points to a HAND
sticking out from under the anvil (note: the hand has FOUR fingers, but this
is not noticed amidst the chaos))
GRATING
Bobcat, I'm going to have your head for-
OTS (VO) "Hey, where are Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny?"
ZIP PAN to AMPITHEATRE, where two pieces of paper occupy the former positions
of MICKEY and BUGS.
Officers DENNIS and STARK, as well as several GENERIC officers rush up to
the stage, almost abandoning the anvil crash site. All eyes are on the
STAGE.
BONKERS (turning back to seats)
Hey. Whaddya know. The Chief and the Mayor are gone.
(does a TAKE- AWOOGAH)
THE CHIEF AND THE MAYOR ARE GONE!
MIRANDA- leans down and picks up some papers.
MIRANDA
These are ransom notes.
RUNNING IN FROM OTS-
STARK
So are these. (Hands over papers from stage)
GRATING
Lemme see those. (snatches them away)
Same handwriting. "I want $2,000,000,000 in unmarked bills in 48 hours
or two days, whichever comes first- or the Chief, the Mayor, Bugs, Mickey
and Numero Uno gets it."
STARK gets a walkie talkie message and moves OTS.
MIRANDA
Who's Numero Uno?
GRATING
Got me, Officer. ( TIGHT ON FACE-looks down, growls) GET OFFA ME!
BONKERS
Sorry, Sarge- but that ransom note seems awful familiar-like.
MIRANDA
You're right Bonkers, it does....
ZIP to anvil impact site, where a crane has removed the giant anvil,
revealing a FLATTENED JITTERS.
JITTERS
I hate concerts.
OFFICERS DENNIS and STARK arrive, with GOOFY in handcuffs.
BONKERS
What're you guys doing!? This is GOOFY, star of stage, screen, and the
occassional sporting goods commercial. He's an idol to MILLIONS!
DENNIS
Sorry, Bonkers- but fingerprinting does show he was the toon who dropped the
anvil that fell in the human section. We figure he was an accomplice.
MIRANDA
Wait... Goofy wears gloves!
STARK
Doesn't matter. We found these on the anvil. (presents a card. Two prints
leap off and 'hyuk' in classic Goofy fashion.) We have to take him in.
GRATING
Allright. Let's get this thing under control here. Dennis, Stark- I'm in
charge of this investigation, so-
OTS- (VO) I'm afraid not, Sergeant. This is a Federal matter now. The
President's involved.
BONKERS- left ear perks up and points OS.
BONKERS
Lucky?
(He turns and does a TAKE)
LUCKY!
TRACK Bonkers as he runs OTS and slams into LUCKY PIQUEL, in standard FBI
regalia, as fat as ever.
LUCKY
(TIGHT ON FACE)
Hi, Bonkers. I'm glad to see you too. Get off my foot. Stop- YOU'RE RIPPING
THE FABRIC! (PULL BACK to see Bonkers clinging to Lucky's leg) Last week
the President was kidnapped. We've tracked the kidnapper to Hollywood, and
reports had him sighted here tonight. We're trying to keep it low-profile
as most of the American Public still thinks the President's on a vacation
on Martha's Vineyard.
BONKERS
Gotta love those grapes! Sososo... are we gonna do really neat cool FBI-like
things to solve this case, huh Boss? Are we gonna have some fun?
LUCKY
(sotto, to himself)
Hehehfun... he thinks we're gonna have fun... oh brother.
(normal, to Bonkers)
Heh- umm, sorry, pal, but I already have a PARTNER, remember? And so do you.
BONKERS
Who's your partner? That Tolson guy you saved, sucked up to and got a job and
a promotion from?
LUCKY
(sotto)
I wish. (Steps aside, revealing-)
FALLAPART RABBIT (in FBI gear)
Hey ho, Bonkers!
BONKERS
(In awe)
Hey, Fallapart! You're in the FBI?
FALLAPART
No, no. Hahaha- Just the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
MIRANDA (to LUCKY, sotto)
How'd he get in the FBI?
LUCKY (sotto, depressed)
He followed me into FBI Headquarters and wouldn't leave.
The director thought an agent who could be dissasembled for
easy transport was a good idea, so Fallapart became the first
toon in the FBI. As you can see, he's living up to his title.
FALLAPART- smiles stupidly and falls apart.
GRATING
Can we get back to reality here? If Agent Pickle-
LUCKY
Piquel! PiQUEL! I keep having to tell you that, _Francis_!
MIRANDA
(Smiling)
You two have a history?
GRATING
(Very annoyed)
I don't wanna talk about it! Can we please get
back to some police work here?
EST. HOLLYWOOD- DAY
CUT TO INT. HOLLYWOOD P.D. HQ, SGT. GRATING'S OFFICE, where a small PRESS
CONFERENCE is taking place.
TOM DRIBBLE
Sgt. Grating, is it true the FBI has taken over the
investigation? Is it true that one of your officers, Bonkers D. Bobcat, was
the one who set up the concert? Could he be implicated in this crime?
GRATING
(sotto)
I wish.
(Full voice)
Officer Bobcat was with the rest of our officers at the time of the
accident, and he is involved in our end of the investigation. Agents PICKLE
and Rabbit are offering us assistance in this matter.
LUCKY (stepping in and enjoying it)
What FRANCIS here means to say is that the FBI's top priority is to find
and recover the President, referred to as 'Numero Uno' in the ransom notes.
The search for the others will be carried on by Hollywood P.D.
FEMALE REPORTER
Isn't it true, Agent Piquel, that 5 years ago, you and Sgt. Grating were
on the same be-
LUCKY
(hastily)
That has nothing to do with the case at hand, ma'am.
TOM DRIBBLE
Sgt. Grating, rumor has it that a suspect has already been arrested in
connection with the kidnappings?
FALLAPART walks in from OTS, eating Chili Peppers from a red tin, stepping
in front of GRATING.
BONKERS does a TAKE and runs up in front of GRATING as well, hysterical.
