SOME INTERESTING HEADLINES

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  • 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

  • 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

  • 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

  • 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

  • 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

  • 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House

  • 7. Iraqi Head Seek Arms

  • 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

  • 9. Stud Tires Out

  • 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

  • 11. Panda Mating Fails, Veterinarian Takes Over

  • 12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

  • 13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

  • 14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

  • 15. Eye Drops off Shelf

  • 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

  • 17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

  • 18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

  • 19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

  • 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

  • 21. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told

  • 22. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

  • 23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

  • 24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree.

  • 25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

  • 26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

  • 27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

  • 28. Never Withold Herpes Infection from Loved One

  • 29. Drunken Driver Pays $1000 in '84

  • 30. War Dims Hope for Peace

  • 31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

  • 32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

  • 33. Enfields Couple Slain: Police Suspect Homicide

  • 34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

  • 35. Deer Kill 17,000

  • 36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

  • 37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charges

  • 38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

  • 39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

  • 40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

  • 41. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping the Needy

  • 42. Arson Suspect is Held In Massachusetts Fire

  • 43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

  • 44. Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

  • 45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

  • 46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

  • 47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

  • 48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

  • 49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

  • 50. Air Head Fired

  • 51. Man Steals Clock, Faces Time

  • 52. Prosecutor Releases Probe Into Undersheriff

  • 53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

  • 54. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked by Board

  • 55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

  • 56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

  • 57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers request Training

  • 58. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

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    AND SOME INTERESTING BUMPER STICKERS

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  • * Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

  • * A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

  • * Horn broken, watch for finger.

  • * My kid had sex with your honor student.

  • * If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

  • * Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

  • * I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

  • * Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

  • * I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

  • * Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

  • * Keep honking, I'm reloading.

  • * Hang up and drive.

  • * Lord save me from your followers.

  • * Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

  • * Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

  • * I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

  • * Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

  • * If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

  • * Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

  • * Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

  • * Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

  • * Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall of