I'm not REALLY the mean ogre that I appear to be, below. Really! These are NOT my words. They're uh...they're the words of my long dead ancestors, who each took turns randomly possessing me without any prior warning, first. I really HATE it when they do that! (wink-wink)

Seriously... The following are questions that have actually been asked of me, or things that have actually happened to me in my genealogical endeavors.

1. Hi! I'm Frederique Sherman. Do we connect?
   See that frying pan on your wall? Okay. Hold it above your head. Now, move it up and down ... harder! ... harder! ... now...FASTER! No! Don't you DARE pass out! STAND up straight! Now...do it AGAIN!

   PLEASE try to provide me with a little more helpful information when you ask me things like that!

2. Can you send me all of the information that you have in your database? Not just the related lines...but, I mean, EVERYTHING that you have?
   I'll e-mail bomb you.

   Are you freaking kidding?! My database contains 4,300 names!!! Lemme guess... You were one of those people in college who always had someone else do the work for you. Or maybe you were the one who used the Internet to copy someone else's work verbatim straight into your report. ...Then you got an "A" because the particular teacher didn't know you'd engaged in copyright infringement. Right? "Everything" means currently living people, and I don't give out that kind of information without permission - and yer talking a LOT of people to ask permission from. "Everything" means gleaning all my errors, too - which I might not have had a chance to correct, yet. (Ooh! Didn't THINK about THAT, did you? A database is a constant work in progress requiring corrections, rearranges, etc.) "Everything" means all of the hard work that it's taken me YEARS to do, and I'm not giving it out just so that you can share it with twenty people I DON'T know - only to find someone has eventually written a book using my very research, and the very words in my own notes, as well as those errors I probably missed. And I'm not in the mood to explain to 500 people across the world how all those possible errors got into the LDS Family History Center Library database (without my permission), yet. People aren't responsible with how they share info, and who they share it with; and twenty copies later, all copyright and polite considerations get lost and forgotten about. PROVE you're actually connected to me in some way...and actually SHARE something with me, too, so that I know you're not just gonna take what I give and then ignore me, and then I'll share what I have ON THAT LINE from my database - but with living generations cut off. That being said - did you even bother to CHECK what I have online, first? or did you just ask first without checking anything at all out of (bad) habit?

3. Can you send me photocopies of everything that you have?
   I'll send you a computer virus.

   Sure. That'll be $25 an hour, plus expenses; and yer talking a LONG time. I've got a LOT to sort through...if you literally want EVERYTHING. On the other hand, if you just want a copy of a marriage license or something, I'll just charge you the stamp, and maybe for the cost of the photocopy(s) ...not a problem, there.

   Meanwhile, PLEASE go back to my Genealogy page and check out the photo albums I have available online. What you're looking for may very well be there ... including, yes, things like birth, marriage, and death certificates, wills, newspaper clippings, and the like. I've put a heck of a lot up there. And it's all to be shared. Just, if you use it, PLEASE be kind in your Credits, Bibliography, or Acknowledgements, and advise people where you got it from. You'll note how I do that under each available photo. It's the proper thing to do.

4. Can you make photocopies of all the historical books that you have relating to the family? I know they're 500 pages long, but...they belong in the family!
   I'll send you a REAL virus.

   I don't do that. That would be a violation of copyright. Quotes are fine. A few pages actually mentioning people in our lines are fine. A whole BOOK? Forget it. That's not only unnecessary but that's illegal.

   I want you to picture it. There you are, standing at the photocopier at Kinkos, making a copy of each and every page of a really fat book. How long do YOU think it would be before someone complained and called the cops? Are you daft?

   ...And people get territorial at those copy machines! They think the machines belong to them as it is! I once had a whacko guy STARE at me - up to my face without blinking! - for 15 minutes because he wanted the machine I was on - even though the other six weren't being used! I finally turned to him and said, "Back off, man! What is this?! Why are you doing that?!" He said, with a voice not unlike Goldie's husband in the movie Deceived, "This is MY machine! I ALWAYS come in here and use THIS machine! It always prints PERFECT!" For my own safety, I bowed and let him have it and used another one to finish what I was doing. As I did so, I turned to the Kinko employee standing at the desk nearby and looked at him as if to say "Is he for real?" He was chuckling, and waved his hand at me. "He comes in here allthe time," he said. "He's a little weird, but he hasn't killed anybody yet so we just leave him alone." Sheesh! Anyway, our "Mr. Nutso" guy wore those "coke bottle" glasses. You know...the scary kind that makes the eyes look three times larger than they really are? That was a scary experience. Anyway, if you think I'm gonna put up with that again, you're nutso! THEY'RE nutso! I'm not going back there unless it's a real matter of life or death!