REPORTERS all lean in closer, but there is no need as Bonkers is YELLING!
BONKERS
FALLAPART! Where'd you get that can of chili peppers?
FALLAPART
Outside. It came addressed to an 'Agent Piquel', so I thought I'd give it to
Lucky so he could find this guy. (eats a chili) Mmm-Mmmm Dee-licious, ya!
BONKERS snatches the can and puts it up to his ear. A TICKING noise can be
heard.
BONKERS
(weakly)
It's a bomb.
REPORTERS back away, but GRATING yanks away the can and listens to it.
GRATING
It's not a BOMB, you jerk! You must've heard your watch ticking!
BONKERS looks at his wrist, sees the ticking watch, and grins sheepishly,
then does a TAKE.
BONKERS
MY WATCH IS A BOMB!
MIRANDA appears from OS and drags Bonkers OUT OF SHOT as GRATING growls.
LUCKY
(sotto)
Some things never change.
ON DOOR- A man who has apparently been standing there steps forward. He is
bald, and wears sunglasses. He is also popping a breathmint in his mouth.
He also has reddish stubble.
JACKSON
I'm Mark Jackson, from S.A.P.S.- Spelunkers Against Police Stupidity, and
I'd like to note that this is just the sort of foolish behavior that has
prompted us to begin a citizen's investigation into this affair.
JACKSON walks in front of clearly annoyed GRATING.
As of today, we are demanding a part in the ongoing police investigation,
so that we can assure the public that appropriate measures are being taken
to find the missing people and toons.
GRATING
Hold it! Wait a second here! There ain't no way I'm gonna let a bunch of
_Spelunkers_ get in the way of a POLICE investigation!
LUCKY
(sotto, to Grating)
Calm down, FRANCIS. That's no way to act in front of the press! Let me show
you how the _FBI_ handles these types.
LUCKY walks over to JACKSON, and slowly ushers him to the hallway door.
Hey Mr. SAP or whatever your name is, the FBI would be happy to have you
on our team. (pushes him out door) Wait here, and someone will be with you
in a few short minutes. (Closes door and locks it.) (sotto) Heheh...
spelunkers. Only in Hollywood.
CUT TO FAR END OF HALLWAY, JACKSON is in the background, while MIRANDA is
seen lecturing to BONKERS. She walks towards camera and OS, obviously done,
and BONKERS walks towards JACKSON, who has popped in another breathmint.
BONKERS
Hey, mister. Whatchya doin'?
JACKSON
Waiting for some help.
BONKERS (proudly)
Well look no further! Officer BONKERS D. BOBCAT, ready and able! Willing to
Serve, and all that! I'll help you! (to camera ala groucho) Although some
people say *I* need the help. (normal, whimsical) But they don't know what
they're talking about. (stares at JACKSON) Say, don't I know you?
JACKSON
Ever been to Alaska?
BONKERS
No.
JACKSON
Neither have I.
BONKERS
Well, that explains it, then! Now, what can I do for ya?
CUT TO:
EXT. Steps in front of POLICE HEADQUARTERS- BONKERS is carrying a large box
of SPRINGS, CLOCKS and WIRES to a CAR parked in front of the building.
JACKSON follows, smiling.
JACKSON
Just put them in the trunk.
BONKERS
Whaddya need all this stuff for?
(dumps BOX in trunk of car)
JACKSON
Just some stuff for... a hobby of mine.
(shoves Bonkers slowly to front of car)
Come on, we have to investigate the scene of the crime!
PULL BACK to reveal CAR moving OS.
CUT TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
GRATING and GOOFY- Sgt. Grating is trying to interrogate GOOFY. LUCKY,
FALLAPART and MIRANDA stand in the background, watching.
GRATING
Who was yer accomplice? SPILL IT, TOON!
GOOFY
Gawrsh. I had an accomplice?
GRATING
So you acted alone?
GOOFY
(confused)
I guess so.
GRATING- Smiles. He sees success coming closer.
GRATING
Tell me where the hostages are, and I'll go easy on ya.
GOOFY
What hostages?
GRATING
(slaps his head)
Let's start over. Look. Ya dropped the anvil on that Jitters guy, and
distracted us long enough for Mickey and Bugs to get kidnapped. Then the
Chief and the others get taken. Why'd you do it?
GOOFY
(amused)
Well, shucks! I was paid to drop thu anvils!
GRATING
(rubs hands in anticipation)
Who? Who paid you to drop thu- Grr.. THE anvils?
GOOFY
(Tight on him)
Bonkers- HehehuhuHyuk!
ZOOM IN on LUCKY and MIRANDA
(both)
BONKERS?!
MIRANDA
Wait a second. Of course Bonkers paid him. Bonkers arranged the concert!
GRATING (VO)
Stupid TOONS!
PAN from LUCKY and MIRANDA to GRATING and GOOFY. Stop PAN and PUSH IN on
GOOFY.
GRATING (VO)
Well, Goofy- maybe a few days in JAIL'll
convince you to talk!
DENNIS and STARK walk in from OS with cuffs.
GOOFY
(worried)
Gawrsh.
AS DENNIS and STARK carry GOOFY OTS, GRATING EXITS in the opposite direction
smiling as he brushes past LUCKY and MIRANDA. LUCKY shoots him a look, and
GRATING smirks as he dissapears OS.
MIRANDA
What happened between you and Grating?
LUCKY
(hurriedly)
Nothing important. Have you seen Bonkers?
MIRANDA
Actually, no. I told him to stay out of Grating's way.
LUCKY
(mock gravity)
Well, this could be serious. (turns to FALLAPART)
Fallapart, go find Bonkers. Don't come back until you've found him.
FALLAPART
Oh Boy Oh Boy! A tracking job! I'll get right on it, Lucky!
(pauses)
Who am I looking for again?
LUCKY
(angrily)
BONKERS! You're LOOKING FOR BONKERS!
