1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focals.

3. You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.

4. Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D.

5. Your children begin to look middle aged.

6. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

7. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

8. You look forward to a dull evening.

9. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today".

10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

12. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.

13. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.

14. Your back goes out more than you do.

15. The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

16. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

17. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

18. You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

19. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

20. "I'm over the hill? What hill? I didn't see any hill!"

21. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

22. You try to smooth out the wrinkles in your socks and discover that you're not wearing any.

23. At the breakfast table you hear 'snap, crackle, pop' and you're not eating cereal.

24. Your back goes out but you stay home.

25. You wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

26. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

27. Happy hour is a nap.

28. You are on vacation, and your energy runs out before your money.

29. You say something to your kids that your mother said to you, and you always hated it.

30. You look for your glasses for half an hour, and they were on your head the whole time.

31. You sink your teeth into a steak--and they stay there.

32. All you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of your age.

33. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

34. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

35. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

36. Most of the names in your address book start with 'Dr.'.

37. Your pharmacist has become your new best friend.

38. Getting 'lucky' means that you found your car in the parking lot.

39. It takes twice as long to look half as good.

40. Everything hurts - and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

41. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.

42. You seem to have more patience, but actually you just don't care any more.