   Sorry, but...someone actually asked me to photocopy "THIS OLD MONMOUTH OF OUR'S," once...all 500+ pages...and was completely SERIOUS! The person also wanted photocopies of every page of every other old historical book we might have had - not actually knowing what other books we had or not, and photocopies of every photo and original item and document kept by every ancestor and descendant, and of all my correspondence, and all my notes. She was evasive about giving me anything very much about herself or her line. She kept promising but it never came. (I'm still waiting, in fact.) She did offer to pay for the "cost." But, that was just too wild a request for me. Even from a "newbie." There are some things that even a newbie should naturally understand, and this one had none of that sense, and didn't seem to care when I'd point out that she was asking me to possibly violate copyright law. It was a very weird encounter. If I'd said I'd do it for $25 an hour, I don't think she would have said yes to that. That's a LOT of time out of my day she would have been asking of me had I said "yes" ... and at risk of ARREST at that, had someone really noticed exactly what I was doing at the photcopier with those books. Some people have no clue what "copyright" is. Others know, but couldn't care less - as long as it's you doing their dirty work, I guess.

   ...500 pages??? Sheesh! Do you know how long that would take, ALONE????

5. Thanks for sending me all that stuff I requested. Do we relate?
   Keep looking over your shoulder for that contract killer that I've hired to get you.

   I hate that. You ask me for everything I have. I send you a heck of a lot, and then you ask me if we even connect??? (Do you do this on your job?) People usually don't ask for that UNLESS they connect. You check out the info online first - to see if we connect, and if we don't, there's really no need for all that other info, is there? When you ask for info, I'm assuming that you've looked at what is online. and that you've found a connection. To ask me for all THAT, and then indicate that you didn't know to begin with...is risking being hung by your toe-nails! That information is precious. It's not "candy." Yer stepping into the research territory of other people, there; and if all that work gets shared with someone not known personally, I'm risking losing all control on how my work is disseminated.

6. Can I HAVE (as in keep) this photo...that object...?
   I'll call the FBI and tell them that you're the one sending out all those copies of the "Love Letter" worm.

   No. Sorry. These things have no replacements. Do you know how difficult it was for me to even obtain just photocopies of things I didn't own from people? Would YOU just give away an old family heirloom in your possession to someone you've not even met face-to-face? I'll send you a photocopy if you like, or a scan.

7. I hate people who want all my info and then disappear and don't share anything of their own. That's rude, not to mention pretty devious.
   I'll call the CDC and tell them you're carrying a highly contagious disease, and that you're fully aware of it but don't care. So, not only will you be quaranteened, but you'll be straight-jacketed, too. And every time they let you go, I'll do it again ... until you finish the conversation.

8. Can you tell me how I fit into the book Ancestors and Descendants of Henry Gregory?
   I'll sell your e-mail address to a spammer.

   I don't have that book. Well, actually, I do, but even I haven't had a chance to peruse it yet because, unfortunately, it's on fische; and I don't have a fische reader. As well, my scanner does not have the neccessary resolution to resolve the tiny print. (I got it for free, though! The Alabama library that it came from on ILL didn't want it, and wrote upon the slip that I could keep it. Maybe they were getting rid of all their fische readers or something. Who knows. Maybe one day I'll find a fische reader in good condition at a flea market.)

9. Can you tell me how I fit into Families of Old Fairfield?
   I'll spam a thousand people and tell them you did it.

   I don't have that book, either.

10. Hi! Saw your Hindenburg page. Can you tell me the serial number of the second propeller on that ship, please?
    [evil, melting stare]

    Please go and read that story again. What is it about? What am I really searching for, there? Did you actually read it? or did you just look at the pretty pictures and then assume that I must know everything technical about the Hindenburg?

Okay, that done...this is not meant to embarrass people; but rather, it is meant to generate some amount of sympathy over this very common situation and hopefully to help other people who are new to it to understand - while having a chuckle at the same time. There are some basic "rules" to genealogy and you must understand and adhere to them first before you'll be able to get out there and actually share information. There ARE some "no-no's" and things you should never ask...like those things mentioned above.

Todd

© Copyright 2002 by Todd L. Sherman. All Rights Reserved.