FALLAPART
BONKERS? He's MISSING? Ewww... We better get somebody to find him!
LUCKY looks up hopelessly.
LUCKY
(sotto)
Toons.
(full voice)
Well, Fallapart? What are you waiting for? Go find him, buddy!
(Shoves FALLAPART OS)
MIRANDA watches FALLAPART leave, looks down, does a TAKE and nudges LUCKY.
LUCKY picks something up from the ground and RUSHES to the DOOR.
PUSH IN on LUCKY.
LUCKY
(yelling)
Fallapart! Come back! You forgot your TAIL!
(turns to Miranda, sotto)
Does this all the time.
(sotto)
Maybe I should GLUE it on him.
TIGHT on LUCKY, MATCH DISSOLVE to HOLLYWOOD OUTDOOR AMPITHEATRE.
(REUSE background from GOOFY and WILEY COYOTE scene)
LUCKY and MIRANDA are investigating the area.
LUCKY
Last night you said that the ransom notes sounded familiar, somehow?
MIRANDA
(thinks)
Yeah... from a long time ago.
LUCKY- Pulls out note and re-reads it.
LUCKY
It's coming back to me... this was back when I was on the force.
(gestalt)
The case that got me my promotion! Fireball Frank!
MIRANDA
I remember now.
That would explain why Bonkers freaked out about the chili pepper can!
LUCKY
Oh, great. He knew it all along. And I didn't listen to him- again.
I hate it when that happens.
MIRANDA- is dismayed.
MIRANDA
You don't suppose he's gone to look for Fireball, do you?
LUCKY
(confidently)
We have nothing to worry about. Fallapart's looking for him right now.
MIRANDA smiles, then looks incredulously at LUCKY just as reality hits him,
too.
MIRANDA and LUCKY start heading OTS.
CUT TO JACKSON and BONKERS, who are still near Jackson's CAR.
JACKSON
So... do you have any idea who dropped the anvil on that toon?
BONKERS
The Sarge says it was Goofy, I don't think so.
Do you think so?
JACKSON
I'm sure it was.
(pops in a breath mint)
BONKERS
How can you accuse Goofy, one of the most beloved toons in all
of history of being a criminal?
QUICK SHOT of LUCKY and MIRANDA running towards camera. BONKERS in foreground
is pushed into car by JACKSON.
JACKSON
Goofy pushed the anvil-- because I pushed Goofy!
(piles into car!)
LUCKY
(exhausted from running)
That spelunker guy's got Bonkers!
The CAR RUSHES at MIRANDA and LUCKY! As they move away from it, JACKSON
sticks his head out and yells (in a different, gruffer voice):
YOU'RE NEXT, PIQUEL!
As the car SPEEDS into the difference, MIRANDA turns to LUCKY.
TIGHT ON MIRANDA
MIRANDA
(distraught)
Did you hear that voice? That's FIREBALL FRANK!
FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN- SGT. GRATING'S OFFICE
LUCKY and MIRANDA are standing in front of GRATING's desk.
A WINDOW WASHER is seen in the window behind Grating. He will continue to
work throughout the future scenes that take place in the office, occasionally
drawing a stupid face or a picture in the soapsuds as he works.
GRATING
(scowling, irritated)
Lemme get this straight- you two LOST Bobcat when Fireball FRANK
shoved him in a car and drove off?
LUCKY
(nods his head)
And he said he's coming after me next.
This is obviously revenge for the last time I busted him.
GRATING
(sotto)
Don't remind me.
(full voice)
So, now this maniac has got The President, The Mayor,
Chief Kanifky, Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse AND Bonkers... and
we've only got 24 hours to meet his demands.
LUCKY
The Government won't pay. We've got to find Frank before then.
MIRANDA
We're running a make on his car now.
BADGE WIPE TO:
EXT: LARGE BRICK APARTMENT BUILDING, in disrepair.
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT- CONTINUOUS
There is a large circular TABLE here, around which CHIEF KANIFKY, THE MAYOR,
BUGS BUNNY, MICKEY MOUSE and BILL CLINTON are tied up and gagged. There is
a succulent banquet on the table in front of them, whose aroma visibly wafts
up to their noses. It is making everyone hungry, and they are fidgeting as
their bonds prevent them from getting at it.
ON THE DOOR: FIREBALL FRANK it OPEN and BONKERS inside.
BONKERS OS.
TIGHT ON FIREBALL FRANK
FIREBALL FRANK
Hope you like it here with your friends, Bobcat!
(moves in closer with rope, presumably to tie up Bonkers, when
a doorbell is heard coming from somewhere below)
(SFX: Doorbell)
Stay there while I answer this. (CLOSES DOOR and moves OS)
BONKERS stands patiently in place until the AROMA of the BANQUET WAFTS into
his nose (SFX: great sucking sound as he inhales) and he JUMPS onto the TABLE
GOBBLING up as much of the food as he can, oblivious to the fact that his
tied up comrades are there. Several beats later, he pats his gut (which
is as if he swallowed a pillow) and BURPS (protracted)
PAN across KANIFKY, THE MAYOR, BUGS, MICKEY and THE PRESIDENT, displaying
their reactions of disgust. STOP PAN on BONKERS, who WADDLES off the table,
and onto KANIFKY'S lap. He then unties KANIFKY's gag.
KANIFKY
Good job, Bonkers!
(sotto, confidential)
Though you could have left some of the food for me.
PAN to THE MAYOR, who is making pathetic noises through his gag.
MAYOR
(muffled)
GET ME OUT OF THIS!
BONKERS
(wags finger scoldingly)
Now, now, Mr. Mayor! Didn't your mother ever teach you not
to speak with filthy, grimy, germ-ridden gags in your mouth?!
(tries to undo knot on gag, but it's hard)
(sotto)
Hmm... must be a triple sheep-shank dog's leg bow-wow meow knot.
BONKERS on the gag, causing THE MAYOR'S EYES TO BULGE!
BONKERS
("Sheerluck Bonkers" voice)
Do not fear, Mister MAYOR! I have yet another twist to try.
CUT TO:
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING- LATE AFTERNOON
FIREBALL FRANK and FALLAPART RABBIT are talking.
FIREBALL FRANK
Let me get this straight. You're looking for someone, but you
don't remember who he is or what he looks like?
FALLAPART
Duh-yeah! I only remember his name- Fallapart!
FIREBALL FRANK
I thought you said your name was Fallapart.
FALLAPART
(shocked)
I was looking for ME? Wow! That means I found me all along- even before I
was even looking! Nehah- Wait a second. Am I orange?
FIREBALL FRANK
Nope. But I've got an orange hostage.
FALLAPART
I knew an orange hostage once. All the other hostages made fun of it and it
ran away. Those hostages could sure run fast! And they kicked real hard.
Had trouble flying, too. Spat a lot.
FIREBALL FRANK
I think you mean 'ostrich'.
FALLAPART
I do? Wow! What else do I mean?
Does this mean if I look up my picture in the dictionary it'll have more
than just "Stupid, dumb and ignorant" listed there?
FIREBALL FRANK
Look, pal... I'd really love to stay and chat, but I've got the PRESIDENT
upstairs and I have to tie up that bobcat, so can we have this conversation
later?
FALLAPART
'Kay. But how will I be able to reach you?
FIREBALL FRANK
Here's my phone number.
FIREBALL FRANK does a TAKE as he notices the "FBI" emblazoned on Fallapart's
shirt. He GRABS Fallapart by the collar and LIFTS him into the air!
FIREBALL FRANK
Did Piquel send you here to SPY on me? Are you his OTHER toon?
(he looks up and begins to mindlessly complain)
FALLAPART
Other TOON?! Where!?
(Fallapart BREAKS APART and the rest of his limbs attach to his head
as FIREBALL FRANK continues to look up, holding his trunk.)
Fallapart's HEAD, LIMBS and TAIL hook together and waddle off.
CUT TO:
INT. FIREBALL FRANK'S APARTMENT
BONKERS has untied and ungagged all the prisoners.
WIDE SHOT of BONKERS, THE PRESIDENT and BUGS BUNNY.
BONKERS
It's such an honor meeting you, your greatness!
BONKERS passes by the PRESIDENT and SHAKES BUGS' HAND.
BUGS
Ehhh... what's up, Doc?
BONKERS
I love it when you say that!
The MAYOR walks up to BONKERS
MAYOR
Officer Bobcat, can we please get out of here?
ON DOOR: FIREBALL FRANK IN
FIREBALL FRANK
Nobody's going ANYWHERE!
I WANT MY TWO BILLION DOLLARS!
Huhuhuh... the deadline's almost here, and I haven't heard ANYTHING!
FIREBALL FRANK
(checks watch)
Hmm... gotta go kidnap Agent Piquel.
None of you go *anywhere*!
(Runs OUT DOOR and OS)
BONKERS
(anguished)
We have to go help LUCKY!
KANIFKY
PICKLE?! I thought he was dead.
BONKERS
He works for the GOVERNMENT now, remember?
KANIFKY
Same difference. (Quick take at THE PRESIDENT) Err... sorry, sir.
THE PRESIDENT
Pickle... Agent Pickle... oh yes, the FBI agent who writes me every week
begging for a transfer or promotion from his job at the FBI's new "Toon
Division."
KANIFKY- scratches his forehead.
KANIFKY
I had one of those once... wonder what happened to it.
THE PRESIDENT
I couldn't help him. SOMEBODY had to watch over that toon rabbit.
MAYOR
Can we all please GET OUT OF HERE?!
PULL BACK- Everyone moves to the DOOR and OS.
CUT TO:
EST. OTHER SIDE OF DOORWAY/INT. HALLWAY. No one is in sight.
A Hand PULLS AWAY a TOON HOLE and PUTS IT IN A POCKET! (underlit for effect)
STRANGE VOICE
Ahh, Bonkers. Again we meet.
Soon, you and your friends will make me very, very rich.
BADGE WIPE TO:
INT. SGT. GRATING'S OFFICE
GRATING, LUCKY and MIRANDA are looking at a CASHIER'S CHECK for TWO BILLION
DOLLARS drawn not from the U.S. Treasury, but the New York State Treasury.
MIRANDA
Why is this check drawn from the New York State Treasury?
LUCKY
Simple. New York never has enough money to pay for anything. They just keep
declaring bankruptcy and going straight ahead as usual. An Infinite source
of cash.
GRATING
(sarcastically)
Brillant, PICKLE! Whaddya think Fireball's gonna do when he figures out this
check is worth zilch!?
LUCKY
Well, FRANCIS, hopefully this CHECK will buy us enough time to get Bonkers
and everyone else OUT OF DANGER! And remember, my plans ALWAYS work!
GRATING
You gotta be kidding!
LUCKY
Which one of us got promoted first?
Dead silence. GRATING shifts in his chair.
GRATING
Well, at least I'm not saddled with a hairbrained TOON all day!
MIRANDA looks at him and raises an eyebrow.
GRATING buries his head in his hands.
MIRANDA
What's the deal with the two of you? Ever since you met, you've been
at each other's throats!
WAVY DISSOLVE TO:
DOWNTOWN L.A.- NOON, DOUGHNUT STAND
YOUNGER and TRIMMER LUCKY and GRATING in SERGEANT'S UNIFORMS are outside a
SQUAD CAR, walking up to the DOUGHNUT STAND, which is SPARKLING new.
LUCKY (VO)
It was five years ago.
FRANCIS and I were partners on beat patrol, and we had just found a
new doughnut stand.
ACTION: Both men SIT at the COUNTER and take some doughnuts.
GRATING (VO)
PICKLE and I were both newly promoted, and we made a little bet.
ACTION: Both men are now STANDING and posturing, PUFFING OUT Chests and
SUCKING IN gut, trying to look as professional as possible and
pointing at themselves. (Continuous, increasing in absurdity as
the dialouge continues, lots of POINTING to the rank insignia and
collars where bars would be.)
LUCKY (VO)
I bet that FRANCIS wouldn't get promoted before me, and I won when
Chief Kanifky made ME Detective four years later.
GRATING (VO)
Only because that TOON Bobcat saved that
STUPID Duck- whatzisname? Donatello?-
and personally asked for YOU as his partner!
LUCKY (VO)
*I* saved _Donald_ and...
(uncertain)
Kanifky would've promoted me anyway!
(afterthought)
In any case, I busted the park mugger!
WAVY DISSOLVE to scene from "GOING BONKERS" where LUCKY apprehends the
PARK MUGGER.
GRATING (VO)
Only because you tripped on that dumb Bobcat and crushed the
mugger with that GUT of yours!
(sotto)
Stupid, dumb Bobcat. Stupid Toons!
LUCKY (VO)
Hey! Leave my stomach out of this!
CUT TO MIRANDA, who is holding the two apart, as they try to strangle one
another.
MIRANDA
Now I see how this feud got started.
(aside)
and those guts.
(normal)
All of it, over a stupid bet.
DEAD SILENCE. LUCKY retreats to a neutral corner. GRATING relaxes.
LUCKY
Miranda's right. This is stupid. We have to save Bonkers.
GRATING
Can't we just save the whales first?
ON DOOR: FALLAPART walks in haphazardly, more rolling than walking.
LUCKY
(exasperated)
What happened to you?
FALLAPART
I left my heart in San Francisco.
And my spleen.
My liver and kidneys, too.
MIRANDA
What were you doing in San Francisco?
Did you find Bonkers?
FALLAPART
Bonkers! Hoho! That's who I was looking for!
LUCKY
(sotto)
Give me strength.
GRATING
Look, you... you... (notices Fallapart's lack of a trunk)
You... halfuva Rabbit! We've got an EMERGENCY here!
We don't have time for yer stupid TOON GAMES!
FALLAPART
Games?! I love games, especially if they're stupid.
What're we playing?
GRATING
How about... 'strangle that toon'?
MIRANDA
Wait... Fallapart... where did you leave your stomach?
FALLAPART
Some guy with an orange ostrich has it.
MIRANDA
(leaning in)
What guy?
LUCKY
(weakly)
An orange ostrich?
FALLAPART
Yeah... I had an orange ostrich once... but all the other ostric-
GRATING tries to strange FALLAPART, but he just knocks him apart
GRATING
Forget about the ostrich, rabbit! Who has yer gut?
FALLAPART
Some guy. He was real busy too, yeah. Real busy.
And bad breath! Whoo, lemme tell ya!
Really bad breath.
GRATING
(slaps forehead)
This is getting us nowhere.
WIDE SHOT as LUCKY pulls out a walkie talkie and moves OS.
PUSH IN on MIRANDA and FALLAPART
MIRANDA
Wait a sec... ostrich... Fallapart, do you mean 'hostage'?
FALLAPART
Naww... never had one of those.
MIRANDA
(looks up)
Fallapart, where is your stomach?
WIDE: FALLAPART walks over to window and points downward, where a RED PICKUP
has SIDESWIPED a SQUAD CAR and is racing out of sight with LUCKY stuck
in the backseat, his FACE against the glass.
FALLAPART
With the guy who's driving that truck.
GRATING
That's Fireball Frank's truck! How'd Piquel get stuck in there?
FROM OS: A generic COP with a HEADSET on walks in, rubbing his HEAD.
COP
Sarge, I was working at dispatch when some guy knocked me out.
Last thing I heard was him making a call posing as an FBI agent.
GRATING
(Puts his finger on his chin)
Hmm... from what we know, Fireball Frank works alone.
That means if he's out there with Piquel-
there's nobody guarding the Hostages!
(Turns to MIRANDA and FALLAPART)
Wright, you and the... rabbit get to Fireball Frank's hideout first, and
slap the cuffs on him when he arrives.
MIRANDA
Got it, Sarge!
MIRANDA and FALLAPART go through the DOOR and OS.
CLOSER on GRATING.
GRATING
(sotto)
I'll be glad when this thing is over. Too many toons around here.
GOOFY (VO)
Gawrsh. Thanks fer lettun me out, Sergeant.
GRATING LOOKS and something OS, throwing it out the DOOR.
GRATING
Give that to the rabbit that just left!
(sotto)
Left his tail lying around... this is a police station, not a CARTOON!
CUT TO EXT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS.
MIRANDA and FALLAPART head for SQUAD CAR 13, but it is damaged from the
pickup collision. Several TIRES are flat, doors are wrecked, and it is
obviously useless.
MIRANDA
Oh, great! Now we have to get another squad car.
FALLAPART
We can just use my car... Lucky's, really.
Best car in the FBI!
ZIP PAN to a black cruiser that looks just like Lucky's old squadcar in
design, except the broken siren is a single red lamp ala (Hawaii 5-O), and
the star insignia is a tattered FBI eagle. As MIRANDA watches it, a HEADLIGHT
falls out of its socket.
MIRANDA
(sotto)
I guess the government really is cutting costs.
FALLAPART
Yeah. We run on a shoestring budget.
FALLAPART pulls out a SHOESTRING. MIRANDA looks at it, suprised.
FALLAPART
We keep returning these to the shoestore for money.
MIRANDA gets in the driver's side of the car, and FALLAPART hops into the
passenger seat. Without his stomach, his EARS barely peek above the dash.
MIRANDA hits the gas, and the car BACKFIRES.
CUT to INT. CAR (DASH)
FALLAPART flips a switch, under which a sign reads "Siren".
CUT TO EXT. CAR (SIREN)
The SIREN bulb flickers ON and OFF.
(SFX: Antique car horn)
WIDE on the STREET as the CAR drives into the distance.
CUT TO INT. of a DARK, GLOOMY CAVE.
A DARK, MYSTERIOUS FIGURE a TOON HOLE up to the ceiling of the cave!
BONKERS, THE PRESIDENT, THE MAYOR, CHIEF KANIFKY, BUGS and MICKEY fall onto
the cave floor.
DARK FIGURE
(smooth, ominous voice)
Ahh, Bonkers. Welcome to my lair once again.
BONKERS
(Does a TAKE)
That VOICE! That HAIR! Those PENCILS! Can it BE? Is it my arch nemesis and
rival, the foul playing COLLECTOR?
THE COLLECTOR
Arch Nemesis? We only met once. Has your life been THAT boring since our last
encounter?
CHIEF KANIFKY
I'll have you know that Bonkers here is our very own TOON COP!
THE COLLECTOR
No longer the out of work actor, eh? Well, it doesn't matter.
The DARK CAVE becomes a BRIGHTLY LIT CARTOONIST'S STUDIO!
THE COLLECTOR is revealed as his human self in a very bad suit. He runs over
to all the characters on stage, shaking their hands.
THE COLLECTOR
(Excitedly, not ominous)
I've become a DIRECTOR! I produce and direct my own films! And you, Bonkers-
and Mickey Mouse!- and Bugs Bunny! And everyone!, can be the stars of my
newest (and first) production, "Dances with Toons!"
DEAD SILENCE. BONKERS makes a quizzical face and walks up to THE COLLECTOR.
BONKERS
You need help with yer scriptwriting, bud.
THE PRESIDENT and the others are in a huddle. It BREAKS, and they go over to
THE COLLECTOR.
THE PRESIDENT
I'd like to help you, but I've got to, uhh... go improve HEALTH CARE!
THE MAYOR
I'm- I'm going to have to repair all the potholes in the city!
CHIEF KANIFKY
I have to go FISHING! The SEA BASS won't wait for me!
THE MAYOR does a TAKE on CHIEF KANIFKY. BONKERS walks over to THE MAYOR.
BONKERS
Hey! At least his excuse was believable! Geez...
PUSH IN on THE COLLECTOR, BONKERS, BUGS and MICKEY.
CUT TO: THE COLLECTOR
THE COLLECTOR
And what are YOUR excuses?
PAN TO BONKERS, BUGS and MICKEY
BONKERS, BUGS and MICKEY
(arms crossed)
Creative differences.
THE COLLECTOR pulls out two GUNS, one in each hand.
THE COLLECTOR
(ominous)
Perhaps my two friends, SMITH and WESSON, can convince you *otherwise*.
CUT TO: AERIAL SHOT OF SAN FRANCISCO.
THE SQUAD CAR is weaving through the traffic, albeit rather badly. Some
hubcaps are flying off of it, chasing people off the sidewalks.
REAR VIEW OF SQUAD CAR- It grinds to a halt in front of the APARTMENT
BUILDING, as the rear BUMPER falls off.
MIRANDA gets out of the SQUAD CAR, STEERING wheel in her left hand.
MIRANDA
Whew. I didn't think we were gonna make it through that last turn.
ACTION: FALLAPART out of the passenger side window and BREAKS APART.
MIRANDA
Look, Fallapart. I think this belongs to you.
{MIRANDA bends down and picks up object OS which she then hands to FALLAPART.
The object is FALLAPART's trunk.)
ACTION: FALLAPART'S HANDS his trunk and attaches it to his LEGS.
MIRANDA helps reassemble FALLAPART.
FALLAPART
(points OS)
Look! It's Fireball Frank's pickup truck!
MIRANDA
Yeah. Let's go inside this apartment bulding.
I bet that's where he's got Lucky and the others.
FALLAPART
(smugly)
I don't think so.
MIRANDA
(hands on hips, irked)
Fireball's TRUCK is out here. You SAW him here. He's gotta be here.
FALLAPART
(points up, annoyed tone of voice)
I know Fireball Frank doesn't have Lucky inside because Lucky
is falling out of that window, 'kay?
TIGHT on FALLAPART's finger, ZIP PAN UP to LUCKY, who is FALLING towards the
CAMERA and SCREAMING!
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
FADE IN
WIDE SHOT of LUCKY towards a HORRIFIED MIRANDA and a SMUG
FALLAPART.
ACTION: MIRANDA looks FRANTICALLY around her, and does a TAKE on a FIRE
HYDRANT. Quickly, she TURNS ON the hydrant, PICKS UP FALLAPART and RAMS his
mouth onto the HYDRANT.
FALLAPART begins to SWELL rapidly, like a bloated elephant.
ZIP PAN UP to LUCKY
LUCKY
(hurried)
NoNoNONONO!
TRACK LUCKY as he into the water-filled FALLAPART, off of
him safely onto the sidewalk.
FALLAPART out the water, FLOODING the STREET!
FIREBALL FRANK out of the APARTMENT BUILDING door and up to
LUCKY!
FIREBALL FRANK & MIRANDA
(to LUCKY)
Are you all right?
(FIREBALL FRANK past MIRANDA and DUSTS OFF LUCKY's jacket)
FIREBALL FRANK
I'm so sorry, Agent Piquel. That bananna peel must've
fallen on the floor when your toon friend was in there.
LUCKY
(sotto)
Bananna peels- falling out of windows. Great. I've been hanging around
toons so much I'm starting to ACT like them.
(LUCKY )
MIRANDA walks over to FIREBALL, gun drawn and handcuffs out.
MIRANDA
You're under arrest for kidnapping and assault on a Federal Agent!
(She cuffs FIREBALL and is leading him to the SQUAD CAR)
FALLAPART gets in her way and presents a CARD.
FALLAPART
Duh... aren't you going to Mirandize him?
MIRANDA
(Shoves FIREBALL in the car, and pockets the CARD.)
Very funny.
LUCKY
(dryly)
"Mirandize him"... yeah, good one, palameo...
(Turns to MIRANDA)
Only, we got one small problem. Mr. Fireball here has LOST his kidnap
victims. He was going to ask ME to start an "official" investigation.
FIREBALL FRANK (VO)
I want you to find my hostages, Piquel! Then I'll get my revenge on ya!
MIRANDA
You've gotta be kidding.
FALLAPART
Does this mean I'm looking for me again?
CUT TO INT. THE COLLECTOR'S CARTOON CAVE, where BONKERS et al. are being
forced to WATCH extremely well animated (preferably COMPUTER GENERATED)
TOON FILMS on a LARGE SCREEN. The only problem is the FILMS show nothing
but TALKING FACES with FORMAL COLLARS, talking very slowly.
CUT TO:
FILM
TALKING FACE #1
Neo-classical... literature is... very.
TALKING FACE #2
Roget... Monet... Renee... Mayonai...
TALKING FACE #1
To begin... is to end...
TALKING FACE #2
To end... is to finish beginning.
CUT TO:
BONKERS, who is TREMBLING.
BONKERS
(sotto, weakly, whimperingly)
make it stop...
TIGHT ON each of the next speakers as they deliver their lines, each is just
as agitated as BONKERS.
CHIEF KANIFKY
My mind has gone completely... was it ever there?
THE MAYOR
I admit it! I embezzled! But I put it all back!
BUGS BUNNY
Err...Err...what'supdoc?what'supdoc?What'supdoc?....
MICKEY MOUSE
Heheh... I'm sixty years old... help me.. help me...
CUT TO THE COLLECTOR, who a switch that STOPS the FILM.
THE COLLECTOR
Wonderful animation, isn't it? The next generation, you know.
Mickey, Bugs, Bonkers- you were all created with pencils, and- and paper.
But the next phase is here! Oh yes, COMPUTERS will create the new toons!
My toons are perfectly rendered, exquisitely wrought- but no one seems to
like them very much. You MUST help me!
BONKERS
Aww, come on there, Mr. Really-strange-guy-who-lives-in-a-cave-and-kidnaps-
people, ya just gotta work on yer content. I- I mean, those talking heads,
they just won't cut it! Now, if you were to say, do gargoyles or sumthin,
then MAYBE... but this way, ferget it.
THE COLLECTOR
Computer generated gargoyles, eh? Perhaps. But I think it would be even
better if pencil and ink toons were mixed in with them, wouldn't you say?
BONKERS
Oh, yeah. Way better. That's a good idea ya got there, mister. You should
take it to a network.
THE COLLECTOR
Yes, well first I need some star power to sell my ideas. And that is where
(darkly)
YOU come in.
THE COLLECTOR presses a BUTTON that DROPS a CAGE on everyone else!
THE COLLECTOR
Bonkers- you, Bugs and Mickey will co-star with my talking gargoyles while
the President, Chief Kanifky and the Mayor will reccommend it to everyone
else. I will be rich!
BUGS
Err, Doc? You may not have noticed, but, ahh, we can't fit into that little
computer of yours.
MICKEY
Yeah! So why don't you just let us go?!
THE COLLECTOR
Ahh, but I CAN fit you into my plans. Hahahahahaha....
Observe.
(THE COLLECTOR a SWITCH, and a GIANT SCANNER LOWERS from the roof!)
(The SCANNER looks like a cross between a vacuum nozzle and a lamp)
THE COLLECTOR
With this digitizing scanner, I can convert you old-fashioned toons into the
new DIGITAL format, which will allow you to look just like you do now, except
that you will be INSIDE the computer system with my RENDERED toons.
BONKERS
So how do we get back out?
THE COLLECTOR
Did I forget to mention? You can't. Once you're in the machine, you're
MINE FOREVER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!
(colder)
And I can make you do anything I want.
BUGS has been chewing his carrot. He WALKS OVER to MICKEY and BONKERS.
BUGS
Huddle!
PUSH IN on BUGS, MICKEY and BONKERS in a huddle as THE COLLECTOR works his
COMPUTER in the background.
CUT TO A SHOT from INSIDE the HUDDLE, as if the camera were in the ground.
BUGS
Whadda we do about this crackpot?
MICKEY
We could drop an anvil on him, knock him out for a little while.
BONKERS
Naww, he's a human... he'd be out permanent-like.
BUT- an anvil could still be just what we need!
CUT TO THE COLLECTOR, who is about to throw a switch.
THE COLLECTOR
And now, prepare to become my willing slaves for eternity!
BUGS
Err, hold up, Doc. Look, we don't care about being in the computer, but, ahh,
you're gonna want promotions for dis ting, rite?
THE COLLECTOR
Yes! That's where your human friends will come in.
MICKEY
But think how much better it would look if we were to do a commercial spot
with them? It would have to be done out of the computer, though.
THE COLLECTOR
(rubbing chin)
Well, I don't know...
BONKERS
Ahh, collector, booby, babe- you can digitize us AFTER the commercial!
THE COLLECTOR
All right! What do you want to do?
BONKERS
Well, it has to be in 78mm film. None of this 16mm junk. And it has to be set
in a concert...
CUT TO HOLLYWOOD OUTDOOR AMPHITHEATRE, NIGHT.
The AUDIENCE AREA is deserted, crickets are chirping, and crumpled papers are
blowing across the ground like tumbleweeds.
LUCKY, MIRANDA and FALLAPART are sitting in the front row, DEJECTED.
LUCKY
FBI's been combing every square inch of the Bay area... no sign of Bonkers or
the others. We don't even know where to start looking for them.
FALLAPART
Wish we had brought Toots.
MIRANDA
(trying to be cheerful)
Well, you know Bonkers. He'll show up when we least expect him!
LUCKY
(sotto)
Yeah. Sure.
The AMPHITHEATRE stage LIGHTS UP. An ORCHESTRA can be heard KEYING UP OS.
MIRANDA
I didn't know there was a performance here tonight.
LUCKY
Me neither. We better get goin-
SPOTLIGHT on stage, where BONKERS is holding a microphone.
BONKERS
Ladies and gentlemen! For your entertoonment tonight, a commercial for
The Collector's new show: Gargoyles: It's not Goof Troop Anymore!
LUCKY
(sotto to Miranda)
What's that toon doing?
MIRANDA
(sotto)
It's not his fault! Look!
MIRANDA points to a GUN poking into BONKERS' back.
LUCKY
(sotto)
You mean somebody's MAKING him act stupid ON PURPOSE?! Oh brother.
TRACK CHIEF KANIFKY who moves to Center Stage and then off after next line.
CHIEF KANIFKY
I loved the show!
(aside)
And I haven't even seen it yet.
TRACK THE MAYOR who moves to Center Stage and then off after next line.
THE MAYOR
I really mean it when I say this was the best show I ever saw!
I mean it! Not like my campaign promises, oh no...
TRACK BILL CLINTON who moves to Center Stage and then off after next lines.
THE PRESIDENT
I loved the show... I hated the show... no, I liked it... uhh, gimme a sec
to make up my mind here...
THE COLLECTOR his gun into THE PRESIDENT'S BACK
THE PRESIDENT
I loved the show!
BONKERS
(VO)
And now, our cast members will perform the 1812 overture in P Major.
MIRANDA
Did he say 1812 overture? We have to get over to the HUMAN section, QUICK!
LUCKY, MIRANDA, THE PRESIDENT and THE MAYOR to the HUMAN AREA.
FALLAPART and CHIEF KANIFKY dawdle in the center aisle, looking around.
DEAD SILENCE.
THE COLLECTOR
I'm going to at least DIGITIZE YOU, Bonkers!
PULL BACK to reveal LUCKY and FALLAPART ushering all the hostages OS.
MIRANDA is moving onto the STAGE from the RIGHT, while THE COLLECTOR is
advancing towards BONKERS with a small SCANNER on the LEFT.
THE COLLECTOR
This HAND SCANNER will be enough to pull you into my machine, Toon!
BONKERS
(Backing away)
Can't we at least talk this over?
THE COLLECTOR
We'll talk later- when you're starring in my new computer-generated cartoon.
CUT TO FORWARD SHOT OF THE COLLECTOR- His SCANNER begins to GLOW brightly.
BONKERS is being towards the scanner!
MIRANDA
(Gun out)
FREEZE, Mister! Nobody's digitizing MY partner!
THE COLLECTOR
Perhaps you're right.
THE COLLECTOR his SCANNER and MIRANDA's GUN into it.
CUT TO THE COMPUTER SCREEN, where MIRANDA's GUN has appeared on it.
WIDE SHOT to show THE COLLECTOR glaring at an amazed MIRANDA.
BONKERS
(deadpan)
Actually, her name is Miranda WRIGHT. Like the airplane?
THE COLLECTOR
Actually, no. I always get airsick. Now, Bonkers, prepare to be DIGITIZED!
MIRANDA
(deadpan)
What is this with puns at my expense?
First Fallapart, then you, Bonkers.
A day of that could make someone upset.
DOES ANYONE WANT TO KNOW HOW UPSET?
THE COLLECTOR & BONKERS
(stunned)
HOW UPSET?
MIRANDA
UPSET ENOUGH TO DO THIS!
MIRANDA one of the smaller ANVILS on stage and it at THE
COLLECTOR's COMPUTER!
THE COLLECTOR
Not my computer! Not my RENDERED Toons!
THE COLLECTOR turns and tries to stop the ANVIL, on his SCANNER
CORD. The SCANNER HIM IN! and his FACE can be
seen on THE COMPUTER screaming in fear as the ANVIL smashes into the SCREEN.
BONKERS
Gee, I hope he didn't forget to hit "save".
CUT TO:
EST. HOLLYWOOD POLICE STATION, DAY
PUSH IN on STAIRS, where GRATING, MIRANDA, BONKERS, LUCKY and FALLAPART and
THE PRESIDENT are standing as THE COLLECTOR's COMPUTER is being loaded into a
truck, next to which FIREBALL FRANK is locked inside the SQUAD CAR.
THE PRESIDENT
Agent Lucky M. Piquel, you have done your country a great service this day
by apprehending Fireball Frank. Therefore it give me great pleasure to
finally grant your request for a promotion-
LUCKY
(sotto)
YES! No more TOONS!
THE PRESIDENT
You are now a SPECIAL Agent, with the priviliges and duties associated with
that rank, and the same goes for your partner, Fallapart Rabbit.
LUCKY
(sotto)
Oh no.
THE PRESIDENT
The two of you will continue to serve the U.S. Government in the FBI's Toon
Division. Have a nice day.
THE PRESIDENT walks OS.
GRATING
Wright, Bobcat- The Chief wanted to promote you two to Sergeant for the good
job you both did helping out the Feds and saving the hostages, not to mention
nabbing this "Collector" guy. So here.
GRATING hands them Sergeant's stripes.
BONKERS
Oh boy! Does this mean we get to eat the same doughnuts, drink from the same
water cooler as you, Sarge?
GRATING
Not exactly.
(He snatches stripes away.)
MIRANDA
Hey!
GRATING
Heheh. The Chief wanted to promote you, so he did. The MAYOR, however, wasn't
so happy with you guys, considering that Bobcat stalled his getaway long
enough fer the Collector to grab him, and you, Wright, managed to wreck a
city block when you filled that toon rabbit with water! He wanted to FIRE ya,
but he settled on demoting you back down to yer old ranks again. Sorry. Have
a nice day. Heheheh.
GRATING walks OS
LUCKY
Looks like none of us really came out winners, eh, Bonk-man?
BONKERS
Oh, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that at all.
CUT TO A TELEVISION SET
On the set is an ad for Gargoyles.
(VO: "Coming soon: Computer graphics and Toons in one HOT new show!">
THE COLLECTOR LEANS into shot.
THE COLLECTOR
And it was all MY idea!
IRIS OUT.
THE END